How do u 4give a dead dad ?

Question

mum is taking me to family counselling to help me control my anger & my rebellious,goth attitude, but it`s bible oriented, which I don`t mind, but they tell me that forgiveness is just a decision. how do u change what u feel inside just by deciding? I already know that I`ve 2 forgive my dad for not caring about me , but it`s hard cauze his not here anymore, so he can`t change who he was, How do u learn to forgive your own dad when he `s already dead?

Answer 1

You learn one step at a time. You already know you can't change what's happened. Start with just that. One step at a time. Don't let people rush you into making a decision about forgiving until you're ready. It doesn't work until you want to. As for your rebelliousness and anger, you're young. Young people have rebellious thoughts and anger. Just most don't act on them. You know what's right and wrong. You choose to do what you do. No one makes you. If you blame your dad for your behavior you're hiding behind him instead of taking responsibility for your own actions. You're a good boy. You just need some time.

Answer 2

If you can't remember any goodness, or any kindness, maybe your mother can help you. Maybe at least she might be able to explain something about why he was the way he was. Try to remember that he was a boy once and maybe he was hurt. Start there. If he wasn't a nice person, try to feel sorry for the things that happened to him along the way that caused this. If you can pity him, that's a start. Remember Christ commanded us to forgive not only for the sake of the forgiven but for our own sake. Not forgiving will eat at you like cancer. Once you've thought this through, sit down and write him a letter even though he is dead. Tell him how badly he hurt you...tell it all...then tell him how angry you've been with him. Just decide to let that anger go. Rely on what you've already considered about his earlier life and how sorry you feel for him, then realize you can't be angry, you can't hate him any more...and just forgive...and be free.

Answer 3

I had to forgive my friend for committing suicide. I have prayed and I have been in therapy, but what started me on my way to forgiveness was I wrote her a letter. I know she will never read it but I did it. I told her how angry and sad and lonely and very very guilty I felt. I told her how selfish she was for taking her own life and making the rest of our lives miserable. I took the letter outside and my husband and I burned it as a symbolic way to send it to her. I started to feel better and I have been able to get on with my own life. I hope this helps. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Well since none of us are perfect and we know at one time or another either intentionally or unintentionally we will offend someone. The Bible calls us to forgive others are we want to be forgiven, "Forgive us of our debts as we forgive our debtors".

We don't know what your father may have been dealing with to have an "uncaring" attitude. Life is hard. Please don't spend yours being bitter and angry it will not solve anything.

Love, Peace & Blessings 2 U!

Answer 5

i used to be a goth and my dad doesn't care for me either but he's not dead he's in darwin.... it must be very hard for you.. im a christian now and i know how it feels to know that you have to fogive someone but you just don't know how to..... well yunno you might not belive in god and stuff and thats very understandable after everything that you must be going through right now but God can be a father to you.... Even though you can't see him he is always going to be there watching over you... He loves you more than any human could ever love you..... Trust me i know from experience...Any way i'll give you my email addy and we can talk then it's [e-mail]

Answer 6

It is real hard to forgive someone when they have passed away. My father is also dead and he was a real alchohlic. But I forgive him because you have to think about the good and not the bad. I don't know if that helped but I hope it did.

Answer 7

you have already did most of the work yourself by realizing that you must forgive your father.i would like to tell you that no parent is perfect,that you could not know what was in the heart of your father.forgive him for not being the kind of father that he aught to be,then release it,let it be and when you are a father ,be the father to your children that he could not be for you.forgiveness isn't a decision,it is necessary for growth and healing.

Answer 8

My bio dad never admitted he was my dad [DNA proved it] . My step-dad was a perv [he grabbed my breast when I was trying to apologize for being rebellious kid] [ I was over 50] [At my moms funeral!] They missed out on a really nice person ME. How to deal? He gave your best gift LIFE . Not all people have love to give you have to love yourself before you can even like anyone else! He can't change it is what it is. Not your choice . It was his loss and yours Its OK to grieve for the loss of the chance for him to change. If you let it consume your life he wins you need to win one don't ever ignore people you love ,love openly ,and take care of your self . Sounds like he missed out on a really good kid YOU! I am sorry it happened. Have faith in your self and remember It was what it was life will get better Big hug!

Answer 9

You cant force forgivness.
My dad was kind of a prick, then he croaked off. I still havent forgiven him for lots of stuff. Don't think I ever will. So I just live and let live- or I guess I should say I live and let dead.

Answer 10

You may have to learn about his life and try to figure out why he was the way he was. Go ahead and hate him. If you just concentrate on forgiving, you probably won't.