Im 21 married and have a kid however mom still is trying to control my life any ideas of how to deal with this

Question

I was in my 3d yr majoring in pre vet med when i had my daughter (shes 1)... my mom & dad were not pleased & now I want to change majors to RVT because vets dont get to do as much with animals as I want to----I've thought this for about 1.5 yrs now just never told my mom because she is very adament about things--like whats the point in going half way....I mentioned it yesterday & now shes not talking to me---I feel bad because for 2 yrs & one quarter she put me through school but its my life & I know I dont want to be a vet...the other thing is I am pregnant again- hubby & i were trying so this one is planned but once more mom didnt know & still doesnt---how should i break this to her without hurting her? i feel like even though i am 21 and married i am still answering to her & living my life to please her...anyone else have this problem? (shes been pushing me toward vet med since i had an interest in it when i was 5 & i just never had a chance to look around)

i have paid for my school for the last yr and half

ok some people have thought i still live at home I havent since oct of 04 husband works and I go to school, and take care of our apt and daughter... live a few hrs away from mom

Answer 1

tell her that you have your own life and you are gown up. if she dont listen, then you may have to cut ties with your mom.

Answer 2

It sounds like to me that your Mom is just trying to help. Be very careful how you approach this because it's not every parent that can and will pay for their childs education when they have children of their own. Carefully consider, whether or not it is the right time to decide that you want to change your major, you've already got a lot of time and money and apparently hard work invested in this. You can always come back later when you become a vet and go to school for something else.

Answer 3

You can not allow her to live her life through you. I am sure she has your best intrests at heart but it is your life and you will have to face the consequences of your decisions. Tell her you love her but some things you have to decide on your own. If she gets mad and won't speak to you then let it go. She'll get over it. People who are control freaks can't handle it when they don't have control. Watch out for other tactics like guilt trips and pity parties that she'll throw your way. They will also try to bribe you in some form or maybe use something else against you.

My father was a control freak. He paid my car insurance while I was in college and he would always use that against me. I eventually went out an bought a used car and had it in my name. The other car was in his name "so the insurance would be cheaper."

Also, how close do you live to them? I am a minister and many of the couples I see that have problems is because of in-laws trying to make decisions or just plain butting in. Around here far too many couples live right next door to one set of their parents.

Answer 4

If you are still living with your mom and she is paying for your schooling, and has your child part of the time, then GUESS WHAT? You ARE still a child!!!!!! Get out of her house, and take care of your own business! Where is your husband in all of this? Does he work? Does he put you through school? Does he keep the child while YOU are in school? I may be all wrong, but from what you have written, it seems to me that YOU are the one with the problem because YOU cannot stand on your own two feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

You need to sit your mum down and tell her you are a grown woman with a family of your own, and you need her to just be there for you as a mother and a friend, not a careers counselor. Tell her soon she will have another little person to spoil and love. If she persists with the career-advice, tell her once you will be changing majors to RVT, because that is what will make you happy. All good parents should want to see their child happy.

Answer 6

Yes i Too have the same problem but I am 32 years old and My mom is still tring to run my life when i had to stay there with them my parents I had to be in bed before 11 could not go out on weekends and if I did I had to be in by midnight I quite my job a few years back and i am still hearing about it to this Day she used to call every morning and yell cause I was still in bed at 10 i work 2nd shift she don't under stand you can't go stright to bed after work and i don't go to bed till around 3 she used to come down stairs and tell me it is bed time and if i don't go to bed my dad would come down and yell cause mom was bitching to him that i was still up

Answer 7

Just thank them for being so concerned and caring --- remember control is about being in power --- You make the decision on what profession you want to be in . ... and when. With parenting there are risks --- we all know that....
Just tell your parents your good news and about the decisions you and your hubby have made --- if the parents don't receive it well that is on them but you and your spouse have to show them you are happy and supportive of each other --- being adults you must be able to make decisions and standby them regardless of how your parents disapprove --- it is your lives and you two must be able to make choices as a couple --- and endure the consequences --- that's how it goes when you become adults. As a married couple you learn to function as a unit --- don't take all your problems to your parents .... it can cause them to think you two aren't capable or mature in your decision making.

Answer 8

Sweetie I know you love your mother and don't want to hurt her but you have to do what makes you happy mom can't live your life for you be honest with her let her know that you love her and are thankful for all that she has done but you are a grown woman and its time that you make your own decision be true to yourself you can't live for your mom you can please some of the people all the time but you can't please all of the people some of the time or something like that any way do whats right for you

Answer 9

You've allowed her to control your life, by taking all that she has to offer. Stand on your own 2 feet, and do whatever is necessary to do that. That is the only way you'll be able to make your own decisions. WHO financially supports you? Your husband or your mother? Your career may need to be put on hold. Family and career sometimes clash, when one must depend on others to carry the financial support.

Answer 10

well she should be proud that u have goals in ur life about school...most women who get pregnant accidentally and then get married esp young do not have any dreams to go to school...she should be proud that you still care about your education even if u are still gonna chage your major........you need to tell her ur pregnant and that it was planned and u and urs husband are happy and prepared....im 21 and married too ( no kids yet) but my mom is the same way we pretty much just stopped talking cuz its pretty scary when we do talk. Watch Dr, Phil seriously.....there was a story just like urs...he told the mother now she is out of ur house and left ur family to make her own, obviously you have the support and hopefully a great and loving husband! maybe its cuz ur younger and shes sad u left the nest but tell her "mom im with (husbands name) now...u are my mother and i love you and value your advice and opinion but i need to live my life with him and our kids and be happy, please respect all my decisions and know that they are made as an adult"....good luck!

Answer 11

just explain to her what you feel of not pursuing vet. our parents just wants the best for us and that's normal for her to behave that way because it is what she thinks is right for you. you just need to communicate more with her for her to understand you more. she's still adjusting because before you are her baby but now, you're the one who's having a baby and it needs time for her to accept that. better for you to listen to her and explain things that not match to her decisions. good communication is always the best.