My husband and I are going through a hard time in our marriage!?

Question

WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 6 1/2 YRS AND HAVE TWO CHILDREN.I LOVE HIM BUT WE ARE CONSTANTLY BICKERING AT EACHOTHER!WE ARE BOTH VERY STRESSED OUT.HE JUST FOUND OUT HE HAS A BACK INJURY AND I'AM LOOKING FOR WORK AND CARING FOR OUR KIDS.WE DON'T EVER HAVE ALONE TIME AND I THINK THAT WE NEED IT BADLY!TONIGHT HE GAVE ME HIS WEDDING RING!I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO !I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE,BUT I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS TOO LATE!PLEASE GIVE ME SOME SOLUTIONS I AM SO CONFUSED!IS COUNSELING GOOD FOR COUPLES LIKE US?I'M AFRAID THAT WE MAY THROW IT ALL AWAY,AND REGRET IT LATER.PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

It is worth working on! You love each and care for each other deeply, and plus to that you have two wonderful children :) YES, the Couples Counseling DOES help, if you'd like to try it together!!! Please don't give up on him, yourself, and your kids. You all deserve a second chance, no matter what.

In my opinion, you both are stressed out and it's extremely hard for anyone to go through what you're going through. When the kids are asleep, come over to him and try to talk to him (communicate). Ask him what's bothering him, kiss him, hug him and tell him that you're proud of him and don't want to loose him. Let him know that you're always here for him whenever he'll need you and you'd like for both of you to work this mess out. Allow him time to speak up and talk, listen patiently because for a lot of men it's very hard to talk about anything at all especially their feelings and emotions. He might be feeling lost, confused and sad all at the same time. Try not to argue any more (if you've been doing that before) and try to solve everything rationally and peacefully no matter what happens. You need to have tranquility and peace in the house as well as mutual understanding, trust, and communication. I'm pretty sure you have a little bit of everything all ready in the recipe for the Happy Marriage and that's what makes your lives so wonderful together :)

You mentioned that he has back injury, ask him what happened (and "how", if he knows an answer). Let him explain. If it's something that's been bothering him for quite a while, see a Doctor so that it won't transform into a chronic pain and suffering. The pain might send anyone over the edge and make them feel stressed out, even though they're usually calm and peaceful. Let him help you look for the job if it'll make him happy, allow him to participate. Go to these websites and see if they'll help, post your resume and call up couple of places to see if they're hiring:
- CareerBuilder.com
- EmploymentGuide.com
- Jobs.com
- Monster.com

Are either of your parents in the same city? Do you know any neighbors or friends? Ask them to babysit for your kids (no buts about it from your side either) and take a time off--a weekend just for the two of you to relax and enjoy each other's company (no worries, no kids, no jobs to be concerned about). You need some time alone to recharge and be together away from everyone and everything. Give him back the ring and tell him that he's the only one for you and you don't want anyone else raising your kids except for him. He's the best Father in the world those kids will ever have. You guys gave each other a promise that you'll be together "in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer." Be there for each other no matter what happens. Every marriage has ups and downs and no matter what you can always come back to the way things were before and even better.

Give each other a second chance and try to work it out together AS A TEAM, there's no "I" in "team." You just started out your lives together and you still have your lives ahead of you as well as all the wonderful things to look forward to. Don't give up and look at things positively, listen to each other just like you did before, communicate and share your feelings, emotions, hopes, fears, and wishes, and let each other be part of one another--just like you did when you first met each other. If you'd like to re-egnite what you had try something new and interesting, surprize him and keep him wondering what will happen next. In this case, a book called "Kama Sutra" is usually helpfull since they have a lot new, fresh and breath-taking ideas for anyone at any age and in any relationship-stages :)

Don't worry, it will work out for the best :) Best of luck to you and please let us know how everything's going by. We're here for you always. We're worried about you :)



P.S.: For the back pain and injuries, Doctors might prescribe either pain killers or surgery (in worst case scenario). If you'd like something more peaceful and less stressful for you and your Husband, you can try: Acupucture Specialists, Chiropractors, Chinese Therapists, or Alternative Medicine and Therapy Offices and Places in your area. They might have something based on herbs and minerals that actually help to stabilize your body and energy flows, and you might even feel a lot better and with a lot more energy to do other things for each other and for fun :) They can actually give your Husband couple of yoga exercises that can prove extremely helpful if he just dislocated his spinal disks or pinched a nerve without even knowing it. Everything helps not only men but women too. If you'd like you can go with him and join him, so that way he won't feel like he's all alone. It's better to have company with you when you're going through something like this.

Answer 2

That's a very tough time in a marriage, it has its own name, "the Seven Year Itch". A majority of marriages go through it, the best ones survive. If you can get a babysitter for the weekend, spend some time alone together. With a back injury I am going to assume it may affect his work, and thus his income. You are looking for work, that is stressful by itself. Add two young children and you've got a marital powder keg. Sit down and talk. Don't attack, don't blame, don't yell, don't cry. Take turns talking and listening, the latter is the more important. It's tough getting a guy to talk, guys want to fix things themselves and don't talk about problems unless they have to admit they need help. Women tend to talk about problems and feelings not because they want a solution, but because talking helps them solve it. Therefore, listening is a great and difficult skill for both. But you need time alone to work things out. If he's a good Dad and husband, he's worth fighting for. It's a tough time, but you can get through it if you both try. Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, stop yelling.. calm down. Yes, counseling is always good, as long as you get a good counseler. Try calling a church or something and see if they can recommend one. If you don't have alone time, plan a special vacation, just the two of you. You could find some older, happily married couples you know, and ask them to mentor you, or just hang out with them more.. you'll notice how they interact with each other and how it works for them. The most important thing is to calmly and respectfully be honest with one another about how you feel.

Answer 4

The two of you need to go away for a little while no kids just the two of you get mom or sis or someone you trust to take the kids for a week and get. Make it somewhere sort of romantic you both need to get it all out true love is a hard item to find and its worth a little hard work to keep it. Be honest to each other and try to rekindle that spark you had at the start of your relationship. Have some wild sex do things you never did before but above all talk

Answer 5

Counselling is good, but I have some doubts about the efficacy. Tell your parents to come over and take care of the kids and go away for a week or so - just the 2 of you. Go to a nice quiet place in the hills or to the beach where there are not too many distractions. Talk it out and take care of his back- especially during sex. Things will work out. GOD BLESS.

Answer 6

Counseling is good. But for now TRY to have a calm conversation. Do this while you hold each other in the dark. Start by talking about and reminding each other about your fun and happy and romantic times. Forgive each other and let it go. The best advice I ever got was - MARRIAGE is NOT 50/50 it is 100%/100%. Don't keep scores. I'll pray for you and your family.

Answer 7

Counseling can be very helpful for you as a couple, and as individuals. Every marriage goes through cycles. Try to take some time for just the two of you. If you have to pay a sitter, you can still have a cheap date, go to a park, find time to talk.

Answer 8

Ride the storm out doll! The seven year itch is causing rifts to seem bigger than they are! Talk to your husband candidly when you have a moment that isn't bickering. Start a journal for yourself so that you can see patterns in your arguing and what triggers it. Most importantly look inside yourself and see what your contribution to the problem and what if any are your solutions to them. You can't fix your husband and you can not force him in to counseling, but you can motivate him with your positive outlook and example. Make yourself happy, make choices that give you some atonomy and stop engaging in silly banter!

Answer 9

Contact your counties family services unit..you might possibly qualify for free or reduced price counseling..They will help get you started..It only works if both parties are determined to solve the problems and WANT to do whatever it takes to salvage your marriage...

Good Luck whatever the outcome it is better to have addressed the trouble now rather than months or even years later ..

Answer 10

Go to counseling. As long as there is no cheating you can save your marriage. It sounds like most of your problems are money. You and he can try to live more simply. Do you have anyone to take the kids for a weekend and you 2 go away. If you don't have money go camping.

Answer 11

Try to get some alone time. This always seems to put things back on track.
You need to sit down with your spouse and the 2 of you need to talk. Try to bring up what brought you together in the first place. Make each other laugh again.
Good luck !!!!