Who's wrong me or him?

Question

My husband has never thought twice in the past 4 years of us being together to go off and leave me home alone when I didn't want to do what he wanted to do.Now that I am hanging out with a friend one night a week at a coffee shop he claims I am screwing up our marriage.
I feel I'm not doing anything he wouldn't do and invite him to come along.He won't.

thank you to all who answered.
the friend in question is a female and we both share similar interests and both in a relationship.I'm married and she's dating.
My husband has cheated when we were engaged but I have never even thought about crossing the line nor am I doing this for revenge.

Answer 1

I don't see any big wrong, just that he may be set in his ways.
You should try explaining how you feel, as you have here.

DON"T let it escalate or become heated, if he is the stubborn type this will make it a sore point and he will become defensive and argumentative at every mention.
Try to speak softly and calmly. If he begins to get edgy or defensive, try to smile reassuringly while speaking ( small sentences !) don't try to out talk him. let him speak or answer too.

Try to reassure him that this is just something that became available that is relaxing and enjoyable for you.

Is it a guy, or are you neglecting something while you're out? If not then you are certainly entitled to your free time!

Answer 2

As long as neither of you are seeing persons of the opposite sex, and that you're seeing this friend weekly NOT out of revenge or challenge, I can't see anything wrong. This seems to be a young marriage between two young people, and this is an issue that a whole lot of young marriages go through. Talk about it. Be patient (both of you) and try to understand. Or you can both run off in your own ways, self-righteous and indignant, and boasting your own position vis-a-vis the other, and you'll have one marriage gone. I've been there and done that, even though not over the same issue. It's no fun. Try the talking, understanding, and patient route. It's better in the long run. God Bless you and good luck.

Answer 3

Just as your husband leaves you to spend time with his friends, it is totally acceptable for you to spend time with your friend once a week. Spending time with other people outside your marriage is healthy and for both of you. I am curious however if you two have children? You didn't mention. Are you the primary caretaker while your husband is working? Does he feel overwhelmed to care for the children while you spend time with your friend? What this boils down to if I may speak frankly is seflishness on the part of your husband. Calmly and rationally approach your feelings with your husband at a time of day without too many distractions. Help your husband understand that you enjoy interests outside of the home just as he does, and he will soon realize through your actions that it really has no impact on your home life or marriage.

Answer 4

Well, I hate to say it but I think you're wrong. Not entirely wrong, just a little bit more wrong than him.

I'm assuming that your husband goes out to bars and hangs out with other guys. I'm also assuming that your friend is a guy. If I'm wrong about either of these, disregard this whole thing. ;)

With that said, I'm going to tell you what he is most likely thinking.

He sees this friend of yours as a threat, and nothing you say is going to change that impression. It's already there and it's not going anywhere. He assumes when you invite him to go that you really don't want him to, you're just saying that to try and make him think you don't have any attraction to this coffee shop guy.

Now when he goes out with his friends, he sees it differently. In his mind he's doing no harm to you, but he sees what you're doing as a threat to your marriage. Yes, it is hypocritical of him, but that's not the way he sees it.

Here's one mistake you can't make.... Do not, ever, under any circumstances make him stop hanging out with his friends under the agreement that you will stop meeting with the coffee shop guy. You two will use it against eachother all the way to divorce.

What you need to do is try and make him understand that you have no attraction to this coffee shop guy; that you're in love with him and no other man.

By the way, I've been in a similar situation before. I regret the descisions I made concerning it to this day. In retrospect, I learned that the entire thing was childish. Maybe you can convince your man to think of his jealousy as childish as well.


Edit:

Wow... Not very many people agreed with me! Well, I stand by my answer. (That is, if my assumptions were correct.)

Answer 5

there are time when friend can cause husband to be very mistrust.one thing if you going out with someone not marriage you husband will thing that you are trying to pick up guy.find way to talk with your husband and feel where he coming from.cook romantic dinner.you are doing anything wrong ,put remember your husband come before your friend.you and him need talk.let him know how you feel.listen to him and he need listen to you.go some where that you can be along.when you got marriage remember you came together as one.sometimes you do get lone ,but that when you site down and talk without television or the children's if any.be for you can go with friend you need be able to talk with your husband. that night could be with him.

Answer 6

Was your friend a male by chance? If not then you are ok for going out and you two need to get some help to deal with the issue of him going out without you all the time cuz you sound a little resentful. Try to work it out. This is the "for better or worse" part.

Answer 7

There is no right or wrong. You're married, so you have to compromise. It sounds as though neither of you is terribly pleased with your mate's attitude. So maybe marriage counselling is order. Or maybe you just need to have a fling because it sounds as though you suspect he did and you want a bit of revenge.

You really need to find things that you both like to do and quit doing things seperately. Otherwise you are destined for divorce.

Answer 8

He's in the wrong. If it's ok for him to go out without you, then why shouldn't you be allowed to do the same? You've made the effort to invite him along, if he decides to sit at home and mope then thats just tough **** for him. Everyone needs a life outside of their marriage. You don't have to do EVERYTHING together.

Answer 9

i think he is guilty as sin because he wants so badly to see if your really going out with a man instead of your girlfriend that way he can stop feeling so bad about all the cover up lies he told you while he was out seeing other women. i hope i'm wrong but i get a bad vibe about him from your question any heathy relatinship wouldn't be so easily "screwed" up by having friends unless there more going on in his mind seek a christain counselor!

Answer 10

that sounds like my wife she gets mad just because i go see my best friend and have a slice of pizza with him its called obsession where your spouse just wants you with him/her all the time and gets upset at the fact that you will be away from them especially with another person in the outside world where you are more susceptible to adultery or other things and it needs to be worked out by counseling that's what i had to do. Hope this helps.