what do you think about the cry it out method?

Question

hi thanks for taking the time to answer my question. the thing is i have NOT attempted this method yet. my daughter is 8 1/2months old .my first child . and i pick her up when she crys and dont want to put her in her crib to cry her self to sleeplike a lot of first time moms proibily do. i have tryed to do every thing by the book . and it says when they are very younger that the cry it out method is rong because there too young to understand .. so now that shes a bit older she is use to my picking her up when she wants me. and wont fall asleep unlessin my arms .but my husband and my mom are telling me i need to put her in her crib and even if it takes 2 hours of screaming to leave her untill she falls asleep. and dont pick her up every time she crys.now initially your not to use the method because it's causes insecurity. so now that shes secure in that fact that i'm there for her . wont it just reverce it all . if all of a sudden i stop picking her up

she does sleep in her crib after she falls to sleep in my arms.,

Answer 1

Every one, including doctors, have a different view on this subject. I have 2 kids, 6 years old and 11 weeks old, and I have never used the "cry it out" method. I think it is cruel. Now there are exeptions to every rule of course. When my 6 year old was a baby (not a newborn but like 8 months +) and he would start to wimper from his crib I would wait a few seconds to see if he was really awake or if he was just awake for 30 seconds and then back to sleep, otherwise I would get up and by the time I got to his room he was fast asleep and half the time the noise of me going to his room, or the light coming through the door way would wake him up and he wouldnt be happy!
Now that my oldest is 6 there are times where I let him cry it out in his room. For example, if he throws a fit because I wont let him play outside while its raining, or I wont let him have some ice cream, then he goes to his room and he can cry all he wants because there is nothing wrong and he is just throwing a fit.
I don't agree with letting a child cry, especially a baby. Unless a child (not a baby) is throwing a fit, there is a reason they are crying. Maybe they are scared, hurt, hungry, etc. I think the crying out method is an excuse to be lazy. Instead of doing what you need to do to figure out why your child is crying ( maybe their pjs are scratchy, they are hot/cold, they are afraid to sleep in the dark and just want a night light, etc) "cry it out" followers just sit back and say "They aren't hurt, they'll cry it out."
Thats just my opinion. If you don't feel comfertable letting your child cry it out then dont do it. You dont need to do some thing because your mother or husband thinks you should do it. If your husband really wants to let her cry it out then he can do that when he is taking care of her, but if your husband is anything like mine then it will be you taking care of her 90% of the time, so you should choose the method you feel comfertable with cause it will affect you the most.

Answer 2

I wouldn't go as far as letting her cry for hours, but the cry it out method can work. You need to start with a few minutes at a time though. Put her in the crib and let her cry about 10-15 minutes and then pick her up for about 5-10 minutes. Then put her back in the crib for another 10-15 minutes and so on. The goal is to eventually (after a few days) reach the point where you no longer have to hold her for her to fall asleep.

Answer 3

I would say that, as long as YOU have the time to let her fall asleep in your arms, then you're fine.

However, you should be prepared for a day when you don't have the time. At some point, she will need to learn how to fall asleep on her own.

When I had to do this with my daughter, the first night it took about 30 minutes, with me reassuring her after 10 minutes, so that she knew I would come if she needed me. The second night, it took 20 minutes. The third night, it took about 5 minutes.

It definitely was a gut wrencher, but it needed to be done, and it only took a few nights for us to get into the habit of her falling asleep on her own.

You might try a variation on the theme. Instead of letting her cry, perhaps you could have her fall asleep on your bed, while you're sitting next to her rubbing her back, or cuddling with her. Then move her to the crib after she's asleep. Something like this could let her get used to falling asleep without being in your arms, and could be a first step to falling asleep by herself.

Answer 4

I use that method, but not for 2 hours. You can tell by their cry if it isn't going to work. I give him 10 minutes, and that's all it takes if he's over tired. You may have a bigger fight on your hands due to the fact that you pick her up every time she cries. Start with 10 minutes...then see how it goes

Answer 5

It works. But: the child has known only a warm cozy feeling since she became able to sense her environment. Now that she is outside the womb things are not the same. She has issues with not being comforted. Remember, during her 9 months of development she became aware of your voice, your body heat and the comforting surroundings of your body. Now, outside, she misses them.

My son was accustomed to loud cars and loud music from before being born. After being born he would ALWAYS sleep in the car with the radio playing. As soon as the car and the music stopped he would wake up.

While the CRY IT OUT method will work, it works at a cost. My son had no problem sleeping when a radio was placed by his crib. It reminded him of his first known world of comfort, and eased his transition WITHOUT being picked up all the time OR being left to cry mercilessly.

They grow up and out of phases. Being a parent means being patient with changes and learning. Find something you ALWAYS did while carrying her in the womb and try that. It's possible she may respond quite well.

My favorite thing as a toddler was the wall heater. The warm air surrounding me reminded me of when I was on the inside. I'd stand in front of it every time it came on. I even fell over falling asleep on my feet a few times. To this day warm blowing air is comforting.

Answer 6

Yes, leaving her to cry it out *will* teach her that she can't count on you. It will undermine your relationship. It may not be permanent (how would you even measure that?!), but it will harm your daughter *and* you.

Consider it from a *human* perspective. How would you feel if you came home one day in tears because of something that had happened at work or with your best friend, and your husband told you that if you were going to cry, could you at least go into your room and not come out until you could be civil? Someone who is in emotional turmoil usually wants comfort. (Some adults are comforted by being alone, but that is a *choice* they make--not something that is imposed by someone else.)

Another consideration is that when a baby/child cries alone, they release large amounts of cortisol (a stress hormone) even *after* the crying stops. So, calories that your daughter needs for growth and development will instead go to combat the stress.

Crying it out is not good for her emotionally, psychologically, or even physically.

You *cannot* spoil a child by loving her. Spoiling involves giving *things* not giving *yourself*. Your daughter will learn to comfort herself when she has the *maturity* to do so. Have you *ever* seen a 30 year old (even the most spoiled rotten ones!!) who can't fall asleep until her/his mother rocks her/him to sleep?

Answer 7

I dont like leaving my child there to cry it out either... But there does come a point i think when they need to learn your not going to pick them up everytime they cry. I started out by putting her in her crib and letting her cry for 5-10 min then i would go in and hold her and let her know i was there. Then put her back in for another 5-10 min. I would never let her cry more then 15 min. I think thats just mean. Cause they dont really understand especially if they are used to you running everytime they cry. Try warm lavender baths right before bed. If my daughter is really fussy i rub lavender lotion on her feet and she goes right to sleep. Good Luck!

Answer 8

I think making them cry it out at any age is borderline child abuse!!! A couple minutes here and there when you have to get something done is one thing, but it is natural for babies to want their mom at the end of the day to rock them to sleep. Don't listen to what other people tell you, you may have a hundred people telling you how to raise your baby. You're doing fine the way you've been doing it.

Answer 9

My baby is 5 months and she is very fussy at times. She likes to be held alot and gets bored realy fast. So for answering your question i would tell you to let her cry for a little while especially if you know theres nothing wrong with her. Most of the time i give into my baby but sometimes im busy and tired so i just let her cry it out. It does work before you know it she done fell asleep.WOW im reading all the babysitters and they all say" let them cry" now im second guessing the whole babysitter thing.haha

Answer 10

Rarely does it end up being 2hrs. I'm no mom but I do babysit young babies quite a lot. Rule of thumb is to let them cry...listen to the cry... there's a difference between the "I'm crying cause I can" cry and the "I'm really in distress cry". Usually they will tired themselves out in less than 20mins and fall asleep.

Keep to a routine... bath, story, rocking, bed. She should get it eventually.