The child knows who dad is and knows my children are his sibilings. He wants to be a part of the family but my husband says "NO!" The girlfriend comes to me and asks me if "John" can come over. I have to say "no" because of my husbands wishes. I feel like a heel! I don't want to be responsible for this child's neglect. He does have a "father" with other siblings. Yes, I am still angry, but I would never mistreat a child. What to do? My children are also torn. 2 are against it. 1 is for it.
2006-06-06 13:14:47 · 18 answers · asked by mandarn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Wow. How hard for everyone involved. You are one strong woman for thinking about what is best in this situation. I know it feels like that is wrong that your husband doesn't want this child over but I am sure it is a reminder of things he would like to leave in the past.
If your husband doesn't want him in your home, then you are going to have to respect that decision. Your husband is the one missing out on seeing this child.
Talk to him, though.Tell him that you hate seeing this other child growing up without a father. That he should step up and be a man and be the father that you know he can be, that he should be and that he is to the other children in his life.
It is not that child's fault that he was born into the situation that he is in.
Tell your husband that he should have thought about that sooner .You are not mistreating that child. Your husband is.
Maybe you could start with trying for a once a month day over or something like that. Or even if you can't get your husband to agree to that, then at least try and get him to spend some one on one time with that child out somewhere.
Hopefully he will come around
Good Luck!!
2006-06-06 13:25:58 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure this is the proper form to be asking life questions such as this, and I would suggest that you talk to your husband and family that is close to the situation. But here my 2 cents...
The decsion should not be entirely on your shoulders. Your husband, and the childs father is the one who is ultimately responsible for the child, should be the one who should handle the situation, and also live the decsion. I would question why a 6 year old was told. A 6 year old does not have the mental makeup to handle something like your "father" is not your real Dad.
2006-06-06 13:31:58 · answer #2 · answered by swimrun_bike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no way I could stay with a man that did that to me or remain friends with the girl, for that matter! Tell your husband if he doesn't want the child to be part of your family he needs to sign over his parental rights so that the other father can adopt the child and he can have a normal life.
2006-06-06 13:41:57 · answer #3 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are a good women for living through all that and still speaking to either of them. First I would recommend some counseling so that your husband doesn't see that child as a sign of weakness or a constant reminder of his infidelity. After that he may warm up to the idea of visitation with his son. I hope that he realizes that there are people that can not have children and he is turning his back on his own. As far as your children go, don't make their decisions for them, if they are old enough to know the circumstances, let them make their own decision regarding the sibling.
2006-06-06 13:21:27 · answer #4 · answered by lunalutz22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont have your husband go over to the woman's house or ever be alone with her again! But do tell your husband that he is the one who screwed up (literally) and he needs to take responsibilty for his actions. You are upset (im guessing) that he had an affair but you will accept the child. Tell him you want the child to visit you at your house whenever he/she wants but just the woman is not allowed over. He needs to pay her child support too. It isnt the child's fault that this happened. If your kids grow up together they will get used to each other and come to love each other. Tell your kids that if you can accept this child then they need to.
2006-06-06 17:33:35 · answer #5 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know just what you mean..... torn between his wishes and what is right...... and you are right !!!!! this child deserves to know his siblings and family.... including dad... Dad made the mess so he should have to face it..... I don't mean that in an ugly way, I mean the child is his, he knows it, you know it, the mother knows it, and the baby knows it........ if you are ok with the baby being there then so be it....... Dad needs to face facts and life and be a real FATHER !!!! ok, sorry, I got mad just thinking about it...... but for real, the child has rights too ya know, and so do you !!! stand up to him and just let it fly...... tell him, like my grandmother used to say, * how the cow ate the cabbage*, and do what is right....... I applaud you and your bravery and understanding and compassion for this innocent child........ and God sees it too...... God bless
2006-06-06 13:24:35 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you are a strong woman to accept another woman child. Your husband is being really terrible. I would allow the children to get to know each other, after all they are blood relatives.
2006-06-06 13:24:21 · answer #7 · answered by Jayla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your husband should do that cause when push comes to shove, your kids will neglect him and the one that he is neglecting will be the one to look after him. Although it isnt your kid, the kid still has siblings and they should have a bond.
2006-06-06 13:22:14 · answer #8 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well tell that lady the truth her son wants to be a part of his other siblings life to. forget that if he cheated and got a son, it slipt out ur mouth in sayin the truth and now u have a happier family.
2006-06-06 13:20:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would invite her over with his on and talk to him like You did it and you have to deal with it don't let him act like that is not his child he made a dumb mistake that he could of avoided and now it's his time to act like a man
2006-06-06 13:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by sweetangelzlove 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋