my wife is corresponding with an old male friend. would you consider this infidelity? She thinks I'm invading

Question

whenever I would aproach her at the computer she would close her mailbox.

Answer 1

She's having or creating an online affair. If she didn't have anything to hide, she wouldn't care if you read it. And if you trusted her, you wouldn't care.

Answer 2

I do the same thing, and I am not cheating. Why is it that once you are married their is no privacy. If he asked to read my mail, I would likely let him. However, it annoys the hell out of me when he just sits by me and starts reading. So yes, I close it.
I have known the man I talk to longer than my hubby. I have talked to my male friend about personal problems that I don't always want to share with my husband. He is like any other friend, and he and I tell each other everything. The one good thing I find in my friend, is that as a male, he doesn't have some uncontrollable mouth-running problem like women. You piss a chick off and she tells everyone everything you have ever said. You piss a guy off and he is like...hey...you pissed me off.
Give her the benefit of the doubt. Then when you can, say look, I trust you, but I have to admit, I am a bit envious of your friendship with "Joe Blow" the innocent wife will respond affectionately, or say, oh honey that's silly.
If this old male friend is an ex, you may need to have a more serious discussion.
But don't borrow trouble...good luck.

Answer 3

Her corresponding with an old male friend in itself doesn't need to be a worry, but the fact that she hides her email is, I'm afraid. I'd say she's just trying to cover it up - misdirect - by attacking you about "invading". It'll be hard to get through to her, get your relationship back on track if this is the case. Drastic changes will probably be required on your part ... I'd suggest doing lots of things together, including "boring" things inviting her to come watch the tv show you're watching because you know she'd enjoy it. Go places, join things, garden, anything that you can do together, that you will both enjoy - things that will keep her away from the computer, and more importantly, keep her from wanting to be on the computer.

Good luck - I hope you work it all out!

Answer 4

An old high school boyfriend looked me up on line about 3 years ago and I was thrilled to catch up with his life and he with mine. He is 53 (graduated in 1970) and I am 51 (graduated in 1972). He is the only friend I still have from those oh-so-carefree-days. We are both in loving, committed stable relationships.

As soon as he contacted me, I told my husband and asked if he minded if I chatting with him. My husband, being the incredible man he is, said he didn't mind. My friend and I email each other about twice a week and exchange Christmas cards.

I DO NOT close my emails if my husband comes into the room. As a matter of fact, I share them with him if I think they are interesting or funny.

A couple of times we have talked about what was and what could have been and we still like each other, but that was a lifetime ago. I accepted his compliments graciously and gently turned the letters back to sharing about my life today and asking about his. I DO NOT discuss problems in my relationship with him (there are very few) but I do ask him a man's point of view of things to help me understand you guys better.

If there is nothing to hide, there is nothing to hide. If, however, she feels it necessary to close her emails if you walk into the room, the situation bears further discussion. It isn't simply a matter of "privacy" at that point, it could be a matter of content.

You could ask her if she would object to showing you some of the emails just to set your heart and mind at ease. If they are innocent, then relax. If she adamantly refuses, I suggest calmly discussing how you feel and how her actions makes you feel. Don't be accusatory or confrontational, just honest. If she gets defensive, don't escalate the discussion with hurtful comments. Suggest a couple of sessions of counseling so a neutral third party can sort it out for both of you. Sometimes when we are too close to a situation emotionally, it is hard to see both sides of the coin. That goes for her as well as you.

God bless you and good luck.

Answer 5

She'll make you feel that you're invading. If there is nothing to hide, then, there shouldn't be anything to be upset about.

My wife did the same thing to me. She always imposed on her right to privacy. It was kinda late before I found the real answer. I was right all the while. Found out everything through a software program. She was just coward to admit she was having an online affair.

Hope all works well for you.

Answer 6

Talk to her! Tell her how you feel!

I wouldn't say it is infidelity, but if it is weaking your marriage and the trust between you, something needs to change.

If I were emailing with an old friend that happened to be male and my DH had a problem with it, I would stop. He is more important to me than anyone else.

I can do with one less friend! I can't do with one less husband!

Let her know how you feel! And if she still wants to talk to this guy, have him and his family over to the house on her next birthday or something.

When you meet him, all your fears will be layed to rest.

Answer 7

Sometimes a person just needs to reach back to a time when they were not burdened with all the worries and responsibilities that have accumulated during a marriage. I doubt that she is thinking about an affair. Give her a little space and she will probably get bored with it after a while.

Answer 8

the only reason she believes you are invading is because she is cheating. I know i've done the same thing to my wife. At first it was a way to get away from her but bit by bit i got involved with someone online. The reason i wanted to get away from my wife
is because she and i stopped communicating. I figured if she wasn't gonna communicate with me then id find someone who would. You both need to go to counseling and find out why she needs to contact an old boyfriend behind your back. The sooner the better

Answer 9

If she has no problem showing you her email, or talking about their conversation, it is more than likely a buddy thing. However if she becomes secretive, lies about the relationship,being very defensive or starts making excuses about her relationship with you being, " not what it used to be" then you have a problem If her touch has grown cold, and she is changing her hair, clothes and habits, get her to counseling .Good luck. I went through it after 28 years of a great marriage, and no one had any advice. I was divorced and lost everything. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Have a serious talk. The emails may be harmless. Let her know how you feel about her time spent with another male. Decide together what is a good compromise. If she loves you and uses her good sense, she will comply. You must come first, not her friend. She married you.

Answer 11

I'm not sure she's cheating, but you can be sure there is some interest there. I know that when I started emailing an old friend it was harmless, then he told me he had always had a crush on me. It is flattering, even though I won't do anything about it, its kinda like having a harmless crush/penpal. If she's hiding things from you they're flirting.