Son is 18 today...?

Question

He just announced that he can now legally purchase tobacco products and porn. Oh, and vote.
He then said, 'Don't give me crap mum, I'm going to the tobacco store with ______ and buying a pipe and some sweet terbacky, so don't freak out when you see me with it'.
How should a parent react to this! He KNOWS how much I hate smoking! Plus, he has asthma!

He already knows he won't do it in my house. He will do it driving around, with friends, at his place of employment, etc. He also is acutely aware of the dangers (seeing family members who have C.O.P.D. ) I also have asthma and will not allow anyone to smoke in my presence, so that is not my concern. Can I just hit him with something and knock sense into him?

Answer 1

He is 18 so he is exercising his right to make decisions. My son has asthma and cigarette smoke is his only trigger. Even on someones clothes can get him. You may not be able to stop the smoking but if he is living at home you can put the squeeze on other things that are important to him. Help him see what his priorities are. I am scared for my kids to be 18

Answer 2

I tend to think he's doing this partly as rebellion.

You say he knows how much you hate smoking? Bingo!

I think the best thing to say to him is something along the lines of "ah, well, you're 18 now...so I guess you're old enough to know what you think is best for you!" - pass the responsibility onto him. He'll realise you really aren't shocked and suddenly, I'd say theres a fair chance he'll stop it!

Or...if he gives it a go, the freedoms of being 18 will suddenly lose appeal. It happened to me and my mates - in Australia we can also buy alcohol and drive solo at 18 and so that was the big appeal (for me it was the driving more than anything!) but after a while, all the freedoms you gain with the age...just become normal.

I went to the pub just for the sake of being able to buy a beer legally that day! Now it's just nothing special - just normal. He'll find the same - that strange appeal in doing things he couldn't - but he'll lose interest, fast.

Good luck! :-)

Answer 3

Tell him that he can't have the products in your house. No smoking on your property, which would include his vehicle as I'm sure if he still lives with you that would mean he parks on your property. If he don't like it, and gets pissed off just tell him that is how it is going to be untill he moves out. Either he will leave, or he will listen to you. If you do find it in the house you could scare him a little bit and pack his stuff and put it out on your lawn for when he gets home, if he don't have anywhere else to go, then he will have learned that you mean what you say.

Answer 4

You are better off having him smoke a pipe instead of cigarettes. Pipe smoking can be a great and relaxing hobby if done in moderation. I suggest checking out www.pipes.org to do a little research on the hobby.

Answer 5

Well, as parents we try our best to let our children know about all the bad stuff out there, but they may stray. Hopefully they will come back and have a learning experience.
Here's what you do. First, act like it don't bother you. Maybe he's just trying to get a reaction out of you. Don't freak out when or if he smokes, but do put down some rules like no smoking in the house car and he washes his own clothes 'cause you don't want the smell of smoke on your clothes. If he can afford to buy smokes then he can afford to do his own laundry outside at a laundrymat not at home. If he's a man now and wants to smoke then he can get a job and move out! Do tell him that when he quits smoking he is more than welcome to come back home. Your house, your rules.
When he first starts to smoke in front of you encourage him to keep smoking it's good for his asthma. After he puts one out tell him to lite up another. Hide his enhaler! Take him to a place where they might have people w/ holes in their throat and cancer to discourage him not to smoke. If he starts smoking in your sight or smells of smoke and won't stop.Then you stop...stop making breakfast, and dinner. stop cleaning house. stop giving him money. stop taking him places that he wants to go. stop letting him borrow the car. stop taking messages for him. start watching more tv. ignore him as he is ignoring you (your request to stop/never start smoking) Tell him that no girl in her right mind is going to want to be w/ a smoker. Good luck.

Answer 6

Here is a thought, embrace it and start up with him. Sit with him and let him see how foolish you look with a pipe hanging out of your mouth. Make it a funny ha ha thing. ?????? Tough call tho, you can show them the road and hope they stay on it but you can't fence in that road way or remove the obstacles for them. It is their journey to make. As hard as it is to sit on your hands, sometimes all you can do is pray and continue to be there for them when they slip off the road and need a tow-truck every now and then. *hugs*

Answer 7

Honey, face it he is 18. You can't stop him from purchasing these things. The law dictates that today and from here on out he has that right. But what YOU CAN do is explain that just because he can BUY it. Does not me he can use it in your household. If he is under your roof it's your rules. Don't try to place rules on things you have NO control over (the right to purchase) but place rules on things you do (the right/act to/of use) Hope this helps. GL

Answer 8

make up a list and price for all of them..then charge him for all stuff he gets from you and living at your house...
no it does not fix the problem..but it will make him more responsible...
and tell him you will not allow his smoke filled clothes in your washer and dryer..so he HAS to take all his bedding and clothes to the laundromat from now on..
and have literature sent to him showing dead lungs all black and all from smoking..
if that does not work or appeal to you..
when he comes home smelling of smoke ..have a fake asthma attach and fall down and breath real hard and cry..and make him see what it does to you
good luck
and
God Bless

Answer 9

Don't let him, if you /really/ don't want him to. I'm 18 and smoke a pipe as well, but my parents don't really mind. Of course they've tried to discourage me, but they gave up (also because they felt like hypocrits, being occasional smokers themselves). If they had persevered, I would certainly have quit - at least in their presence.

Answer 10

Put the responsibility back on him. Remind him you have taught him right and wrong, now it is his decision. Let him decide and live with the consequences.

He is obviously feeling rebellious right now. If you nag him, it will drive him to rebel all the more. Just grit your teeth and hang on; if you don't respond to his acting-out it won't be as much fun. He will remember what you have taught him and eventually will behave more responsibly.