My wife was abused as a child.? now she's feeling depressed.?

Question

for the last 4 months she's been seeing a therapist. while seeing her therapiost she quit her job of 13 years. as her husband what can i do to help her?

Answer 1

Be loving and supportive no matter what! Counseling can help you too! Both together and individual!

Answer 2

My best friend went through a simular experience. She was abused as a child, came back to haunt her as an adult, she sought help and is still seeing a therapist, unfortuanely her and her husband of 13 years split, she decided she couldn't be with a man, she loved him and I think she still loves him, but its the "sex of a man" she can no longer stand. I really can't I tell you what is going to happen in your relationship, I can only suggest that if sex is an issue with the 2 of you and she doesn't want it anymore, you need for the time being let her intiate the sex, but tell her you still want to love her that way, and if you feel your getting all the right signals make a move. Be gentle with your wife at such a sensitive time, she needs your understanding, she needs to feel loved by you. Good Luck to you

Answer 3

Being abused as a child can come back hard and bite you in the a** as an adult. Therapy is a good idea, so as to get all her emotions out. But quitting her job is a little out there. Oh well. Maybe she needs more time to work on herself. Asking how you can help her is a good start. She needs someone loving to work through it with her. Has she talked to you about what happened and how she felt about it then and now? She really needs someone that is understanding that it wasn't her fault. She also needs someone that will not throw the past back in her face. Good luck!

Answer 4

I know where your wife is coming from. I was sexualy abused as a child by my step dad. Now i'm 24 and it is hard to get it off my mine. My first husband nevered cared about my feeling and he would hit me he broke my back when my 3rd son was a year old. My husband now will let me sit and talk to him about it. It is not something you get over in a matter of minutes. Be there for your wife. She will come around. Don't push the issue of her job there are other jobs when she is better. Good luck and pray to god he sees us through everything and remember everything happens for a reason.

Answer 5

Love her where she is at and what kind of therapist is she seeing. Support and love her and help her! If she wants you to go to therapy with her then go. She also may need medication for the depression. Do not make her work and you work and love and support her and be the head of your home. Let her rest and relax and heal and give her time to get past this! Listen to her and be her best friend! If she wants to talk to me she can as well!

Answer 6

I was also abused as a child in many ways. I really didn't remember it until my sister asked me about it (I had been raped at 18 as well by a date and had books about it, which she saw). She confirmed what I had only feelings of knowing about as she remembers all of it. It came back to haunt me after that (I was in my late 20s by this time) and it has come back from time to time since then.

I have learned thru the years of healing, therapy off and on for years, and my own experiences that what I wanted and needed was someone to be there emotionally and physically for me, but not sexually as I couldn't deal with that aspect of a relationship at the time. If my body went into shock from a memory or from someone telling me of what had happened (something specific they remembered), then I needed someone to just hold me and listen to how I felt. Even when I thought I wanted sex, if my body remembered something, or my partner would touch me in certain ways that my body remembered as being from the abuse, I had to stop myself and my partner as I was emotionally not there and was too frightened.

Dealing with the feelings of abuse is something very, very scary and extremely hard to deal with, especially if you feel alone. I think that the counseling your wife is going through is an excellent idea, and I would suggest that you go through some too as well as couples counseling with her when she is ready for it. Seeing her deal with this will, probably, take a large toll on you and your guys' relationship and counseling can help. There are also books out there for spouses of survivors of childhood abuse, though I can't think of the name of even one of them right now.

I think that you are doing the right thing in reaching out for help with this and for trying to help your wife all you can. Just know that it is going to take lots of time for her to deal with this as it affects us mentally and emotionally. Don't be surprised if she ends up being emotionally unavailable for awhile. If she does, then just keep letting her know that you are there for her and you will listen when she is ready to talk.

Good luck!

Answer 7

convince her to be pro-active. That is, act in accordance with the future., not let the past rule her life for her sake, her family, and herself. The past is past. It cannot be undone. And if we do not let it destroy our life, it cannot do so. Pro active means, being responsible for ones words and action. Not blaming the past, not blaming the parents (though they deserved to be blamed sometimes), not blaming the school, not blaming others, not blaming our genes (genetic determinism) saying "I am born like this." We can reform our life if we become responsible for it. So she must forgive herself. And then love herself. She cannot love herself if she does not forgive herself. She cannot love others if she does not love herself. She cannot give what she does not have.

Answer 8

make her feel comfortable to you. give her lots of love and make her happy. take her out, and talk about things... prove to her that you support and love her (actions, not word)