I've slept with my best friend a couple of times, it was her initiative, and now she's suddenly not speaking to me any more... i think she's scared people will find out... and i miss her like crazy. what should i do?
by the way, this is the first experience with a girl for both of us. we've only had boyfriends before.
2006-06-06 08:05:44 · 25 answers · asked by sally 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
She's probably very confused,embarrassed,and possibly ashamed.She probably would have a hard time looking you in the eyes.When I was 15 I slept with my best friend too and went through the same thing.Eventually I got over it.It was alot easier for me to talk to her on the phone first before we started hanging out again and we didn't discuss the sex.Are you missing her as your best friend or as your girlfriend?She may not be interested in being your girlfriend but just wanted to experiment.Maybe you could write her a letter and let her know that you miss her friendship and that if the sex made her uncomfortable and she's afraid that it's changed your friendship you're willing to go back to the way things were.Just frenz.Ask her to tell you how she feels.Everyone one experiments at some point in there life and only a small percentage of us actually are bi or lesbian.i myself am bi and have been as long as I can remember,but she may not be.Sometimes it's easier to talk things through on paper.Give it a try.If you need someone to talk to you can e-mail me anytime.kalasmom3@yahoo.com:)
2006-06-14 12:01:29 · answer #1 · answered by kalasmom3 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should try and find a neutral spot and just talk to her. Tell her that you can keep your (each others) private business private and that you don't want to lose her as a best friend and that you would like to move on because you miss her. She may be feeling scared or panicked dealing with feelings and emotions that are overwhelming her. As is often the case, people tend to push away the people closest to them in moments of fear and anxiety because deep down, they know that they can repair that relationship.
By the way, historical studies suggest that it is human nature to be bisexual. In humans the need for physical contact with other humans is a necessity. There are many cases throughout history where men and women 'went both ways.' Just be safe and it will all work out. Good Luck!
2006-06-06 15:25:55 · answer #2 · answered by nuschka16 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, something like that happened to me. I slept with my best friend. We were friends before I came out, and when I did she was ok with it. Then a few months later we slept together. At first it was really weird for both of us. I was all quiet, and she was like if nothing happened. Then we did it again. After a few times, we realised we really liked each other in that way, so we decided to be in an exclusive relationship that lasted almost 2 yrs. We broke up because she moved to another city.
My point is, that if you want to, it could work out. Since you're already best friends, you know each other really well, and that's a plus. Talk to her, ask her what she wants out of you. She's probably really scared with mixed up feelings.
I hope everything works out....just talk to her, communicate.
2006-06-06 16:55:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Intimacy before understanding can present situations like this and, based on the information presented in your question, you both may not fully understand your sexuality now or at the time of your sexual encounter.
My advice to you would be to know yourself. Once you know yourself, you can do anything. That said, the best way to understand someone is to talk/interact with them directly so once you know who you are in this predicament you can approach her and try to resolve the tension. A resolution could be you two coming back together and coming out or maybe just you coming out or maybe even her refuting you as a partner, but at least you will have arrived at a resolution.
2006-06-14 11:56:31 · answer #4 · answered by Stan Getz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sleeping with a friend is always a gamble , and can sometimes lead to a end to the friendship . I would give her a call and ask her to meet me for lunch , coffee , or whatever is comfortable for you both . Then explain what you need her to know . She is most likely embarrassed and has a hard time dealing with the feelings she is having . It may be a wise thing to let her know that you are willing to give her the space she needs and tell her you are still friends if she wants that .
2006-06-06 17:57:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truthfully, this is something you two should have talked about *before* you slept together. Sex with friends always carries the risk of harming the friendship. Your friend is probably uncertain about how she feels and may be a bit embarrassed. Going back to 'just friends' may not be an easy transition, but if you want to preserve anything with her, that may be necessary. Can you write a letter and *not* mention that you slept together, but *do* mention how much the friendship means to you?
2006-06-06 15:12:03 · answer #6 · answered by mathematician 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I have been through this before I slept with my best friend and she was too controlling in bed. So it was not a good time. And it ruined our friendship. I miss her but my wife is happy because she got me after I broke it off with my best friend.
2006-06-15 14:35:37 · answer #7 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what u r talking about... I have friends who had a thing form me and I just didnt wanna see them anymore , it's just feels so strange when ur g/f ask u to have sex with her just because we are both drunk and horny .. probably she gonna get over it soon ... u know what i do , i just send her an email and tell her what i want her to know ... this way she cant hang up on you or ignore you .. just email her ..makeing friends is not easy and you dont wanna lose the ones u already have ...
2006-06-13 04:21:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could be guilt. When you do something that other people say you shouldn't you might get a guilt complex afterwards. Happened to me, but after being more comfortable and proud of being queer I no longer cared what other felt. Give her time.
2006-06-13 17:47:59 · answer #9 · answered by phxguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is embarrassed or maybe she wanted to just have casual sex with you and is trying to avoid leading you on. Has she always been a good friend in the past or is it possible that she was using you?
2006-06-15 22:43:37 · answer #10 · answered by Maggie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋