My friend has been with her husband since high school. He's the only person she's ever been with and they have 4 kids together and he's a real good father and he does all the house work and pays all the bills. But, she's says that she's not happy and wants to try something different,because her husband won't give her any oral pleasure. I told her that she should be happy because she ahs someone that loves her, takes care of her, and their kids. So, she just told me that she cheated on him and he found out because he heard her on the phone with me and now he doesn't want a divorce because he loves his kids and he growup without his father and doesn't want his kids to go through the same thing. Now he doesn't trust her, they don't talk, and they don't sleep together now. Should he forgive her and give her another chance and trust her again? What do you think?
2006-06-06 06:34:52 · 26 answers · asked by BrownSuga26 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She was seeing a psychatrist before and after she cheated. He husband just doesn't believe in that and that's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, I told her she needs more help.
Thanks everyone, I've told her everything that you've said and more. If she's bringing it to me then what I'm I supposed to do tell her to shut up.
2006-06-06 08:28:05 · update #1
I think that IF they are going to stay together, there MUST be some serious changes in BOTH of them. He has to get over the deal and move on. He cannot punish her for the rest of their married life, so it is either NOW or divorce...she will not tolerate his freeze out for long, regardless of who did what. SHE needs to be satisfied with what goes on in the marriage...nothing is perfect in life, she is sorry or not, only she knows. IF she is not sorry, she needs to move on, period. They both need serious counseling from what you have written. There is NO reason this marriage cannot survive, but both must be willing to go the distance and be a family again. The kids will suffer greatly in the present situation. Been there and done that. Good luck
2006-06-06 06:49:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she's the one who did wrong, it's up to her to make it up to him. It's good that he wants to stay with her for the kids, because as someone said on here somewhere, there are no good divorces with kids, just sucky and less sucky. That doesn't mean that living with parents that don't trust each other is a whole lot better... just less sucky.
If your friend is serious about fixing the marriage, she needs to take what she has done seriously. It sounds like she just wanted to have fun for a short time. Well, she did, and it cost her. She wanted something that her husband wouldn't do. I guess she got that, and lost her husband in a very real way. She could try doing something for her husband she wouldn't before, but she will have to rebuild the trust. She will have to make herself above suspicion.
2006-06-06 08:00:11 · answer #2 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
glad to see that this time it is the woman that cheated. If it was the other way around all the women would be saying leave his sorry *** and take all his money. Women cheat too! If I ever found out my wife cheated on me I really don't know what I would do. She would certainly not leave me because I don't give her "oral pleasure" though.
I would confront the biatch and say "I know you cheated and how would you feel if I did that to you?"
Cheating is unforgivable. No way he can trust her. Cheating is never a one time thing. Now she will always be looking for someone else to go down on her.
He's a good man to want to raise his kids right.
2006-06-06 06:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by chefbrian67 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To forgive her would take a long time. I can't believe some women when they have it all they can just throw it away. I hope you friends oral pleasure was worth what she might loose. That being said, I think they should try counsling together and seprately. He has to learn how to deal with this. It hurts a man's ego when some thing like this happends and that's the worst hurt for a man. Trust is another thing that's hard to get back once it's been ruined. How would your friend feel if he did this to her?!
2006-06-06 06:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by sexzbich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that's a pretty bad reason to cheat on a husband , if he was not willing to give her oral pleasure they should have seek some counseling for that. If I were I would leave her , kids is never a good reason to stay you can love and support your kids without being with the other half sometimes it works out better for that way.
2006-06-06 06:42:15 · answer #5 · answered by chemicalbrothers13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, she wanted her husband to know or she would not have talked where he could hear. Of course she's not happy. She's a liar and a cheat who went out of her way to inflict pain on a husband who admittedly took care of the family. She must be unhappy from guilt. And this is because he does not do oral?
Does she? Did she offer to trade oral for oral? The question is not should he forgive her. The question is , is she worthy of forgiveness and willing to ask for it? It will be a long time before he gets over it. She needs to beg his forgiveness if she wants to stay married.
2006-06-06 07:18:36 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. Honestly its up to both parties. They both need to see a marriage counselor asap. They both have to work very hard to make this work. My concern is how much does the kids know about the mother's infidelity??? If that's the case they might need counseling as well or risk further fraction in the family. If the wife strays after all this, then divorce her ***!!! Ask her was the oral sex she craved worth the destruction of her family.
2006-06-06 07:09:06 · answer #7 · answered by firestriker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not return to him. this occurred to me, two years in the past and I am nonetheless suffering from the problem. I took him again considering i might forgive and put out of your mind. Believe me, it isn't an convenient factor to do. I have three young children which have been on my brain because the day I discovered approximately his affair and that's the intent I stayed.. Now, I want I could have left the day I discovered. I could be such a lot happier now. the children will harm it doesn't matter what you make a decision, however in the end they at the side of you're going to be exceptional and comfortable. Put him and this at the back of you... it isn't valued at the anguish for years yet to come.
2016-09-08 21:27:26 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to him, she cheated, she didn't plan on telling him. Good for him for finding the truth. However he chose to stay with her so he has already forgiven her. but he doesn't have to sleep in the same bed with her anymore, she has violated a sacred trust of marriage and if she feels overwhelmonly guilty it's her fault for cheating. CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!!
Trust must be earned and when that trust is broken it's even harder to earn. If you don't want someone to find out your things then don't do it. If you are ashamed of others knowing then you shouldn't do it.
2006-06-06 07:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by cisco_cantu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will have to forgive her, though it will be very hard on him, and she will have to be sorry. They will need counseling. It takes about 2 years for a marriage to recover from that sort of thing. They need to stay together because they had a good relationship. I hope you will encourage them to check out America's Family Coaches. They are wonderful!
2006-06-06 06:40:36 · answer #10 · answered by cucumberlarry1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋