after 2 years of having an abortion I'm feeling sad and don't even want to talk to my bf, please help!

Question

We have been together for over 4 years (living together since the day we met). 2 years ago i found out i was pregnant (I was on the pill) so I didnt know how to tell him since we promised to wait until we were ready, had more money, etc. So I told him and he got real mad, saying that I got pregnant on purpose because I was jealous of his ex & that it was my way to mark my territory. of course I didnt get pregnant on purpose, it just happened! &since I didnt feel any support from him I thought i had to have an abortion. when I told him he was like: it's your decision, how easy for you I thought. the reason I did it was that I knew he didnt want a kid and why should a bring a kid to this world if he was not going to be welcomed? after that day we didnt talk about IT, I didnt feel bad & I definitely block my mind. yesterday i went to the doctor & she made me see that I need to let it go because it's hurting me. when I came back home&saw my bf I was like: I can't believe you didnt support

me! and to make things worse he has a 9 y.o. kid and now I realize why i can't stand her! she represents all the things i cant have, I can't get married yet because she doesnt like me, I can't have a decent vacation with my bf because he pays a lot on child support, i can't have a baby because she is there and i hate her because is not fair that her father didnt stop me from having an abortion and when her ex got pregnant he did the " right" thing and even married her! I don't want to break up, i just need to let this frustation go...

Answer 1

Yes. Abortion hurts emotionally. But don't blame it on the 9 year old boy that has nothing to do with your pregnancy and subsequent abortion. Sure, your b/f should have a say in the matter, he is a coward for not doing so, perhaps he was afraid. Men have feelings too, you know.

You have to get over the fact that your bf has a past and a child. You already knew it when you met him, so why complaining about it 4 years later?
You cannot undo his child support agreement , nor resent his child, he is who he is and that is part of him....so, you don't have a PERFECT man, so what? learn to live with it because no matter how mad you get, you cannot eliminate his past, If you love him, you should face reality and embrace it, instead of being bitter about his past choices.

Do you regret having an abortion? If so, talk to a counselor to help you heal. But I really think that what is happening is that you are really hurt in your ego, in your drems and aspiations. You had a master plan, carefully crafted since childhood and this is NOT the way it was supposed to happen! Perhaps you expected him to stop you from doing it and marry you and be happily ever after, and it didn't happen....so it's time to wake up and smell the coffee.
You can make the choice of keep on holding on to what it could have been or be happy with what you have,....or you could just move on with some one that whose past you can live with.

Good luck.

Answer 2

ABORTION IS NEVER THE ANSWER. It was a responsiblty of your's to carry the baby to term and if he did not want the child then you could have raises it on your own or gave it up for adoption. It is hard to raise a child as a single parent. I know I'm raising 4 starting at 7 years to a 5month old. But you made the decision because you felt there were no other choice and it is a hard choice that will be with you always. Just remember you do not need to hold it in side talk to him tell him how you feel and talk to other people find a support group a friend or family member that will listen. We all make mistakes in life pray to god to help see you through this it will take time. GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

I'm so sorry you felt you had to have an abortion! You really need to take an inventory of your relationship and talk to your bf. There seem to be some big problems!
It's a shame he didn't care enough about you and your pregnancy to actually give an opinion and talk about having the baby. If you wanted the baby he should have been supportive of your decision and been there - after all, he helped make it!
Regarding his 9 y/o daughter - you need to tell him how you feel about how his daughter affects your lives. If you both love eachother it's silly not to get married because his daughter doesn't like you. He needs to put his foot down with her and tell her that he loves you and she needs to respect you as a step mom. Same thing goes for you starting a family - none of this should be based on how his 9 y/o daughter feels. She is a CHILD, and you are the adults. Your bf needs to talk to her about everything and set her straight - then move on with his relationship with you. However, it may be that your bf is just hiding behind his daughter and using her as an excuse.
Talk to him and find out whats going on. If you both don't want the same things, you need to move on because you can find someone who will love you and want the same things you want.

Answer 4

Be glad abortion was an option for you, in my day it wasn't legal in the 1960's and I ended up getting pregnant by a man who lied to me about having a vasectomy and being divorced.Stupid, innocent, naive girl that I was. I ended up having the baby and my life has been very difficult because the man I did marry has thrown it in my face. You should dump this guy and start a new life he doesn't care about you and your feelings and that is no way to live believe me I have been there for many years. You did the right thing. The child I had turned out too much like his father and I have ended up raising his children too. Get counseling but not from an anti-abortion group try planned parenthood they offer those kind of services.

Answer 5

I definitely think you need to seek some sort of emotional help to help you move forward in your life. He should of been there for you then and now to help you deal with this. As far as his kid, you have to look at this different, she is an innocent victim of circumstances beyond her/his control. Every kid at a young age will always dream that their parents will get back together. If you want to make this relationship work you have to make her realize that you are not there to replace the mom, but to be a friend. It is also his job to make this relationship work between the two of you. From the sounds of it He is not emotional mature enough to handle this or to support you emotionally. I would suggest to move on in your life and find someone deserving of you. Love is a funny thing, is it worth making this work? Can you see a real future with him? Are you scared to move forward because you have invested four years and don't know how to take that first step without him?

Answer 6

i would say you need t go to a therapist, but if those are the things you want - if you want to have a kid and you want to get married - well you have to make a decision. his child doesnt like you cause yoiur not her mother and every kid wants their kids to stay together. you either stay with him and try to get her to like you and to see that you are not a bad person. and honey hating her is not going to help either. but on the other hand he should have been more supportive. me i woud have had it because i do not agree with getting an abortion unless it is necessary. i got married and i got pregnant when we werent ready and i ended up leaving him cause he just wasnt the person i thought he was. but i would not change anything in the world cause i am glad i had her. and things happen for a reason. you need to figure out what you really want in life and then do it. you need to be happy too. he is doing wha the is doing cause his child comes first. that is how it is when you have a child they come first untill they are 18.

Answer 7

Why would you want to be with a man that showed no support when you needed it most. You do need to take some of the resposiblity of the abortion as well, you are an adult capable of making decisions for your self. The way that it sounds, the daughter will never like you because it sounds like the dad doesn't like you very much and maybe he just has you there for a warm bed. You need to take care of you and if you are with him than there is going to be a struggle. Good Luck

Answer 8

Sweetheart I feel your pain. Anyone who hasnt been there doesnt know. I have been. Its been 7 years and although I made the right decision it still hurts. You need to cry and grieve and find someone who does support you. Your boyfriend does not. You said so many bad things about him Im wondering if there is anything good. Know that there are others out there who are going through it and it will get easier. And I know i dont know you but please find a man who deserves you because you sound sweet.

Answer 9

First, you need to forgive yourself. You made a decision that you didn't know was going to hurt you this way. And second, even though you said you didn't want to break up, you need to re-evaluate this relationship. His always going to have a daughter. She is always going to be part of her life and if you can't let go of the resentment that you have toward her, you will be misserable for as long as you are with him. It may be time to move on.

Answer 10

I'm against abortion... so any body that does that should have a guilty consious....I don't feel sorry for you because you chose to have sex then just murder an innocent human being....you could have gave the baby up for adoption...and your so called scum boyfriend was just an all out ***!!