Help Please! My wife is........?

Question

I was married a month ago. Everything started out well. Now I am not happy at all. My wife is very moody. She is making me miserable. She goes from one emotion to another. She has said that she would kill me if I did something. I am already looking for a way out of the marriage. I love her, but can't live my life in fear of what to say. If I say something or get out of bed before she does, she thinks that I am mad at her. I can't live my life like this. I am already considering divorce. Help me please!!!!

Answer 1

Hey Ben...
I went through a very similar situation with my exwife... we were married for almost three years, and as in your situation, it began very well. It's funny how so often men are accused of being abusive, but hardly do you ever hear of a man being abused by his wife. I was. She assualted me once because I had the gaul to find her with another guy with her top off.
She went through stage after stage, telling me I needed to leave, she loved me but wasn't IN LOVE WITH ME, never was in love with me, and only married me because I asked her to. When I would begin to pack, she would begin crying and saying, "No please don't leave me... I love you and can't live without you." So I would stop packing, hoping she had come to her senses. The next day, she would be back to wanting me gone. I suggested counseling. She said no, because a counselor could not make her feel something for me she did not feel. She said I deserved someone who could make me happy, I deserved that. It was suggested I should begin packing again in order to leave. I would begin the packing process, just to have her breakdown again. She then came up with the idea that we could remain married, but I would have to sleep in a seperate room (which I needed to rent, even though I was paying for the mortgage in the house). That way she could have other "friends" over for, uhhhh, sleepovers.
I was told she would kill me as I slept. She also told me that if I ever tried to start a relationship with someone new, she would also kill that person.
Basically, she did the things to me that had I done them to her, she would have been sitting next to Starr Jones on View with a box of tissues in hand. Her "tragic story of abuse, both mental and physical" would have premeired on the Lifetime or Oxegyn networks. But because it was in the reverse, who cares?!?!?!?
I don't mean to type a novel here, it's just that I want you to know that you are not alone.... you aren't the first guy this has happened to. It is so similar, that it is giving me chills. My advice is to get out... counseling sounds great and all, but when you are in the situation, it can be scary to hear your wife say she is going to kill you (I still have dreams of her breaking into my home brandishing a knife raised ready to do me in), and we have been divorced now for about 18 months. (and by the way, do you think I have started a new relationship yet? Nope. Too scared that she will make that person's life a living Hell. Plus, I now have issues with trusting others... the newest demon I must deal with). This is serious. I would not have any discussions about counselling and/ or leaving alone with her. Have someone else there in case she goes off the deep end and tries out her idea of killing you.
Godspeed...
By the way, contact me if you ever need to talk. Hope all goes well.

Answer 2

This happened to my husband and I also. Exactly, almost word for word. Look. She wants to know where you are and what you are doing because she loves you sooo much... more than anything in the world... she can't bear to be without you and so when you are not around her the devil starts making her insecure and making her think there could be things going on. AND that doesn't neccissarily mean cheating. He could be telling her that she's not good enough for you, or that you could do better, or that you want out, or that you can't stand being with her. So many different possibilities. As far as her thinking that you are mad at her all of the time. The SAME thing happened at the SAME time with us when we first got married. I was always crying and always scared that he was mad at me for something... Even though he wasn't. He started getting really freaked out and the same thing happened to him. He lost his sex drive because of it. Which on my end made it worse because I thought that he didn't love me anymore because woman use sex with her husband that she loves with all of her heart as a way to feel close to him and for her to get the feelings of love from him. The threats are normal! No matter what ANYBODY says... they are all normal... Divorce, this, that... NORMAL!! I don't think that you should divorce her. We had a lot of struggles with the same thing .. EXACT same thing. and we have been married HAPPILY married for 2 years now. DON'T DIVORCE HER! Especially if you love her. As far as counceling goes... I didn't want to go either. It's just a hit to my pride to know that I have to get counceling from somebody else about something that is supposed to be mine to control and make all better. If you or her wants to talk to me or my hubby email us... it's [e-mail]... seriously...

Don't listen to these other idiots.... I would love to talk with her...

btw... where are you 2 located?

Answer 3

Marriage is a very big adjustment for both people, it sounds like your both having a very hard time adjusting so maybe you should just get some help but just don't run away it's only been a month ago you took those vows, do everything you can to try and fix it!!

Answer 4

I'm sorry you are on this main issue. But, I kinda get in which your spouse is coming from. It feels like you are being just a little little bit of a wimp. My tackle that is that ladies adore it while a person "takes manage." (inside bounds, of direction) Don't ask if you'll be able to hug. Man up. Just do it. If you hug her and she or he rejects you, then that is whatever for the wedding counselor to determine. Sounds like there may be passive competitive habits on each components. It's the worst style, I consider, since you are not able to transfer ahead in existence if you are concerned approximately protective your self. Try to not be so wrapped up in her response to you - maintain your attention on your self. It's the one factor you'll be able to manage. Good success.

Answer 5

SHE SOUNDS LIKE HOW I WAS ,,I MARRIED YOUNG, I WAS MOODY, UNINTGERESTED IN ROMANCE, SEX ETC,

I EXPECTED MY HUSBAND TO BE HERO, DAD I NEVER HAD, I BROUGHT ALL THE ISSUES OF MY CHILDHOOD WITH ME, AND EXPECTED THHIS POOR MAN TO KNOW ALL, BE ALL, BE STRONG, "LIVE FOR ONLY MY NEEDS" i was emotionally immature, challenged, i guess, i had the most unfair expectations from this man,, poor guy, couldnt be a psychiatris, God,
a FIXER OF ALL, YET I EXPECTED HIM TO BE STRONG AND FIX ME, WHEN I DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG,,, I SAY IF THIS IS FAMILIAR, SHE NEEDS SERIOUS THERAPY, I DID, AND I LEARNED SO MUCH THANK GOD, I REALLY HOPE YOU CAN GET HER TO ADMIT SHE HAS A PROBLEM, BUT SHE PROBABLY THINKS IT IS ALL "OUT THERE" and expects you, the husband to cure all, etc, it is sad, i say deal with it, dont abandon her, BUT IF SHE IS NOT WILLING TO ADDRESS HER MOODS, DOES SHE DRINK? do drugs, HAVE AN ENERGY PROBLEM, IS SHE ANGRY, DOES SHE HAVE BAD CHILDHOOD MEMORIES, IF SO SHE IS THE REINCARNATION OF ME THIRTY YEARS AGO, SERIOUSLY,,,YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING BY EXPRESSING YOURSELF, DONT TAKE ON GUILT, DONT QUIT UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IS UP? good luck
try GOD, HE IS ALWAYS THE BEST MEDICINE,, REMEMBER, YOU CAN NOT

A PERSON CAN NOT EXPECT TO PUT THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF THEIR HAPPINESS IN LIFE IN YOUR HANDS, YOU CANT FIX IT, ONLY SHE CAN DO THAT ,, BE KIND, NOMATTER WHAT, BE A GOOD LISTENER, ASK QUESTIONS, AND TRY TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE,,, YOU MAY HAVE TO LEAVE, IF YOU ARE LOSING YOURSELF IN THIS LIFE, YOUR LIFE IS YOURS TO SHARE , NOT BE OWNED, OR CONTROLLED, YOU WILL NOT HELP HER OR YOU, IF YOU DONT IDENTIFY THE TRUTH, IF YOU CAN GET IT
GOOD LUCK, PRAY, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU, GOD IS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE, HE IS STAYING WITH ME RIGHT NOW, HE LIVES IN MYHEART,

Answer 6

How well did you know your wife before you married her? It sounds to me like she is very insecure and therefore trying to control you. These things won't get any better on their own. I would suggest you try some marriage counseling. You need an uninvolved third party to help you with this one!

Answer 7

Seek help for her and for counseling for each and both of you! She very well seems to neeed some medical help and attention from a doctor here... She may need medication. Offer to help her get help for her emotions and love her where she is at. Do not leave just yet!

Answer 8

You didn't notice any of this moodiness before you got married? That was the time to worry about this kind of thing.

Anyway, you're stuck now. Seek counseling as a couple.

Answer 9

If she was not this way before you married her, then you must be doing something to upset her. If she was this way before, why did you marry her. Try and talk to her calmly to find out what the problen is.

Answer 10

i think medical attention is needed but not for depression but for pregnacy, have her no go with her to the doctor and see , i was the same way it will get better once both of you know what is going on, believe it or not she is just as confused as you are