What do you do about a family member who refuses to help and thinks you should do everything for them?

Question

The person doesn't work and has fallen
on hard times and they don't appreciate
all the help you have given to them.

Answer 1

If you stop doing stuff for them, then they will have to do it themselves. If you feel really strongly about it, you've got to quit helping, refuse further help, and don't give in. Otherwise, you are just as much part of the problem.

Answer 2

There is a book called "When helping the one you love hurts them", it is a good book on co-dependency relationships.

The title says it all. This person has no self worth or esteem. So, take away some of if not all of the help and make them stand on their own two feet. You will look like the bully at first, but this is the first step to recovery for them.

Answer 3

Well I don't know about your situation but I have the reverse. I'm the one who has had to retire from work due to disabilities, etc. I've done a lot for my family but when I moved back home a few years ago, I couldn't get anyone to do anything to help me and they think I'm the ingrate, lazy, etc. They don't have to live with what I do so how dare them to be so judgmental!

Answer 4

Falling on hard times can lead to depression and inertia.

I would do nothing alongside them. Once their meals don't get made, bedsheets are filthy, etc. etc. it kind of motivates MOST people. Of course, you could be living with the Guinness World Record Slob.

Answer 5

Hello,
Have a serious, conversation with them!First,have them, sit infront of you, say, i have to talk to you, also, say, let, me talk, then, you, can, tell me , how, you feel. Then, talk, from , you're heart!
family member,we are both adult's, here,I feel, this, is the time, of , you taking responabilty, of you're own action, you, have to take of care you're self, you're not kid,I can't do everything , for you.I will, help in need, and stand by you're side But,I am exhauted,I am not going to feel like , i am a slave, anymore,I love you, and i am standing, up to , what, i believe in my heart,a person can do anything!from, the heart to the soul of wisdom, of the mind!That wisdom will give you you're answer's, look, inside you're self and , you will find you're self

Answer 6

Tough Love! Hard but necessary! If that help is gone for a while, maybe the person will realize what they had and lost.

Answer 7

Stand up to them. Don't be afraid of what they're going to say/do. I'm young and recently married, and my parents still think I should see them every weekend even though they're over an hour away. I told them that if they want to see us that much then they can come see us. You just gotta do what's right for you.

Answer 8

tell them how you feel. ask them if they appreciate what you are doing because it doesnt seem like it. sometimes people get caught up in their own **** they forget to show appreciation for the person that is helping them out... but subconciesly they know the person is great and wonderful for helping them out but they dont say it out loud. so I'd confront them nicely. you are a good friend for helping him/her out. the world could use more people like you.

Answer 9

Help them find a job, give them a time limit on the help.
Stick to it and then as they say,
let them go with love.

Answer 10

I have a same problem with my brother. when I tried to yell at him, he just fight back and my mother and grandmother on his side, they drive me out of the house. You know what I did? I invited most of my elder relatives in the house and talk about it, not involving, but in front of my mother. They were all awful, and you see, they are now ignoring me, but that's much better than being a slave.