i recently decided to leave my husband for several reasons (irresponsible, physically/emotionally abusive, financially draining etc...but this is a different story altogether). my son is 7 years old and he grew up spending most of the time with his father, since he is unemployed. i admit that my son is his father's son but what i can't take is that my son does not want to be with me even just on weekends when i don't have work.
when i dropped by to pick him up he was crying and said that he wouldn't go with me and he does not want me to take him to my mom's house where i stay. son also said he is not happy at my mom's place because he has no playmates there. ok, true. but it is really heartbreaking if he refuses to go out with me without his father. he said he's afraid i might take him. what is this? am i a kidnapper? that's how i feel my son looks at me. i don't hurt my son.
this happened shortly after i decided not to give money to ex-hubby.
how can i take him back?
2006-06-06 13:07:55 · 16 answers · asked by travlin soul 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your son is confused this must be reALLY HURTING HIM AND HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS IT. I believe a child should be with their mother unless its a harmful situation. What do you do with him? Spend quality time with him. Ask him what he would like to do with you . You'd be surprised of the answers it may just be as simple as going to the baseball field. You be his playmate and keep him busy when he's with you. you are not a kidnapper....and 1 issue that i hope is not taking place is your ex saying negative things about you infront of your son. Kids are very impressionable and he may not be saying it to him but your son maybe listening to conversations that your ex is having! I applause you for leaving a harmful situation- but just talk to your son! tell him whats going on and that you would never want him to cry and that you will never hurt him! he will listen, may not take it in right away but will listen. do not give up your right to see him see him as often as you can! your son needs to know that you are their for him ... I feel so bad for you , I really do... its tough to make a living and be a mother... i know... but eventually things will work out as long as you don't give up...
2006-06-06 13:18:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
If your ex is a real jerk, he may be putting your son up to all this. Now, it's kinda wierd that the courts would give your ex the kid being that he's unemployed and all...normally they give the kids to the mum, or split the time up evenly between the two of you. If you haven't done anything wrong...I would suggest taking your ex back to court, especially if your ex was the abusive one! He may be hurting your child into saying these things to you...you never know!
2006-06-06 20:12:41 · answer #2 · answered by beauvoir_babe1865 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When adult divorced, their children suffered the most. Try to understand his situation, he feel hurts as you decide to leave his dad. For you, maybe he is just a small kid but you also must know that he do have feelings. Even how bad your husband treat you, I think he is a good dad as your son prefer to be with him than with you. Try to spend more time with your son, play games with him and bring him out with your friend or relatives who also have children, so he will have friend to play with. Don't expect him to choose to be with you. If you love him, you will not force him to choose. Talk to your son and try to find out what he think about the divorce matter. Remember, loving a person doesn't mean you have to be with him all the time... we will be happy if the person we love is happy.
2006-06-06 20:55:48 · answer #3 · answered by rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though there may be some brainwashing going on however you are the parent. When you go to pick up your son, greet his father cordially. When you arrive at your home simply spend time with him. Do not ask him questions about his father. Do not talk negatively about his father in front of him. Simply be the mother you are and love your child to the best of your ability.
You show your child who you are by being you, all he wants is to be loved by both his parents. Ask him about him, what he likes, what he enjoys, ask him about school, how he is getting along with his friends, what projects he is working on, who is his favorite teacher and why. You are the adult here you set the tone, your son will follow your lead. There are times when you will feel like you are back peddling because you will have some work to do everytime he comes over, repeat things, ensure him, eventually he will settle in, be consistant.
Do not make him feel like he has to choose. If he says something to you about what his father said do not reply negatively. If its something that needs to be clarified then do so without degrading the father believe me he will start to see the difference. Hold your tongue even when you feel like saying that son of a bi**h, sollow it, suck it up until he leaves, when he is gone call your girlfriend/therapist/counsellor and vent. Whatever you do, do not put him in the middle, although that is where he is physically you do not need to plant him their emotionally.
If things become really difficult as they sound as if they are then i would suggest getting a mediator for the situation and a counsellor for your son. The last thing you want is for your son's emotions to be played with and it sounds likely that someone might be feeding him some serious crap. His emotional and psychological health is very important and not to be messed with. Never let him here you speak ill of his father even if he is bad. Your son is paying attention believe it or not, he in his little world is checking you both out; keep in mind always your intention, what and who you want your son to be, how you want him to deal with and resolve situations. This is a learning curve for both you and him. You are raising the man of tomorrow and you have to be a strong positive force in his life, a beacon when things go dim. Your son is not stupid he knows whats going on, what has gone on but he is feeling torn.
If you need to vent do it away from him. talk to a friend, a therapist whatever but never in front of him. Dont make your guilt stop your from being a good parent. Do not over indulge him because you want him to side with you. Make no mistake your son loves you every bit as much as he loves his father. The issue is his father seem to be in his ear 24/7 and at 7 he is not equipped to deal with adult situations nor should he be made to.
Perhaps you may want to look into getting a counsellor for your son. Someone he can talk to and not feel guilty, or hurt, someone neutral that he does not have to worry about their feelings or losing their love.
Hope that helps
2006-06-06 20:45:55 · answer #4 · answered by Virtuous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'm not a mom, but just from reading it I'm devastated for you. It must be a horrible feeling. Your son right now just wants to have fun. Take him to fun places, he'll love that. Show him what a great mom you are! =0)
2006-06-06 20:12:12 · answer #5 · answered by ac28 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the x is talking **** about you to your kid and the only to fix things is to just take your son .............then put him in so kind of play group well you work and then get your kids some help This wont be easy but you need to do what is right for the kid he 7 he don't get make the choice you are the parent you need to stand up for that
2006-06-06 20:13:08 · answer #6 · answered by trouble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him in some fun weekend activities with kids his own age. Something he likes. That way, you'll pick him up and take him to, say, Karate, swimming lessons, some sort of music lessons, or whatever he's interested in, and you'll have him for the rest of the weekend (or whatever time frame you have him)
2006-06-06 20:12:08 · answer #7 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not easy on him, being stuck in the middle. He may feel abandoned. Is it possible to take a friend of his with you on occasion.
It is also possible your ex is using this against you out of spite. Don't take it out on your son though. Go to counseling.
2006-06-06 20:32:35 · answer #8 · answered by Sancira 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, a child wont just say such a thing like that unless someone has put that thought in their head. If i was you, try to get your son alone and ask him who told him such things.
2006-06-06 20:11:48 · answer #9 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know, I would if I were you, I would take him to a day care so he can have play mates and play with him there. Then maybe he wouldn't mind being whit you so much.
2006-06-06 20:20:05 · answer #10 · answered by Crappy Haircut Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋