Our daughter is in a relationship with a man of another race. My husband wants to disown daughter What do I do

Question

I don't have a problem w/that. I told him he doesn't have to like it but he shouldn't disown our daughter. She is an adult and she went through a terrible divorce 2 yrs ago. The guy makes her happy and her kids seem to like him.
The thing is both our families are married to men or woman from other races and other cultures. He does'nt have a problem with that. Does any one feel that he doesn't like the fact that our daughter isn't married to him and he sleeps over her house on the weekends.

Answer 1

It could very well be that your daughter is sleeping with a man with her children around.

A father thinks daughters should be angels. Unfortunately we are not. I think if you give it time, your hubby will come around. I am sure he values his time with the grandchildren and will do nothing to alienate the daughter.

Just give it time, and hubby space to deal with it. And it is a bad idea for her to be sleeping with a man with her children's knowledge. If the relationship does not work out, is she going to date another guy and let him sleep in home and get to know the children also?

Answer 2

I do think it is not only about the guy's race, the fact that your husband is protecting your daughter not being married and sleeping with her with kids around. , I am not sure if it is about his spiritual belief and sleeping with this guy worries your husband. As a wife, I don't see any problem why your husband act like this and as your daughter is important to both of you, as well as to his father. Your husband is matured enough to know what is being married to someone with a different race and culture.
Your daughter has kids and having this kind of relationship that kids are around after a divorce and then came another man into their mother's life would confuse them and seeing that their grandparents are having problems of this. It is really hard, but if both of you as her parents would talk and give her more support than disowning her, she might realize what she is doing and ask for your advice later.
Even it is not the race that would explain everything, it is your daughter that needs to decide, just incase, the relationship won't work between this guy and your daughter. Yes, he makes her happy and her kids, how long? Does she has to be disown first by his father before its too late and she found out that the guy left her again. Man respect us as a woman too, if they really love us and wants to make us happy, I think he would talk to your husband and you about his intention to your daughter. I don't see anything wrong talking to both of you, as when your daughter gets in trouble, you are both there for her and her kids.

Answer 3

Any parent that wants to disown a child for something like this isn't worth having as a parent in the first place. What happened to unconditional love? I pray that you aren't cruel enough to go along with your husband.

Does he only have a problem with a certain race and not others? Try to reason with him the best you can. In any case, he'll get over it. Life goes on. If she marries the guy and they have kids, he'll just have to deal with it. Your daughter is an adult and she doesn't have to listen to her daddy anymore. Would he rather her be with an a$$hole of the same race or a nice guy of a different race? At this point, it's really none of his business.

Answer 4

Time will help. I married outside my race. My father told me he would disown me, when I first got serious with my husband. I gave him about 3-4 years and the wound has healed...mostly. I also had a daughter by a man of my own race who is terrible. I said two things to my father when he told me that...
1. If you disown me that is your choice. But, wouldn't it be something if twenty, or forty years down the road you regret saying those words to me, and feel guilty about ending our relationship, because if you disown me YOU are making that choice and not me.
2. I respect your opinion and I know you want what is best for me.

It had a lasting effect, because he didn't disown me. I also can understand why he felt that way becuse he did want what was best. It his daughter... so it's different to him. Give hime time and space.

Answer 5

First of all, dads do not like to know their daughters boyfriend is sleeping over on the weekend. Your daughter should talk this out with her dad and each should try to understand where the other is coming from. It's pretty hard to believe that your husband would prefer to cut off a relationship with his child rather than have her marry someone she loves who is racially different. Give him a little time and space to think things over.

Answer 6

Frankly, I have a problem with her sleeping with a man if she's doing it when the kids are in the house. What kind of example is that? However, your husband cannot disown her (he doesn't exactly "own" her any more anyway) because that would mean losing his connection to his grandkids, and those kids need all the love and support they can get. Bottom line: you can't control her behavior or her choices, but don't burn any bridges. This guy may or may not stay in her life, but you need to stay in your grandkids' life.

Answer 7

I'm sure he doesnt like the fact that your daughter isn't married to him and he sleeps over her house on the weekends.
Well, I don't think he can make you disown her. He can go ahead if he wants to, but he'd really better think good and long about this. But you don't have to cut her off emotionally. And if inheritance is an issue, it will be neccessary to get help redoing your will, so that you won't cut her off in that way.

Answer 8

I too had this problem with my father. My finace and father of my children is black, i am white. It wasnt until three yearslater, after he put a huge strain on our once tight father duaghter raltionship,that things chnaged. He would say tthings like " I WILL KILL HIM IF HE PULLS UP IN My DRIVEWAY/ it wasnt until my son was born that my dad realized just because michael was black didnt make him a bad man. He relaized he couldnt change what was in my heart, and who michael was. Disowning your daughter wont make her change her heart. It will just hurt her, dn your husband. Live life like its your last day here. If it bothers him tell him to get over it, he isnt theone dating a different race, Ask him to remember the day she was born, didnt he wish she was with a man who treated her good, and made her feel beautiful, and would take care of her. If he cannot except it then maybe you should move on. Someone who hates someone simply because of a skin color or country of origin is a hateful human being. Also she is a grown women who is capable of making decisions on her own. I know as a mother i would never ever let a man into mylife that i knew wasnt good for me and my children.

Answer 9

If your daughter's boyfriend does immoral things, yes that could make your husband not like him. Even if he isn't racist, seeing a person of another race do immoral things with his daughter could make him become racist.
Since your husband has been around interracial marriages before and has never had a problem with it, I would say that he probably isn't being racist now, but sees a real problem with this man. Listen to what your husband has to say, and encourage your daughter to listen as well. He may have a good reason for not liking him.

Answer 10

That could be a start. What is that saying to her children from the first marriage. Mayvbe your husband still has a few morals and it woudn't matter the race of the man. perhaps Dad wouldn't like anyone sleeping over with his daughter and her kids when they aren't married. There are still some of us out there.