how do u deal with a miscarriage, i'm losing my mind?

Question

i just recently had a miscarriage at 5 wks.... this was my 1st pregnancy and it wasn't expected however, i'm still hurt.. i was so excited. I've missed a wk from work and i'm so depressed, i can't concerntrate and i jusr keep crying. How can i handle this? Any advice on how to handle my pain? I really want to try again.... but don't know if i should... my doc says it's ok after i get another cycle but my mom and friends say i need to give my body time to heal... Should i? Also i was told that i could get pregnant alot faster now that i had this miscarriage and that i showld wait alteast 6 wks before sex just as if i had a baby... I don't think that is true... What do u think can i get pregnant again so fast right after a miscarriage?

Answer 1

i had a miscarriage a year ago and the doctor told me i was 4-5 weeks pregnant. (my second pregnancy cause i have a 4 year old)

i had my period that month (may 2005) and it was normal but then i started to bleed 4 days later. i didn't know what was wrong with me but my mom and husband both had me believing i was having another period. But i knew that couldn't be cause that has never happened to me.
well after 6 days of this (hurting,bleeding,tiredness) i went to the ER and they told me i was pregnant. I was so shocked cause we weren't trying but i wanted the baby.

they thought i was having a tubal pregnancy (i wasn't) and they done an ultrasound on me and there was no baby in my uterus.
They kept me in the hospital overnight and do you know where they put me?
On the maternity floor for me to hear other people's babies crying when i just lost mine.
That was so awful..I had to be sedated. The next day when the doctor came in he told me how far along i had been and if i were going to try again to wait 2 months.
The day i got out i was not hurting or nothing like that so if i hadn't of gone to the Er i would have never known i was pregnant.

I did name the baby even though i will never know if it was a girl or a boy. I named my baby "Jessie"

It hurts so bad in the beginning after it happens but as time passes on it will get better i promise you.
You will never forget about it but it won't hurt as bad for you after a while.
This happened to me a year ago and yes i do think of the baby everyday but it does not hurt as bad as when i lost it.
It does kill me knowing that i could have a 4 month old baby right now.
It is not your fault you miscarried you didn't do anything to cause it to happen as neither did i (with my miscarriage)

All you can do is pray and start living life again. You can get pregnant again but maybe you should wait for a few months. I though have not tried at all. Everything happens for a reason. Don't be so hard on yourself cause you didn't make yourself lose your baby.
I wish you all the best and i hope you have a baby soon (i know when you do have a baby it will not replace the one you lost)

Ovulation can occur 14 days after a miscarriage with the next period 28 days after the miscarriage, but there is great personal variation. It may take a few cycles before your regular pattern is re-established. This means that you can become pregnant 14 days after a miscarriage if you resume a normal cycle immediately, but there is a great personal variation. It can take up to 6 or 7 weeks for your next period to come if you had "natural" miscarriage (i.e. no D&C or tablets).
Getting pregnant after miscarriage
After losing a baby many couples worry about the prospects for another pregnancy. Dr Howard Lee suggests strategies for coping with miscarriage and trying again

A miscarriage can be devastating. There's a feeling that somehow what happened was your fault, that something you did may have triggered the loss - exercise, a minor fall, sexual intercourse. This is rarely the case. Some women also worry that a previous abortion has affected them and may have caused their miscarriage, but there's no evidence to back this up either.

Research suggests that 50% of pregnancies miscarry before they implant in the womb and even when pregnancy has been confirmed - 35-50 days after conception - about 25% will end in miscarriage.

The aftermath

Sometimes a D&C (dilatation and curettage) has to be carried out after a miscarriage to make sure that the womb is completely clear. This procedure, also known as a 'scrape', involves a general anaesthetic and a short stay in hospital. It won't weaken your cervix or make you more likely to miscarry in subsequent pregnancies.

Your doctor and midwife should be sympathetic and understanding, but there aren't any tests that can help to determine what caused the miscarriage. Focus on the fact that serious medical problems are rarely to blame and it's very likely that your next pregnancy will be successful. Should you have a second miscarriage - and many women do miscarry more than once in their lives - you may be referred to a specialist. However, even sophisticated tests may not produce any reasons for successive miscarriages.

Coping with the grief

You never forget the experience of losing a baby. As well as the grief, your body will undergo some profound hormonal adjustments, which may make you feel emotionally vulnerable and volatile.

Although it's difficult, it may help to tell family or close friends how you feel. If you'd like to talk to other couples who have been through a miscarriage, you can log on to our message board or get in touch with local support groups in your area by contacting the Miscarriage Association

C/o Clayton Hospital, Northgate, Wakefield, W Yorkshire WF1 3JS Tel: [phone] (administration) Helpline: 01924 200 799 (Mon-Fri 9-4pm, then answer phone) Fax: [phone]

Each woman will have her own way of handling the situation, but the days and weeks following a miscarriage can be extremely difficult. A sense of shock, grief, depression, fatigue or failure may set in. Some couples feel isolated and withdraw, others want to talk about their loss. But remember that not everyone is going to understand your emotions. To outsiders - it may just be 'another miscarriage'.

Is it important to wait before trying for another baby?

Some couples decide that they want to begin trying for another pregnancy right away; others feel that they need time to get over their loss. It's up to you.

Many health professionals suggest that you should wait between three and six months after a miscarriage before trying to get pregnant again - most recommend that you have at least one normal period. Research suggests that the risk of miscarriage in the next pregnancy is about one and a half times higher if you don't allow yourself one normal cycle before you try again.

However, don't worry if you find yourself pregnant again before you have a period.

The risk of further miscarriages

Having a miscarriage does not necessarily mean that you have a fertility problem. Most women go on to have healthy pregnancies later. Even after repeated miscarriages (three or more in a row) you still have a 70-80% chance of carrying another pregnancy to term.

Unfortunately, if you had a miscarriage that was associated with an ectopic pregnancy, there is a 20% risk that a further pregnancy could become ectopic and this may affect your fertility.

How to prepare for pregnancy after a miscarriage

Take regular exercise
Eat a healthy diet
Try to keep your weight within reasonable limits
Lower your alcohol intake
Reduce your intake of high-caffeine drinks, such as coffee
Stop smoking
Take folic acid to help the development of your baby's nervous system
Avoid any unnecessary medication
Rest as much as possible during the first few weeks of pregnancy
Easier said than done - but try not to get over anxious
Stress is known to release certain chemicals in the brain that can interfere with the production of your normal pregnancy hormones. If you're worried, talking to others who have had similar problems does help, so log on to our message board and share your feelings.

Above all, try to remember that most couples that have a miscarriage go on to have a healthy baby.

maybe you need to see a doctor if you are depressed. hope you feel better soon and god bless

Answer 2

It's been 2 months after my first m/c, first pregnancy...it was also at 6 weeks. I just got my period this week finally! I felt just like you at the beginning...I could barely get out of bed, I didn't want to talk about it, I couldn't stop breaking down...but I have!! Time heals, nothing else helped for me but time and talking about it...it's funny how once you start talking about it with people, oyu find that many of your friends and friends of their friends, even family members have had them...sooo common, though that doesn't make us feel any better at all while we're going through it...my PERSONAL opinion is NOT TO WAIT as some are telling you...the only thing that is healing me is hope. So I'm excited (VERY SCARED) to try again this month and next month, etc...and that's what is getting me by...my only emotion now is the occasional sadness which last minutes, seconds...and fear that this will happen to me again...some days I feel positive that it'll be okay, like today, and other days, I'm scared to death that it will happen again...you do not need to wait 6 weeks to have sex...at all...I promise... wait 2 weeks after the bleeding STOPS to have sex, take baths, etc,...then have at it...true, some docs say to wait 6mo, 3mo, 2mo to try again, but truthfully, I think we're okay right away as long as the miscarriage was early enough that we didn't lose too much lining... I'm waiting through one period, then I'm letting go and trying again....but in a less TRY way, just whatever happens, happens...I'm so sorry for you... each day will be a little bit better, it's like two steps forward, one step back...

Answer 3

My Angel Baby

To the baby that I carried
But never seen your eyes
Or tell you how much I loved you
Or ever to hear your cries.

You will never be forgotten
The excitement we had for your coming.
When I realized I'd never hold you,
The feeling I had was numbing.
My angel baby is who you are.
My angel baby you'll always be.
Your loving memory will live in my heart
So you will always be right here with me.


(c) Lori Jager All Rights Reserved

You certainly can try again. But just remember there are no guarantees with any pregnancy. So make sure you have given yourself enough time to grieve over the loss of this baby, before you try to have another. The hardest part of a miscarriage is that you so strongly feel the loss of this little life, when everyone around you never even got the chance to experience the life of the baby in order to feel the loss. Just know that there are so many other women out there who understand your pain, because they too lost a "little one" that nobody else ever knew.
Yes you can get pregnant right away. I lost my first pregnancy, got pregnant with my little girl (now 2 1/2) one month later, lost my 3rd pregnancy and got pregnant with my son (now 10mths) three months later.

Answer 4

Part of what you are having is post partum depression. Even though you lost the baby your body is still going through a lot of hormonal changes right now.

Also many people feel that having a miscarriage is as traumatic as losing a child. In fact it is, a child, even though it didn't come to full term. You need to allow yourself to greive. Don't feel like you shouldn't be hurting. It's okay.

But you can be glad in the thought that perhaps this baby would not have been healthy if it went to full term. It may have had a lot of problems that would be painful to the baby and for you. Perhaps it was best that this child did not have to endure the pain of living in pain, that it could just go in peace.

My mother had 2 miscarriages before she had my youngest brother. I think it would be okay for you to start trying again as soon as your doctor okays it. Then you can work with your doctor to make sure everything that can be done to prevent another miscarriage is done.

Good Luck, and let yourself greive, you will be okay and have a beautiful (healthy) baby in your arms someday.

Answer 5

Well you some dr.'s say wait 1 cycle others say 3 cycles..It really varies. It really depends on each individual as far as how easy it is getting pregnant right away. Ive heard a lot of people that had problems conceiving with their first but no problem after which would lead you to believe that it is easier once you have already achieved a pregnancy. I personally would wait until after 1st cycle AT LEAST. Sorry for youur loss and good luck ttc. :)

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your loss hon. I can well understand the pain you are going through as I m/c ten days ago @10.5wks. My family and I had a ceremony to cope with our loss and I have ordered a sweet pendant to remember our angel by. Understand that for whatever reason, this little one wasn't meant to be in this world at this time, much as that hurts. What I have discovered through all of this is that as much as you crave another, and yes it appears fertility is high after a m/c, is that all the thinking and hoping and craving in the world will not make a baby. It will happen its own natural way when you are relaxed and ready. I wish you all the sticky baby dust your arms can hold.

Answer 7

I had a miscaridge at 19 weeks i had already felt it moving and every thing. It was so depressing to me. How ever i finally got pregnant agin I lost the baby in October and I was pregnant in March so it took me about 5 months or so to get pregnant agin and now I have a healthy baby girl that is 3 years old. and now i have been on the depo shot and want another baby. they say it could take 9 to 12 months for me to get pregnant. Who knows really the way I see it if it is meant to be it will be.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

First off I am very sorry for you loss. Secondly, I would have to agree with your family and suggest that you wait to get pregnant again. Miscarriage is a very difficult thing to deal with. Before you get pregnant again you need to gain a sense of closure over the child you lost. Once you've done that you can try and get pregnant again.

Answer 9

Same thing happende to me at 9 weeks. You need to find someone to talk to. I was told to wait a cycle till I started trying again. I lost the first baby in Aug, and was pregnant again in December. I know its hard, but look at it this way, its nature's way of telling you that there was something wrong with the baby. Try again as soon as you feel like it. But definately talk to a support group

Answer 10

Talk to others who have the same experience. My sister had a miscarriage in December. A month later she actually had a mental breakdown from keeping the pain inside. God knows I tried to be there for her but I couldn't sympathize with her for I have never been in her shoes. So talk to others. She is still trying to get pregnant. Good luck

Answer 11

I can understand your hurt. I have miscarried 8 times. I did carry 2 to full term. It was very difficult. The best thing to so is wait awhile before you try again and keep family and freinds close. They can help you. Don't be afraid to talk with your husband about this as he is most likely upset as well
God Bless