Should i get married?

Question

My man and i have been together for 7 months and he says he loves me, and i think i love him. He is really trying to get out of his mama's house. So i told him to move in with me at my parents house, but the only way that is possible is if we get married. I was all for it and i was pressuring him last night to do it. And he said ok this friday, but now i am having second thoughts. I am scarred. this means i can't go out and have fun, have little flings, or talk to other guys. Cuz marriage to me is very serious, thats the end of single life. There is no such word as divorce. What should i do? I could see myself with him forever growing old with each other, but i am scarred of leaving my single life.......my freedom. Please help.

Answer 1

Serious question here, and lots of things to consider. Let's see if we can sort through all this.

First of all, you say you've been together for seven months. I wonder how old you and he are. The red flag that jumped out at me is that you are both still living at home. These days, I know that can mean anything from 19-29. But if you don't have a steady job (preferably a career and a vocation), if you don't have your own transportation, and if you don't have financial independence, marrying is not a good idea. He also needs to have a steady job, a vehicle and financial independence.

That you are having second thoughts is a good thing. He sounds like he still has a ways to grow up if he's still trying to leave home. You sound like you have a way to go yet toward financial independence if you are living at home too. When you say that you want to have little flings and talk to other guys, though, this tells me you are not ready for marriage because your heart is not truly in it. You need to keep dating and work on your education, your job skills and your life management skills. All these things are coming along, but don't sound quite developed enough yet.

Also, you should never have to pressure someone to marry. A marriage proposal should come out of the blue with no pressure at all. That someone feels the need to pressure someone else says that there is a power struggle going on, and that's a very unhealthy way to start married life.

There is such a word as divorce, because there are many, many "starter marriages". No matter your religion or personal beliefs, 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. And divorce is a hard but positive thing ultimately, because there is no point living miserably. Divorce is hard to go through, but people survive it, and go on to thrive afterward. Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, things just don't work out like we plan. People grow apart, want different things, change and life throws us curveballs to boot.

Enjoy your single life for a while longer yet. You may want to keep seeing your boyfriend, or you may want to re-evaluate the relationship and see if you want to stay with him or move on. Don't be afraid to move on. Be more afraid of getting into a rut or becoming too fearful that you'll never find someone else. Nonsense! With six BILLION people in the world, no worries about finding someone to date and/or marry ultimately.

Good luck with this. Cheers, K

Answer 2

Being in serious in a relationship, you should already look at yourself as taken, not single. I look at dating/courting as practice for marriage. Its the trial time, if you will. In that time you ought to act as if the two of you are exclusive anyway. You shouldn't want to flirt and have flings with anyone else. The purpose of dating someone is to build a relational foundation for marriage.

In this particular situation it seems as though he just wants to get away from his parents, and you're the easiest outlet. He may really love you, but 7 months isn't very long to make a decision to devote the rest of your life to someone.

I belive in traditionalism. This means I think the man ought to always be the one to ask for a hand in marriage. This process also involves the permission of the young lady's parents before asking her. I know this seems old fashioned, but it shows chivalry on the guy's part, and it makes the female know that a good honest man has chosen her. You saying that you were pressuring him, it makes it sound like you were asking him. Now considering that he's the one that wants out, it sounds like there is some manipulation on his part to you. If that be the case, manipulation is a sign of distrust. How can you marry someone you don't trust.

If you are still very young, which that's how it seems, you need to really consider what you're getting into. If he's so anxious to get away from his parents its probably because he feels smothered by them. Chances are he'll eventually feel smothered by you. He needs more maturity in that area. Explain this to him. Tell him if he can endure it with his parents for a few more months, it'll prove that he'll endure with you. This will also allow more time for you two to feel more comfortable about marriage.

You may know or feel that he's "the one" but that doesn't mean to go off and get married now. I know that the guy I'm with right now is the one for me. We've been together for 8 months, but while we both know we'll be together in the end, we aren't getting married yet. Timing is everything. Jumping into marriage prematurely is just like marrying the wrong person. You aren't the person you need to be when you get married. Give it time to be the right time.

Above all follow your heart. But always let your reason guide that heart. Stay strong.

Answer 3

its not the end of fun, yeah it should be the end of flings anf heavy flirting but u can still have fun u make it seem like ur going to jail...u have to grow up and make sacrifices for a marriage it seems to me like u wanna be single and keep ur freedom or wud u rather look back on ur life in the future and think hey i made the right choice instead of going out, screwing random guys, etc I made a good life. Many people today become so selfish with their freedom...back in the day ppl got married young and now those are the people who have been married 50 yrs, 30 yrs , whatever. If u can see yourself with him and he's a good guy then wake up! your lucky there is a guy like that in the world for u..just remember if u give him up u may never get another like him.

Answer 4

If you are not fully committed, then the answer is still no.
By the way, marriage is not so he can move into the house with mom and dad. He should be out of his house, living in his own place with his own money and job. Then some of the prerequisites have been met that indicate that he is adult enough to be married. Without that you cannot be sure the marriage is for you and not just a room. Marriage is tough enough without living with the 'rents.

Answer 5

If you are still living at home, you are NOT ready for marriage, or even cohabitation. You need to grow up, learn to support yourself living on your own, and see that what you are doing is stupid. After all, you made the statement that "I can't go out and have fun, have little flings, or talk to other guys." Is this the kind of way you act when you are actually in love and planning on marriage? Absolutely not.

Answer 6

No, you haven't provided a good reason why your marriage would succeed. You said he wants to get out of his house-not good enough. Why in the world did you pressure him? Definitely let him move out on his own as long as he can has a job, pay the rent and support himself he should be ok. No need to rush into marriage you can still date him and see if your relationship progresses from there.

Answer 7

Let me tell you this.. it's Marriage girl.. wanna hear it once again.. Marriage!!.. stare well in its letters.. if you were ready for that huge life transition, you wouldn't ask.. there are many good things in life you may miss by taking that step.. take it easy.. think well.. there is no reason why you should hurry.. again it's MARRIAGE!! please don't do smth that you will regret later! at the same time don't put any kind of pressure on your self while thinking about what to do..
Forget about your heart, and listen to your mind.. the answer is there..
Good Luck!

Answer 8

NOOOOOOOOOOO you should not get married first of all you guys are still living with your parents big red flag second of all you haven't invest enough time in the relationship marriage is not something to just jump into because it is conveyance and if you are not ready to be one on one then get the thought out of your head if he really want to get out of his moms house then let him get a job and get his own place learn responsibility because that's what marriage is a big responsibility not a game and your parent should not have to take on that responsibility

Answer 9

your way too young to get married. And u haven't known him long enough. Ur not ready to be married if u want freedom. I disagree w this, u have freedom when ur married. I would take marriage over single life any day. I don't party, and I would take love. But that's just me.

Answer 10

If both of you are still living at home, I really don't see either of you as ready for marriage. Give it some time - when you're both grown up enough to be out on your own, then you can talk about getting married - if you're still together, that is!