How do you motivate someone to go back to work after being laid off?

Question

We moved down here with jobs lined up at an ISP. After 8 months, he had an ethical dispute with management and left. It took him 11 months to find another IT job, during which time he spent most of it playing an online game, surfing job posting sites, etc.

We had to use up our credit card limits again because of surviving on my income alone for almost a year. He managed to get hired again, and the 3 months he worked there I worked to get our debt down, and we got a little bit ahead. And then he got laid off. And it's been 3 months again and now we're slipping behind.

I'm not asking him to go out and find a huge paying job in a field he doesn't like. I'm just asking him to find part time or temporary employment to cover about 200-400 A MONTH that we're always behind. I don't think that's asking too much. Don't care how. He refuses to "work at a gas station" or grocery store, etc. Pride?

How can I motivate him without nagging to find some income, while he looks for a new job?

He blames the situation on me because I was the one that wanted to move, which meant him leaving a decent job. I believe I have been supportive/encouraging, but I think he has somewhat abused my patience and sympathy. He says that he spent all day on the laundry, or mowing the lawn, to where he didn't have much time to job search. Or for days/weeks, he'll get colds/headaches, not be able to much. How can you be mad at someone who says they're sick?

I'm wondering if I should give him a matter of weeks to move on to something, before I have to do something drastic. Like pull his online gaming subscription. If I did, I know he'd be incredibly angry at me, but it also isn't like we have money everywhere. Just this morning, the online subscription popped, and made our account overdrawn. On the other hand, it's only $15 a month (which is cheaper than most movie dates), and is the 1 thing we do together.

I do not want to mean, or act like his mom, or 'give him ultimatums' as he says!

Answer 1

Ok first. just encourage him... say to him.. you stand beside him regardless. But we have to make ends meet. and you need his help... so he need to get going on it..

He may use the excuse I can't find one.. when he really isn't looking...

But understand this.. Men do get depressed when they are out of work.. because that is insulting their manhood.. they feel they can't take care of their family.. They feel as though they failed some way.. When we know it is just life, and thats what happens.

So just stay by his side and keep telling him, its not his fault that he got layed off. things happen.. but insure him, he can find another job. with his expeirance. if you have too. if you have time that is... go with him... so that he can see the support... but tell him... he can't just set on the couch. and wish he had a job. he has to go get it. because the longer he puts it off. the harder its going to get. don't let him sit there anymore girl...

Get him back on his game.. good luck and take care.

Answer 2

If a man doesn't work, he doesn't eat. If he doesn't take care of his family, he is worse than an infidel. He needs counseling. Until then, since you are making all of the money, drastically reduce your lifestyle. Get down to rice and peas every day. Tell him that is all we can afford. Go to www.daveramsey.com

Answer 3

The thing is that he has to have pride and want to really be a MAN about his business. A MAN takes care of his family and does WHATEVER it takes to make sure that things are taken care of. Things happen and layoffs happen but he shouldnt be comfortable with himself enough to lay around and play online games....also he has to learn to suck it up with these companies like the rest of us do so that we can take care of our priorities. Finally, blaming you is like making excuses, you cant do it, and it gets away from the point of TAKING CARE OF YOUR FAMILY....

Answer 4

He has had enough time. tell him to get a job or just kick him to the curb.