I am too soft. How can I get and look stronger?

Question

I have been acused of being too soft and easy going. Lost a job because of that and I am close to lose my boyfriend. I really need to change.

Answer 1

Well, it is never easy to change! Just try to be more tough, to make people respect you and do not let anyone to use you, because of that you are too good! It is not fair.....

Answer 2

I couldn't quite tell if you meant physically, mentally, or both -- calling yourself "soft."

If you meant physically, eating right and working out will be a big, positive change.

If you meant mentally, there are some suggestions for you. You shouldn't let people push you around -- sometimes people make the mistake of thinking that others will like you more if you give them consent constantly, but that isn't an appropriate way of thinking. People who are high in value are those who care about themselves and others. Not just others, or just themselves.

You need to realize what traits make you valuable and work on them, play the cards your dealt the best you can... and you don't like them -- we have minds that can change, learn, and adapt. I suggest writing down five or ten of your top flaws and then attacking them aggressively. When you're done with the list, or have done everything possible, forget about what flaw you have left and move on with passion and enthusiasm in your life. People generally chase after those who are moving... and take advantage of those who are not. Try to be with people who make you feel great and treat you well... people who are moderate. Try to avoid people who would belittle you, or hang up on you and not call you back. Realize what friends you truly have and try to surround yourself with those people.

Answer 3

Don't change for him, that doesn't work. If you think you are too soft and easy going then look into an assertiveness training course. I'm sure you could find something online. But never change for a man (unless you are on drugs or something like that).

Answer 4

You don't need to change your soft and easy going ways only maybe just be a little more assertive. Maybe you could do better in another job where you would be appreciated for being so nice. If you lose this boyfriend -look for one who would appreciate you more. Exercise is good for your body mind and spirit.

Answer 5

Don't change. Soft and easy going people are needed to balance all the hard asses in this world.

Find a place to work and a boyfriend that love you the way you are.

Answer 6

Maybe being easy going is not such a bad thing. It means that you don't get as stressed as a lot of other people. As long as you still care about others then I would say it is a good thing. I can tell that you still care or otherwise you wouldn't ask such a question. And why should you change for your boyfriend!

Answer 7

I'm like that too; don't worry it pays off in the long run. Exercise- it toughens the body and mind [Socrates]. Get books on interpersonal skills, conflict resolution etc. Go to College and University, get a good job, get money, and the world will fall at your feet.

Email me if you've done that cos you'll be very successful.

Answer 8

Changing isnt something you should just do, it should be for a reason. You should ask yourself "What kind of person am I" and "What kind of person do I want to be?". Might sound silly but if you ask yourself those questions it will become more clear why you need to toughen up with certain people. People only act different because each one of us has a set of principles, what are yours? What is important to you? I think if you clearly define the kind of person you want to be, you will have no problem toughening up. Lets face it, none of us should be doormats for other people, the only problem is for some of us (myself included) it takes a seriously hard situation to make us change who we are.


All the best

Gavin

Answer 9

Hey, there is no need to change how you are to make others like you better. If they don't like you for being easy going, oh well. As long as you are happy, you are good to go. And you will find a job where you will be appreciated. Also, it is a good thing you are close with your boyfriend.

Answer 10

Try to place your happiness and goals always at the forefront of how you live your life. Defend your goals, don't let people sway your commitment, always look at the big picture when you do things...how will it affect your progress towards success? I'm 46 and wish I'd lived my youth a little differently...I'm sure that things would have turned out differently if I had thought of myself and my future first, then others next. Selfish notion, yes...but you need to look out for number one, that's all we really ever have - our selves.