We've been dating for a year now, and he claimed already when we met that he was getting out of his marriage - with not much progress to this date. He says he wants to do it his way, without hurting the wife, and giving her time to get used to the idea of breaking up. How much time should I give him (more) - when is it time to see the reality and let him go?
2006-06-06 07:56:57 · 42 answers · asked by Ope 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think there is necessarily a "time limit" or certainly any hard and fast rules about "how long"
Sometimes divorces can take a long time to sort out.
If I were in your position, I'd want to be seeing some progress, or at least some effort by him to make progress with his divorce. Even if the two of you have no plans or thoughts to get married yourselves, divorce is a definite sign that he's stepped away from his wife, and (although I'm not a relatiship expert by any means).
Have you talked to him about your concerns?
It sounds like you've been very patient and understanding with him... and it seems like you need a little bit of understanding and commitment from him if this is going to work out.
Good luck!
2006-06-06 20:41:05 · answer #1 · answered by James 2 · 5⤊ 3⤋
I dated a guy who after six months finally fessed up that he was still legally married. They don't live together, but then neither have them have even so much as filed for a legal separation. And these two have been living apart like this for almost three years. Neither one sees any reason to make a move at ending their marriage legally.
Long story short, I ran and didn't look back. He tried to lay a guilt trip on me about being shallow and all that. I didn't listen. Actions speak louder than words.
2006-06-06 08:01:40 · answer #2 · answered by curious 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's putting you off. Perhaps he's just using you for his pleasure. If he really loved you, he wouldn't worry about hurting the x's feelings. After all they are supposed to be finished. In most states a divorce will become final 90 days after filed. I would give him a choice, and if he don't want to comply, then I suggest you move on and find you someone who will treat you as a special person. GOOD LUCK!!
2006-06-06 08:05:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that he should be out of his marriage by now. It looks to me like he is stringing you along because he wants it both ways, a wife and a girlfriend. That is not fair to you. If I were you, I would admit to myself that he is never going to get divorced, take a deep breath, move on and never look back. You are wasting your time on a hopeless man, when there are plenty of men out there you can treat you the way you should be treated.
2006-06-06 08:03:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have seen the reality that he does not want to divorce his wife. A year is more than enough time to make genuine progress towards the divorce.
2006-06-06 08:02:20 · answer #5 · answered by southern_border_texan_70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, dont' waste your life waiting on a married man. A co-worker of mine is dating a married man and he keeps telling her the SAME EXACT THING that your man is telling you. My co-worker is so madly in love with her boyfriend, yet, she's not realizing that she's wasting time... and also could hurt him in the divorce proceedings by having the "adultery" slogan pinned against him.
Move on and see if within a certain amount of time, he'll hurry up and actually go through with it. If he doesn't, then I hate to say it, but he probably didn't want to leave anyways.
2006-06-06 08:01:40 · answer #6 · answered by Rock Goddess 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are allowing yourself to be used! NEVER date a man who is in the "process"... it's a no win, painful situation. Let him GO! If he really wants you he will take care of his mess and contact you when the dust clears!! Until then why allow yourself to play second fiddle to the wife? Hello?! He's sacrificing YOUR feelings b/c he doesn't want to hurt the wife (your words) because YOU don't really matter to HIM!
Get out while you can!
2006-06-06 08:04:48 · answer #7 · answered by Janeen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the hurting of the wife was done a long time ago, sounds like he's avoiding filing for divorce and i wouldn't wait around any longer than you already have. why is he not filing for divorce unless he still wants to be married to her and if he does you are wasting your time anyway. let him know how you feel about it and that you expect him to at least file for divorce VERY soon or he loses you.
2006-06-06 08:10:10 · answer #8 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're secure about the relationship then give him time. If he was married for a long time then he needs to take it slow for the wife, especially if children are involved. if he hasn't done it after 2-3 years then be concerned.
2006-06-06 08:21:43 · answer #9 · answered by Gorgeous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So I take it he hasn't even filed yet? If he hasn't, I would back off until he does!!! There are people out there that will say these things to you to make you believe that they are unhappy in their marriage and on their way out of it. Be very careful what you are getting yourself into. Most married men won't leave their wives for you. Most of them will say these things to keep you around because in some silly way you are filling a void in their lives that they should be filling with their spouse. Good luck!
2006-06-06 08:02:19 · answer #10 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋