How can I choose between my mother and wife?

Question

My wife is having a breakdown fighting my mother, and the same applies to my mother. My mother is staying with me after my father passed away. I am the only one she will stay with.

Answer 1

You shouldn't have to make a choice. These two women will have to learn how to get along. Avoid taking sides and force them to work it out together. but, when you get right down to it the old saying is true --- a daughter's your daughter for all of her life but a son is a son till he takes him a wife. Try sitting down with them both at the same time and telling them how miserable they are making you and how if they loved you they wouldn't do this. Maybe bring in a counselor or minister or priest to negotiate. It is a burden for a wife to share her house and husband and it may be necessary to move your Mom out. "I'm the only one she will live with" means she is being very manipulative about this. she may not have any choice if you get fed up enough to move her to a sibling or to "the home" and I think you should tell her that in your wife's hearing. Your wife needs to know that you place her first.,and your Mom needs to realize that, too. Have them make a list of the problems and try to get them to find solutions for them and then if our Mom won't straighten up, move her out, and don't waste a minute on guilt. She had her chance for her husband and her family and she needs to face up to life's changes gracefully as many women do.

Answer 2

You should never choose between a spouse and a parent. Apparently the 2 of them never got along in the first place or they would not be at the other's throat right now. Maybe, in the past, you failed to stand up for your wife when your mother spoke negative about her. Inform your mother that your wife is the woman of your house, not her. The sooner you establish some guidelines, the sooner the fights will cease.

Answer 3

you shouldn't have to choose between them, you already made the choice to have a wife when you married. your mother knows this, and if she excepted this marriage in the first place and did not want to cause any problems, then she would not be interfearing by staying with only you in the first place if she has other options, if your wife and mother get along with one another as your mother stays, thats fine, but if they don't i think you should have your mother be the one leaving, because the day you married your wife is your other half now. you should not even think about making a choice. your mother will always be " mom" but your wife will always be your better half in life. we all as children grow up and leave and start a new life, we all let parents go.

Answer 4

Choosing should not be an option. You left your mother to marry your wife, she is the woman you will spend the rest of your life with. You need to set your mother straight, tell her that you love her, but your wife is the woman of your household! Tell her she can stay with you as long as she stops causing problems, if she cannot respect both you and your wife, she will have to live with someone else. I realize she is in a hard situation, but you and your wife have a life to continue on with too.

Answer 5

Well. I speak as a wife in a similar situation. You shouldnt have to chose, and Im sure thats not what either one of them wants you to do. Im sure your wife understands how much your mom means to you, as I do with my husband. But You should not allow your mother to be disrespectful to your wife. When you married your wife she became your life partner and She should be the most important person in this world to you. Also, when you married your wife She became your family. You become a man and not Mommy's little boy anymore. Your mother should respect your wife and you at all times. And for no reason whatsoever should she be involved in your marrital affairs. That only causes problems. I think the best thing for you to do is sit them both down and tell them exactly how youre feeling. In the fact that you feel like you have to choose between them. Let your mother know that she has to respect your wife and in the same way your wife needs to respect your mom. Its a two way street. Ive been thru this with my mother-in-law and my husband for 9 years now, believe me you want to take care of it. I got to the point that I was ready to leave my husband because I believed he didnt love me because he let his mother disrespect me. Don't let this get that far. Dont let your mom drive your wife away. Your mom is a big girl, I know losing your dad was really hard on her, but she needs to grieve and start her life over, and stop invading yours & your wifes. You might not want this advice. Take it or leave it, anyway, I hope it helps

Answer 6

You shouldn't have to. Talk to both of them. Explain to your wife that you're all your mother has left and you love her. But don't let your mother dominate your wife. Explain to your MOTHER that you love and respect your wife and she is your equal. Tell them both you'd appreciate if they would stop going at it constantly, as it's hurting you. Truth of the matter is, they're probably both jealoous of each other. Your wife gets to be with you forever and after losing her husband suddenly, your mother feels uneeded. She wants to be your top priority, over your wife because she's your mother. She's afraid your wife is stealing "her baby" away from her. you need to reassure her it isn't so. Make her feel secure. Your wife on the other hand, feels like you'll love your mother more and put her needs before her own. She probably feels offended that your mother insists on living with you only. And if your mother is undermining her duties as a wife, she's probably ired about that too. She also feels insecure that you'd care abhout your mother more than her,

This is kind of a jealousy power struggle. Lay all the things on the table and after starting discussion, let the resolving begin. Talk to each of them seperately first. Good luck!

Answer 7

One thing that your mom has to learn is that you are married and that you have things to take care of like your wife. Your wife should learn to respect your mom because your mom is something that you love and cherish and if she is going to fight like maybe you should define the line between your mom and your wife. I know that your mom is grieving over your father's death and I know that it hurts but she seems that she's been spending some time fighting with your wife rather than praying for your father's death, and soul. Your mom shouldn't be staying too long because you have a family to take care of but don't be too rude with her, remember that she is the one that gave you birth and has always been there for you in times of your needs and right now the least that she needs is you kicking her out. Talk to them seperately and ask them why have they been fighting so much. Then, make them confront each other and talk amongst yourself. Maybe you'll get something out of it. As for your wife, remind her that not only you have a mom, she has one, too. Remind her that she wouldn't want for you to treat her mom like that. If things go well, you should let your mom live with you but if things don't go so well, don't send to home care center. Try to have a home for her and visit every other day so that she doesn't feel alone. Remember that you wouldn't like to be put in home care center. I don't know if this helps you but I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your problem gets better.

Answer 8

Two women in the same house is a volatile situation. Each will have to compromise. Sit down with them, tell them you love them both and that they must try to get along better. If you have other siblings, see if they can persuade your mother to stay with them occasionally. There must be a reason your mother wants to stay only with you. Your wife should be first in your life.

Answer 9

If you are the only person your mom will stay with, she has probably alienated & pushed away the rest of your family and she is not going to stop this behavior.

Your first duty is to your wife, you need to stand by her. Your mother is probably very good at getting what she wants, and it looks like what she wants is your undivided attention.

Don't put your marriage at risk for a woman who will probably find something else to fight about if she can't fight with your wife.

Answer 10

it all depends on how they treat each other,who's really at fault in causing the problems? Ur mother is your mother,and u only have 1,however,ur wife is ur life,and if she's not the 1 complicating things,u need a good talk with the both of them,set them down together and be the man they both need,explain how u feel,and how them bickering is making u insain,bc u love them both so much,ask them to please for your sake,if they love u to calm down,and work things out,where all be can be happy!!! U are the person that must make the bond or mends!