My husband now of 7 years has had a history of ups and downs. There was some physical abuse and emotional abuse. I did my share as well too. We have 3 kids, and are in marriage counseling now. He doen't really drink, does not do drugs, and never gambles or goes to strip clubs. He is a good father, and there is a show of promise. The last incident was about a few months ago. I moved out for a month, until he got his act together. I just don't know if I am staying in the relationship amidst a false hope. Or if I should just really stick it out, and hopes for only better. I hope that I didn't confuse you all!!
2006-06-07 02:35:52 · 20 answers · asked by ♥jessica♥♥ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello Butterfly, it sounds like you still really love this man.
He doesn't have any of the obvious habits that can ruin a marriage and you say he is a good Dad. There should never be any physical or emotional abuse though. If counseling is an option and your both agreeable to it, I would try that.
You could also just sit down together, the two of you and talk.
Possibly a quiet dinner for the two of you. Stay positive and just talk to each other. Be honest and open with your feelings yet try to stay positive and stress to him that there is hope for the two of you. If he still loves you the way you love him, he will really try to do some of the things necessary to make things work.
I wish you the best in which ever way you go.
2006-06-07 04:17:12 · answer #1 · answered by Ekimo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing moving out and maybe with counseling things will get better. I wouldn't move back in with him until he shows some real change. A person who is physical abusive to their mate is not going to change over night it take years of counseling and some never change. You said his is a good father but what is he teaching his children if he is hitting you. You have a lot to think about and only you can make this decision.
2006-06-07 09:53:28 · answer #2 · answered by shelia j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, only you can decide on whether to stick it out or not. You made the decision to get married and have children. You, your husband and the children deserve happiness. Neither of you deserve any type of abuse and the kids don't need to live in that atmosphere. What will you do to ensure stability for the kids? Your in marriage counseling, so see where that leads. Ask the Lord to lead you through this. Good luck.
2006-06-07 09:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by Darby 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about your children. If he goes through his bad periods and you guys move out and he gets his act together and you move back. What if you continue to do this. This kind of behavior can seriously hurt your children emotionally. Besides the physical and emtional abuse between the two of you is not good for you children. You might not be doing it in front of them but they know it is going on and it will have a very negative affect on your children.
I suggest a longer term trial seperation (1-2 yrs) and continue the marriage counseling to see if it is actually going to work. If not than you are already on the road to divorcing him. If it does you can get back together. Either way you need to keep your children out of the mess you two have made.
2006-06-07 09:41:39 · answer #4 · answered by butterflykisses427 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have 7 years of ups and downs together. Sounds like you have a good foundation overall and you seem to be on an up swing. A little more time to give it another chance only seems fair to your entire family. If things are going okay and you are in counseling together it sounds like you have an opportunity to make things work. If your life with him is worth saving and you both are willing to put forth the effort, I say go for it. 7 years and 3 kids is worth trying to save. Hang tough and good luck to you no matter the outcome.
2006-06-07 09:44:16 · answer #5 · answered by mamaray 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stay "for the kids". It does not work and you are doing more harm then good. I stayed, and now my kids are grown and have found partners just like there dad! No matter how hard you try, you can't hide it from your kids and actions speal louder then words. You may tell them it's wrong, but if you stay they will think it is "OK" to be abused. Get out and give you and your children a chance at a normal happy life!
2006-06-07 10:25:55 · answer #6 · answered by fyinfo_2005 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're both willing to work things out, which makes me want to say work it out.
On the other hand, kids are resilient, but only to a point, and will "recover" from a divorce and a subsequent better life much easier than they will from growing up and believing that what you and your husband have is the best that family and marriage can offer them. I don't care about the studies of nature vs. nurture, kids learn from their parents before all else. Think of the example you're setting for them, especially if they're that young.
2006-06-07 09:43:45 · answer #7 · answered by desiderio 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay if you still feel in your heart that there is hope for the marriage stick it out don't leave until you know you've done everything you can and the hope is gone and you just don't give a **** any more!!To me it sounds like your just starting to think there may not be any hope left!
2006-06-07 09:40:04 · answer #8 · answered by BB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are in marriage counseling now and you do have 3 kids. So for what it's worth, I would stay in counseling and make every effort to work it out IF that's what you both want.
2006-06-07 09:37:55 · answer #9 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two still verymuch in love and i think he tried his best to be better but somehow he slipped. The fact that your family is going under counseling is perfect it means everybody make effort to make it work, so pls stick around for a while and dont give up your hope. God Bless you.
2006-06-07 09:41:41 · answer #10 · answered by BelleVie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋