I am still in love with my ex-husband and every time I see him he still hugs me, tells me how good I look, even goes so far as to ask me to go out for drinks with him. But the other night when I actually sat down and had a heart-to-heart, he let on like he wanted to get back together. He even said, "I really want to have another baby together." Like an idiot, I bought it, and of course now he won't return my phone calls, and finally when I did talk to him he said he was just "being stupid" the other night. I know he will never change, and his unwillingness to communicate honestly with me reminds me why we divorced in the first place. But every time he leads me on, then shoots me down, it turns the knife all over again. What do I do to get over him? It is wrecking any chance I have at a normal relationship with anyone else, and taking a huge toll on my sanity. I don't know if I'm coming or going lately...
2006-06-06 13:34:05 · 18 answers · asked by Frankie Baby 82 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Love yourself first. If you learn how to, your problem will be solved gradually and smoothly. No decent woman will let any man to make a fool out of her concerning love. I know it hurts you deeply to learn that he was not true to you when he said that he wanted to have another baby with you which he retracted at the end. Sad to say that you don't deserve him perhaps because love should be returned with love. In your case, your love was answered with a false dream. You deserve honesty and love which I think he has no plan of giving you at the moment.
If you still believe that there's a second chance between the two of you, then go for it. But learn to understand him and his ways and let him know that he hurts you with his attitude. If he changes, your second romance is coming. But if he has another woman right now, the chance becomes smaller which signals that you should really not hope for a reconciliation between you and him.
Look around you. Live your life with enthusiasm for better tomorrows without him. May be, someone out there whom you deserve better is coming your way. Be visible. Go to places where the possibility of meeting many people is great. New acquaintances may as well be your medicine to solve your problem right now. The next time you have a relationship, give the best love you can ever give to your man, and the best love that you really deserve, I'm sure, will get back to you. Smile!
2006-06-06 13:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by Ruzzo 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to be strong. When he asks you out tell him you have other plans maybe next time. Don't be so convenient for him. When he says things about getting back together or having a baby. Tell him to slow down lets just take this slow. Don't be so eager because you want him back play it cool. You have to take this slow so you don't get hurt again. And, if I read this right you already have another child and you don't want to put false hopes up for that child to think you are going to get back together. If it is meant to be it will happen but rushing it isn't going to help.
2006-06-06 23:22:10 · answer #2 · answered by patty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with letting yourself be vulnerable and just loving someone. I know since he's your ex you need to let go sooner or later, but that will come with time and meeting other men. Also, it really sounds like he really does a number on you as far as sex goes. He must really give it to you good.
At least in my experience I find sex and attachment go hand in hand when it comes to women's feelings towards men. When a man can really show a woman a good time in bed it's usually harder for the woman to let go emotionally. I'm not saying that memories of the fun and other things like that don't add into things, but sex is a big part of you not getting over him in my opinion.
Here's some neighborly advice, go find a man that you can have a decent conversation with on a date and go out with him. Also, make sure you already know that he isn't a jerk. At the end of the date do your part to give that guy some of the best sex that he has ever had and hopefully for your sake and getting over your ex's sake he won't be a flop in the sack. That way you will have a fond memory of the sexual experience and you will more than likely have an easier time forgetting about your ex who seems to be a total waste of time.
It also sounds like this guy is having fun knowing that he can play with your mind as much as he wants. He knows you would jump at any chance to get back at him and he uses that to lure you into having sex with him. After the sex he's gotten what he wants, and then you are left to feel the emotional anguish while he goes about life as if it's business as usual. He's getting gratification at your expense. He has moved on emotionally, and he knows you haven't so that makes him believe he can use you for sex anytime he chooses by telling you what he knows you want to hear. It's just sex to him, but he knows it isn't to you and he uses that to his benefit.
Good luck getting over this jerk. Also, don't make this into an all men are bad type of thing. All men aren't bad, but obviously this guy is. I hope everything turns out for the best.
2006-06-06 21:03:13 · answer #3 · answered by McReynolds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's so playing with you. He wants to know that you want him so he doesn't have to worry about you being with someone else. The minute you show interest in him, he will back off . . . again and again. It's a control thing, an ego thing. You have to love yourself before you can realize that there's someone better for you. Years from now, when you've found the one, you'll look back on this and laugh at this whole situation. Take a few months for yourself, and move on.
2006-06-06 20:40:58 · answer #4 · answered by jenntwoenns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please stay away from him. This guy is doing your head in.
My husband and I broke up seven months ago, and I know it is natural to still have feelings for him.
Your ex is just as confused as you are. After a marriage ends you can't just stop your feelings. You will always care to some extent, but you need to move on. There is a reason your marriage ended, and you need to make that your focus.
If you continue seeing him you will end up hurt and emotionally drained.
Please take my advice, it's for the best.
2006-06-06 20:40:01 · answer #5 · answered by Amy D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly how u fell, except i wasnt married. we have a baby tho. i am finally over him now. but i was so stuck on him and took everything he did or say so strongly. and he didnt mean it like i took it. but i though i could never be wit ne1 cause i was scared if he came back and i was in a relationship i would hurt that person by gettin back wit him. it just takes time sweety. its hard and it dont seem like it will ever get back to normal but it will. and u will be happy.
2006-06-06 20:41:57 · answer #6 · answered by Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just get over him and every time you think of going back to him remind your self of why you left him in the first place
2006-06-06 20:38:24 · answer #7 · answered by sassy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you look back smile for all the things that were great together. When you look forward smile for all things yet left to come in your remarkable life. Those things that drove you apart are what needs to remind you to stay strong. Don't fall pray to his head games. Look forward to your future. Life is what you make of it , so make it good.
2006-06-06 20:57:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes time.you both have a history together and by the sound of it children.remember why you ended the marriage and why you do not want to come back into it because it is not worth it.if you want to make it work seek counseling.
2006-06-06 20:38:22 · answer #9 · answered by Amry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand up and go away from the computer as far as possible
2006-06-08 08:49:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋