What should I do about my controlling boyfriend?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost four months now. For some odd reason, he thinks that he needs to keep a constant tab on me, and that is starting to piss me off. He always wants to know where I've been, where I am, where I'm going next, who I'm with, and who is calling me on my phone. He did it the other day, and instead of me usually answering him, I asked why, and he got mad and hung up. He called me today, and was basically trying to send me on a guilt trip. This isn't the first time he has tried to send me on guilt trip for his misconduct, and I was wondering what should I do, because I just about had it with his controlling behavior and although I love him with all my heart, I don't know how much more of this I can take. Please help me.

Answer 1

He is not going to ever change. If you can't handle it, drop him. Sorry.

Answer 2

has he had relationship issues in the past? Maybe this is the reason for his controlling ways... sometimes if you have a bad relationship in the past your afraid of it replaying itself and actually getting hurt again... theres also the issue of what is his family like did his father act that way towards his mother... before deciding on what to do about it you should take these questions into consideration... my advice is that if his family is like this then you need to break it off only because what you live through as a child shapes what type of person you become as an adult... thats why people who come from abusive homes often are abusive to their children in adult lives, the same goes for other areas in your life... you shape your views mostly on the environment that you grew up in... although some people completely go against and rebel against the environment they are raised in some people often pick up the same behaviors, its not something they can help...
If you prefer not to dump him then theres always talking it over with him letting him know how you feel and to see if hes willing to go to counseling with you. this could also apply if he has had bad relationships in the past, chances are if he loves you and wants to make things work then he will give counseling a go... but if you continue to do nothing then the behavior will continue with a possibility of growing worse in the future... also keep in mind can you deal with this if you take your relationship to the next step and decide to get married... Do you think you can handle this in the future if you want a future together...
I certainly hope that you both can talk things out and that counseling wont be needed, and as far as breaking it off I think your man deserves a chance because their may be factors playing in his behavior that he cant control... also a lot of times people dont actually know that they are controlling... the best thing to do is talk it over with him and to tell him that his behavior is bothering you but be nice be sensible and listen to his side of the story, and chances are he will be more willing to listen to you and consider your point of view :)
goodluck!

Answer 3

Speaking from personal experience, no matter how much you love him it's time to move on. I would love to be able to tell you to talk to him and make him aware of what he's doing and allow him to the opportunity to change/get better and to actually trust you, but it's not going to work.

If he's already doing that and you guys have only been together for a few months, it's only going to get worse the longer y'all are together and that's when it can potentially get dangerous. Controlling people tend to try to keep controlling you no matter what the cost is.

If you do decided to end it, make sure there are others close by. I'm not try to scare you, I'm just saying that you should always keep your guard up.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't mean to be too bold, but LEAVE HIM NOW! Especially if you live with him, and lot of boyfriends who are controlling will try [too] soon to get you to move in, many don't want you to be involved too much with your family, friends, etc.

ALSO, most times, if someone suddely starts acting this way (and it seems like an indirect accusation. It's as if he's saying "I can't trust you.") If you haven't given him any reason to act this way (i.e., he knows that you cheated on him, or you are cheating on him) ...If you have not done anything wrong, and he is acting this way, then it is VERY likely that HE is doing something wrong. In SO many cases, men who are cheating on their significant other start to accuse her of cheating, because his own deeds are all he can think about. He realizes that it's easy for him to get away with, and he starts to think that maybe you could easily get away with the same thing.

You can still love someone and not be with him.

If he tries to blame you for any of his own behavior (getting mad, hanging up, etc.), drop him like a brick, seriously. YOU are not responsible for his behavior. Even if you said anything that pissed him off, it's not YOU who MADE him mad - it's his responsibility to choose whether or not he will BE mad. It's not your problem.

I don't know you, but please see this behaviour as a red flag and leave him before you're taken away from everything you know (can you tell it's happened to me?).

Answer 5

WOW..only four months...Im telling you my man used to be like that...I had to almost break up with him for him to get the picture...you gotta sit down and let him know thats not how it works...he aint your daddy...yeah you can let him know how was your day and what you did but not like he gonna be demanding it...i know how it feels...you get so fustrated you wanna break the phone...but either have a VERY GOOD talk with him or let him go...the last thing you want is that he becomes those abusive boyfriends who wont even let you see your friends or family... either you put some boundaries or you say BYE BYE we done!

Answer 6

Leave him now. You have only been together for 4 months. There is no reason why a person should be like that. Im sure you will find someone new and they will treat you a lot better. Move on..

Answer 7

Talk to him about it. Tell me him how you feel and that he has no reason not to trust you and that this type of behavior is not endearing him to your heart and in fact just the opposite. If it continues leave cause it will only get worse.

Answer 8

Talk to him. Ask him WHY he is so insecure. You are his girlfriend, not a piece of property or a dog that he owns. If he isn't willing to stop acting like this, you should dump him because it will only get worse.

Answer 9

This treatment is a precursor to more abusive behavior !
End this relationship now.......before he graduates to the next level !

Answer 10

Its his insecurity and he is projecting on to you.Get away from ths guy, it will only get worse. How can you love a guy who treats you like this? Tell him you don't want to see him anymore. It will only get worse, YOu must love yourself more.

Answer 11

tell him about it. if he doesn't change, act in ur best interest. if u really can't be with a person like that, u shouldn't suffer and u should just let him go.