Divorce? Seperation? Help!?

Question

Married to husband for 6 months after a 7 month courtship. We both have a kid but not together, mine calls him dad, his calls me mom. (Kids are 4 and 5.) I am very unhappy tho. We have opposite hours, and I think I rushed into marriage for my daughter to have a dad more than being soulmates. I don't feel like we have that much in common, we have a debate about everything! My main problem is the incredible guilt I would have because the kids, but otherwise I see NO reason to stay, Im suffocating inside! Is it better to end this now or will the damage already be done?

Answer 1

end it. it's not fair to your kids to keep up a charade. the longer you stay, the more it will hurt the kids when you leave.

Answer 2

get out now. Staying for the kids is a bad idea. You can teach your daughter to be self supportive and grow into a responsible woman without a man. If you are with the wrong guy you are sending a message to your little girl to settle for whatever she can get. Do you honestly think she doesn't know you are unhappy? She may be small but she has instincts and can sense when mom is miserable. As for the other child, it's better to let go now than to drag that child along on a ride that will end eventually anyway. You have to make youself happy before you can make anyone else happy....I speak from experience.

Answer 3

The fact that you already said that you have no reason to stay proves to me that you are already divorced in your heart and the paperwork, physical aspect is just around the corner.

I personally would give it another try by talking HONESTLY (yes honestly and not some bs lacquered smooth talk or some ugly verbal jab).

I say this because you two got married, despite the reasons, you should honor each other. Lift each other up instead of cutting each other down. You know, it works. But then again, that could just be me. Maybe you'll get divorced and you might be happier. Maybe not. Only thing I can say is, think it over. And have an honest talk and when you do talk, lay down the ground rules.

1. no swearing
2. no swearing
3. no throwing pots and pans
4. no swearing
5. no storming out
6. hold each others hands.
7. no storming out
8. no verbal jabs and spiteful swings
9. listen to the other person
10 listen some more
11 no cutting each other off
12 hold hands
13 be good to each other
14 compliment each other
15 tell him what you like/liked about him

you get my point by now. LOL
God bless and good luck.

Answer 4

I think you should have thought about all this a long time ago..like 6 months ago. But today is today. I have no idea what to say..except there are going to be a lot of people hurt by this...kids especially. I just don't understand how you could rush into this and not know what the hell was going on. Didn't you see any of this coming after 7 months? What a mess you have here.

Answer 5

If you married for your kids sake, you did a very bad thing. While its great to have someone who likes your kid, its better if you actually wanted the relationship. Sounds like you are in for either years of sadness, followed by a divorce, or a divorve, followed by an oppoetunity to do it right next time. Ask him how he feels, maybe he will thank you for letting him out as well. Part frineds instead of hating each other later

Answer 6

I UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM I DATED MY HUBBY FOR 3 WEEKS GOT MARRIED, I TOO HAD A DAUGHTER WHICH WAS 9MO OLD AT THE TIME. WE LEARNED THAT WE WERE TOTAL OPP BUT WE SEPARATED FOR MONTH OR SO ONLY TO REALIZE THAT WE COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER. NOW WE HAVE A 9 MON OLD TOGETHER, DONT GET ME WRONG ITS NOT ALWAYS A HAPPY MARRIAGE BUT ANY MARRIAGE IS WORK. SEPARATION DONT WK FOR ALL BUT MAYBE YOU JUST NEED TO PUT THINGS IN ORDER AGAIN. I WANTED MY DAUGHTER TO HAVE A FATHER FIGURE IN HER LIFE ALSO (THE THINGS A MOTHER WILL DO FOR HER CHILD) BUT I LOVE MY HUBBY. DONT GIVE UP JUST YET A MARRIAGE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. THINK ABOUT WHAT IS REALLY MAKING YOU UNHAPPY EXPRESS THAT TO HUBBY AND WORK ON IT TOGETHER YOU NEVER KNOW MAYBE HE FEELS THE SAME WAY. IF YOU LOVE HIM HANG IN THERE IF ITS FOR THE KIDS MAKE VISITATION ARRANGEMENTS BECAUSE ITS NOT GONNA GET BETTER (I TRIED THAT AT FIRST TOO)

GOOD LUCK.........STAY STRONG

Answer 7

I understand it is easy to rush into something for your kids. If he is kind to your child, you might try to work it out. Try to remember what else made you want to marry him. Counseling couldn't hurt. To be real honest with you....I have know many that got married for love and it didn't work. I have known others including my self that the 2nd time, married for the qualities they had and then fell in love for real. I think they were what we wanted all along. Soul-mates are in the movies.
Look... you and your child are already in the marriage, you might as well try to make it work....If is doesn't at least you will know you gave it all you had. It hasn't even been a year, it takes at least that and more with a blended family. Try joining a support group for blended families.
Good luck...I know it is hard....Attitude does make a difference.

Answer 8

I would suggest marriage counseling first. I agree that dragging out a relationship for the sake of kids is not a good thing, but try counseling for a few weeks or months at least... if after awhile it still isn't working, then it's time to abandon ship. Good luck.

Answer 9

if you think that you might be attracted to your bf still and it might work out through counselling give it a go other wise it is best to leave but still have contact with all children and let him still see your daughter and tell him that if you do decide to leave him so he is assured his child and your child will still all be family and have access visits with each other

Answer 10

would it better if you worked the same hrs-maybe your drifting apart b/c you dont ever see each other-before you jump the gun-maybe see a marriage counselor-you owe it to the children to atleast try