When is a marriage over?

Question

How do you know you have done all you can? Married 1 1/2 years (2nd marriage) to a man who is totally selfish and emotionally unavailable. We went to counseling for 6 months until he could no longer fit it in his schedule. A little more history here: We chose to marry when I found out I was pregnant. We had just recently gotten back together after being broke up for 3 months. So bad situation to begin with. I often feel second to everything. We spend hardly any time together and it is always me with the 4 children (3 from previous marriage),little to no help from him. He has for the most part shut me down when I try to communicate my needs to him. Even though when we were broke up he swore he wanted to change and he understood what I needed. Now he resents me for still needing these common things out of a marriage, time, consideration, respect, attention, compliments once in a while. I have never been jealous or had a low self esteem until I met and experienced him. I feel so stuck.

Thank you all.....and I just wanted to say I am really not a stupid blonde (in response to the blonde joke) I just happen to be someone who is filled with compassion and tries to see the goodness in everyone and believes in giving chances and not being so judgemental as we all have our faults. The only problem here is it has turned on me.....He does love me as much as he is capable of loving. Finally though I realize...when it changes me as a person (miserable,depressed,jealous,insecure) things I have never been before....then I know he is obviously no good for me. I hate to put my children through yet another divorce...and I am a christian so was hoping by turning it over to God that he could build this marriage for me. He cant make my husband make the right choices I know.....these are ours to make....In saying that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I have done all I can. Now it is just time to figure out the timing. Not to mention this man is sooo persuasive and mentally abusive.

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you already know the marriage is over. Just try to get through the divorce as quickly as you can and for the sake of the children don't badmouth him. You may want to divorce him but they don't have to.

Answer 2

Either can paintings, is dependent upon the individuals. Seriously...I've labored with individuals of many exceptional cultures and feature obvious just a little little bit of the whole thing. Arranged marriages particularly can paintings. If performed effectively, the suitors are selected situated on competencies of the individual they're selected for. The 2 may have a risk to fulfill earlier than the wedding is to take position and if for any cause one or the opposite or each are not interested, the wedding won't occur. Because many elements are positioned into arranging a wedding, it could have an overly well risk for survival. On the opposite hand, those marriages may also be disastrous, chiefly for the girl, if the arrangers have ulterior factors - cash, fame, some thing. Often in circumstances like this, the marriages a mismatch -ladies paired with guys historic adequate to be there father who're very controlling, abusive, and so forth. That does occur as good. With love marriage it could paintings if you happen to think that with love something is viable. However, whilst a wedding is situated on love and not anything else, it is like surroundings whatever as much as fail. Don't get me incorrect, love marriages can undoubtedly paintings, however cannot be situated completely on love or it does not have a lot of a risk. But particularly, if you happen to stopped to consider approximately it...if a fit by way of an web courting web page results in marriage...what style of marriage could it honestly be viewed? A hybrid of each?

Answer 3

Hhaving so many kids is a lot of work and is also expensive, it sounds to me as if you both are worn out with work and responsibilities leaving no time for romance.
It seems to me that you are getting frustrated and feeling that you are being taken for granted ,since you have sacrificed so much and not getting any recognition as of how much work it is to keep the house together and to raise four kids.
My suggestion is that you find a part time job to get out of the house, so you can regain some sense of worth and to feel as if you contribute to the household in other ways other than to be a mom. Do it while the kids are in school and put your little on in day care.
Take some classes and maintain your mind occupied other than laundry.
You are not happy because your job as a housewife is not being recognized. Men sometimes get too comfortable and think that just bringing the bacon home is enough.
Ask your self...what is that you want... Are you happy? Can your relationship be improved? Are you ready to move on?

Good luck

Answer 4

A marriage is over when one of the partner's is no longer willing to work on improving it. It sounds like you have seen many signs that indicate that he is not willing to work on making the marriage a healthy one. ...doesn't communicate, doesn't want to go to counseling, doesn't consider your feelings,
The feeling of being stuck is a common one. However, it is false. You are a great person with a lot of love to give. You can find strength from within to make your life better.

Answer 5

say bye bye to this guy! and oh by the way you are a beautiful beautiful woman.

Let me include a poem from Oprah for you:

Be A Queen!
Be a queen. Dare to be different.
Be a pioneer. Be a leader.
Be the kind of woman who in the face of adversity
will continue to embrace life and walk fearlessly
toward the challenge.
Take it on! Be a truth seeker and rule your domain,
whatever it is--your home, your office, your family
with a loving heart.
Be a queen. Be tender.
Continue to give birth to new ideas
and rejoice in your womanhood. . .
My prayer is that we will stop wasting time
being mundane and mediocre. . .
We are daughters of God--here to teach
the world how to love. . .
It doesn't matter what you've been through,
where you come from, who your parents are
--nor your social or economic status.
None of that matters.
What matters is how you choose to love,
how you choose to express that love through your work,
through your family,
through what you have to give to the world. . .
Be a queen. Own your power and your glory!
Oprah

Answer 6

Honey it is time to get out. If you are miserable ( which I know...be there done that) then divorce him. I stayed in my marriage for 10 years. I hated every day. Then my 9 year came up to me & asked why mommy was also sad. I knew then. It has been 2 years since my divorced & it has been great. My daughter & I have never been happier~

I wish you luck!

Answer 7

ok so whats the problem, you already know that he is a loser and cant be a good hubby.whats the problem? leave him while you still have a chance to be someone.he isnt there forf you or your kids, they dont have a father figure, how will he teach them anything when he is never around emotionally or physically? marriage isnt just finacial support it is everything. you dont have that right now. why do you have to bewithout it. how good will it be without him, it is already pretty much like that now, right? dont put your self or your kids through this. dump that loser,good luck

Answer 8

Hey if you both don't able to spend time for/to be each other plus you think that you are not happy with the marriage, get the separation first and later think over for divorce.

Answer 9

i was going through that..... i choose to live my life for my kid and for myself. that's what you should do. he will never change for you as you can see. if he wants to change he will do it for himself first. he is taking you forgranted and for those 3 months without you he felt lonely and his emotions say that he would at that time, but once you came back he thinks you'll stay so automatically he feels he doesn't need to anymore. i'm not saying he doesn't want to, but it's just not on the top of his list right now. once he see that you are doing things for yourself and respecting yourself then he may think twice. also maybe you might be doing something on your part that may drive him away from you. nagging doesn't help, always buggin him bout the problem wont help.... men aren't good with communication, they understand actions more...... anyway good luck!

Answer 10

The marriage was over before it began..we both know that.
Don't be in such a hurry to hope into a wedding bed the next time.