OK, blast away, I'm married with kids but I love someone else......?

Question

I've been married for 15yrs, we have 2 kids. She basically tricked me and we had the first child, then I gave up on life being any different, we had the 2nd. I LOVE my kids. I've known for yrs that we didn't love each other, but I would not break it off for the kids' sakes. My wife is cold, unloving to me and the kids, and is very selfish. I've always thought it would get better, have supported her endeavours, given her all the material thinngs she wanted, tried to ignore the problem, did all the romantic things I should( trying to convince myself it would get better), encouraged counseling etc, but no avail.
I find myself completely in love with someone I've known for several yrs, we're not physical together, that wouldn't be right, but we have acknowledged our love for each other for several months, it really is the real deal. The only things I care about are the well being and development of my kids and my love for this woman. My wife will fight me for the kids, what can I do?

Answer 1

I dont blame you at all. You have to do what you feel is right for you. If youve tried everything and nothing has worked then its time to let it go. As for whats best for your children, its definately not two miserable parents. In the long run that will only hurt them. I wish you the best of luck. (also, in my opinion, if you have truly found love with this other woman you shouldnt let that slip away.....youll regret it later!)

Answer 2

If all you say is true then you and my son should have a chat... the same thing happened to him.. and I know this for a fact, I heard the words right from the horses mouth so to speak... anyway, this is a very delicate and tough situation... but the fact that you were tricked and deceived sways my opinion to just let it go...... what I mean is..... if you are unhappy, she is unhappy, and the kids are in the middle of it, well, maybe it is time to at least separate for a while..... I do NOT advocate divorce, it should be the last and final step any couple takes... but if all party's are that bad off staying together is worse than a divorce.... just make sure it is what you want before you go that route..... and if you do make sure everything about the kids is spelled out in black and white... every little detail should be accounted for, every situation should be thought of and responses and responsibilities of each party spelled out to the dotted i 's and crossed T's.... but before you take the divorce route, like I said, you had better think long and hard about it all........ be sure ..... God bless

Answer 3

Leave the b i t c h. Your life and happiness matters too. Yes you may be apart from the kids for a bit here and there for the transition but they are still your kids and when shes done being a royal c u n t about you being happy again and throws you in jail once or twice to make you look bad in court when you fight for custody she'll need your help and start offering them to you much more often. just keep that b i t c h away from the girl you love and dont let her f#ck up your new relationship cause she can. Dont let her even know were she lives or have her phone # cause she may try to light her place on fire and try to stalk her aswell. Whatever you do my friend DO NOT TOUCH HER. Also ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE (a witness) WHEN YOU PICK THEM UP NO MATTER WHAT. She can try to choke herself and take pics then call 911. Another thing to remember THE MAN ALWAYS GOES DOWN IN ANY D V CHARGE. Be carefull and good luck. Shes gonna be very jealous and pissed off the next few years. P>S dont make the lawyers too rich!!!!!

Answer 4

First things first. How old are your kids? If they are teenagers, they, by law, can make their own decision as to whom they want to live with. There is no way your present wife could be assured custody. Secondly. You will have to provide wifely support, depending on what state you live in. Next. Does your lover lady care for the children? What kind of a relationship do they have? You realize that your wife will probably get the house, or at best, half of everything you owned together. Her lawyer will try to prove you have been unfaithful and drag your butt through the hot coals so as to get the judge to throw you to the dogs and she be the poor victim. Get witnesses, document any adverse actions on her part that you can use against her. Try to write down a lot of the verbal abuse, if any, that occured, so you can have some ammunition to fight the war with. Be prepared to prove your side of the story, Talk to your children and let them know what to expect in retaliation from her and the lawyer. The lawyer will try to make you all out to be liars just to get what you want.At all cost, do not lose your temper, she will use that against you, especially in front of the judge. Play it cool, let her mess up. Wish I could tell you more. Just tread carefully, you will be walking on thin ice. Good luck.

Answer 5

Excuse me, but how does someone "trick" you into having a child, when you know that every time you have sex (birth control or not) you take a chance on creating a baby?
And let me guess...you married her in the first place because she was pregnant and because you thought you could change her?
Everytime anyone has sex with another person, there is a cost.
You have now found out what that 20 minutes of pleasure has cost you.
You have 2 choices:
1. divorce your wife and kiss your kids goodbye.
2. stop seeing the other woman.

To go on seeing the other woman would be wrong (even though you are not sleeping with her).

Answer 6

Ok, so the first time you had sex with this woman...you didn't care about her, just there for kicks. Oops, there's a baby on the way! Get a clue! You made a vow before GOD that you would stick with this woman! The best thing to do is start looking at her good points, not focusing on her bad ones. Talk good about her. Eventually you will find that your attitude will begin to turn. Ditch the other woman, it's a ploy of the devil to mess up your household! Adultery ALWAYS looks good! The reason the grass is greener on the other side is because there's more POO there!

Answer 7

you can give whatever excuses you want about your wife, the fact is no one put a gun in your head and force you go through that at all!! The fact is you trick yourself into thinking this relationship works and it takes you 15 years to realize that? Here's the newsflash, children know whether you and your wife have a loving relationship. Staying in an unhappy marriage will not benefit the children. You have to decide and come to terms with your wife regarding the future of your children. If you two can arrange an amiacable divorce and still share the parenting duties , than you can move on and pursue your new relationship.

Answer 8

wow you really have yourself in a tough situation... You sound sincere in your efforts to stay together with your wife for your kids sake but sometimes its not the best thing especially if your kids are witness to arguements, how you are in your relationship with your wife will affect your children. because children base their own relationships with others from their parents... as they do in every other aspect. The basis from which we live our lives comes from what our parents teach us and how we grow up. Do you really want your children to grow up and think that this is the way a relationship should be??? I dont usually tell someone to get a divorce but in your case i think it would be best. If you have tried all you can there isnt much you can do. Not if both partners arent willing to make it work. You shouldnt live the rest of your life in misery... your children will pick up on this... As far as your children she as a mother will have an advantage over you which is sad but its true. If she is not an unfit mother and can provide for her children then the court will rule in her favor but you do have a right to partial custody if you wish to fight for it... or you could simply choose visitation rights and agree upon the weekends and so on and so forth... Staying together for the kids while in its own right is a good thing but you shouldnt live your life in misery... After all you only get to live once, shouldnt you be happy? And your children wont grow up with major problems because mommy and daddy arent together, but they may if they witness the fighting and the pain... im sorry there isnt much i can tell you on this, i think that its best that you wait before you have a relationship with this woman simply because your wife can use this against you... if you do get a divorce i would wait until the divorce is finalized..
sorry i couldnt be of more help to you

Answer 9

The grass always looks greener. Until you spend day and night with this person you don't know what it is like. You can't imagine it. You can't know if it is the real deal, but while still married and the thought of someone else is not reality.

If your kids know that there are problems then they see that as a normal relationship and that is what they will carry on into their relationships. Don't stay for just the kids. They will be ok if you love them and they see you.

Answer 10

You only have one life - do you feel you've sacrificed a large chunk of it so far? How long will you stay in your current situation, until your kids leave home? You know you're going to leave at some point it's just a matter of when. How long will this other woman wait for you?

Only you can decide what you're going to do, but if I'd spent a big part of my life feeling trapped I'd leave even if I didn't have someone waiting for me. As for your kids if they're old enough to understand why you're leaving they're old enough to be heard in a court deciding custody and access.

Good luck