I wrote a poem about life.
plz tell me whats good/not so good about it and how I should fix it.
thanks.
Life
Is a game.
Play it right,
and you'll get to roll again.
Take a wrong turn,
and it's over.
Life
Is a battle
a never ending fight between you
and the rest of the world.
Stay strong,
be optimistic,
and you'll survive.
Give up,
and quit,
and it ends.
Life
Is a heart.
Something that can be broken or torn
Bruised or Scarred.
Hearts can be patched though,
and wars can be declared as truce,
and games, you can always replay them
2006-06-06 14:01:02 · 5 answers · asked by Vallerie 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Primary & Secondary Education
Written by: M.E.S.
2006-06-06 14:06:46 · update #1
This is the first poem I've written in a long time so it might not be too good.
I do hope you like it.
2006-06-06 14:08:33 · update #2
I like the first two stanzas the best. They remind me just slightly of country song lyrics. I think you might want to study the metaphor of life as a heart and develop that in a different way. At least use punctuation correctly if you leave it the way you have it: Life is a heart, something that can be broken or torn, bruised or scarred. I rather think the last stanza needs the most work of all. It sounds like you want to leave this poem with a somewhat optimistic tone. If I'm wrong, and you are simply saying that life is not like those metaphors after all, then you might want to work on the ideas there. "Hearts can be patched and repaired, and wars can be ended in a truce at a simple table, and with games, you can always start over and play them again." That is just my suggestion. Interesting flow of ideas!
2006-06-06 14:18:24 · answer #1 · answered by Cookie777 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always ought to rhyme but it surely demands to hit my feelings. I suppose readability of expression is primary as good. I do not love to moment bet what I'm studying approximately. I regularly appear for what I time period "poetic gem stones"within the textual content.
2016-09-08 21:36:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello I like your poem about life. I think this is the how you can fix it in the second paragraph about life were it says, "Give up, and quit, and it ends." you can replaced and with or like this, "Give up or quit, and it ends." I hope I help in something. Good Luck fixing your poem!!! It was a very good one!
2006-06-06 14:16:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like some of the metaphors, but it almost seems to repedative. However, I do like it and I'm tempted to show it to my friends. Using your name, of course.
2006-06-06 14:05:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its all right
2006-06-06 14:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by flo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋