what should i do about my boyfriends daughter?

Question

his daughter is 11 and she has no respect for others and she purposely tries to make me mad. she rips up any pictures of mine including my baby pics along with touching my breast. last time she was here she was hitting me talking back to me and calling me a B****! i have done nothing but try to get along with her. he tries to tell her to stop and disipline her but nothing works. we recently had to move to a 1 bedroom and she's going to stay with us. i will have no privacy and i can only imagine what she's going to do. i feel bad because he wants to see her and i just can't handle this. it makes me want to run and hide.he says it will be different but deep down inside i feel differently. please help!!!

unfortunately her mother is the reason she's like this. i can't break up with him. we have been together for 3 years or more and we have a jewelry business together. i decided to take the matter into my own hands when she laid her hands on me (hitting). he got upset at me and told me i was lucky it was me. if it were anyone else he would kill them. was i wrong for doing that? iwas brought up not to put my hands on anyone and if i did i should expect it to come right back. i know she has alot of anger problems and hurt through her parents divorce and her being taken away from her dad by the mom out of spite but i'm not trying to take her daddy from her or trying to replace her mom which i explained to her numerous times HELP!!!

Answer 1

SHE NEEDS DISIPLINE AND IF HE CANNOT DO IT I WOULD

Answer 2

for one how long has u been with this man?
For 2 do u love him enough to say that its a battle and am i truly going 2 be down for it.
be sure of those 2 thing first and then here is what u do
put yourself in the mind frame of a 11 year old girl who has 2 deal with the fact that her mother and father is not together any more and the fact that she now has to share her father with another women who she don't really now and now she has to go and leave in the same space with this lady that can really hurt the fact that my daddy keep discipline and telling me that i have 2 like this lady that is not my mother. take if from me that is the wrong way of going about it she is trying 2 make where u leave him. but if u love him don't let her. u tell her with she don't have to be your friend but she do have to respect you because u respect her and the best thing u can do is kill her with your kindness because all she want right now is to know that in the end u will not harm her or tell her nothing wrong and a child knows when they are getting a person skin. but if u kill that with kindness it soon will pass over

Answer 3

You are very right when you say she does all this on purpose and is trying to make you mad. At 11 she thinks you are the bad guy and that it is your fault her mom and her dad are not together even though it isnt like that. On her next visit if she were to try and hit at you or call you names simply tell her "In this house no one fights or calls anyone names. Not me , not your dad , not you , or anyone else . No one is allowed to do that. I am not trying to take the place of your mother or take your dad away from you. He is your dad and always will be and loves you very much. It makes him very happy when you come to visit and that makes me happy. This is your time , your time to spend with your dad so why do you want to make him upset by messing with me. In fact I hope some day you will be able to stay longer with him so maybe he and you can go some place special together just the two of you. She will probably ask if you are going to go too and you tell her no because its thier time together unless she wanted you to go. other wise it was her special time . Have your husband for the first couple of days act like he is not feeling good or something so she gets alittle bored then ask her if she could do you a big favor and go shopping with you to help you pick out a shirt for him because you arent that good at picking out clothes and want the shirt to be special. She will start warming up to you. Ask her her opinion about what she thinks her dad would want for dinner. Things like that . You see I went through the same thing you are going through with my husbands two boys who were 8 and 10 . That was 9 years ago and today they come to see me more than they do thier own dad. When she does something wrong and your boyfriend is about to disapline her tell him no not to and even though it is a lie say something like it not her fault that she is upset , i would be upset too and so would you if we were her. You know what i mean I am sure. Have it all worked out with her dad before her visit. He has to help by being the bad guy sort of and make you look like the good guy. I wish you all the luck in the world , I know how frustrating it can be.

Answer 4

I feel for you. What is her mother like? If you can communicate with her and work out an understanding between the four of you about this behavior, that would be a start. She may have jealousy/anger issues. I think everyone needs a heart to heart and discipline procedures need to be set out. Explain respect to her and that if she doesn't show it, she doesn't get it. Personally, I would spank her and send her to a corner. Probably not the best thing to do since she is already violent but it is a lot to handle.

Answer 5

U have to do ur best to get along with her. The reason she is acting like that is because of her mother. Her mother is the one u might need to talk to about her. when she with her I know her mother tells her that she do not have to listen to u in which is not correct. I've been there and done that. One of my step daughters didn't want to have any thing to do with me at first. When I start treating her with kindness I won her over. Tell her u r not trying to replace her mother in no way. Start doing things with her and she how she act then. Try to remember how u was at 11 and go from there. Try doing things she will like to do. then u will have a good friend.

Answer 6

You must tell him that if he can't afford someone else to watch her while he is away then she can't stay with you two. There is no reason she should ever be allowed to stay with you alone, not that you're a bad person, but I image she has been left with a lot of people she didn't want to get left with and she is acting out against it. The are all sorts of daycares that she could go to and they would be able to do what she needs. If he can't understand that then maybe you should tell him that you feel that this is not the life you want and are thinking of leaving....you don't have to go just threaten him. That usually makes most guys open their eyes to things they have chosen not to see before. Best wishes

Answer 7

i kinda had the same problem you do and it easy first buy her some thing nice and just you and her go to park and talk about what make each other happy and tell her your not gonna take her daddy away from her cause that's what she thinks you got to think on her level how would you act if someone you care about was being taken from you and although that's not case in your eyes it is in hers you got to try and reach out to her on her level and away from your boy friend just you and the kid got to lunch to gather and hang out do girls stuff like put on make up and Curr hair and talk and stay up all night and bye a lock box or file cabinet and lock up any thing you want to keep ....try be her friend on a friend level then slow bring the boyfriend on shopping trips and trips to movies you got spend time with this kid one on one or it will be hell for you two get along with her and all so i don't know the thing on the mom but that also could have an effect on how the kid treats you

Answer 8

This sounds like a nightmare script from a bad movie! I guess take her somewhere else someday, like shopping, and have a long, very honest, talk with her. Tell her you're gonna be around anyway, so how can you two work out your differences, and just what is her problem with you? Be real straight, kind, but firm with her. And good luck. Maybe you should take her to see a movie, that one with Julia Roberts in it, about much the same situation. Maybe that, with humor, might break the ice so you can talk.

Answer 9

The daughter obviously lacks discipline, from both parents...you have a say so as to what her father should and shouldn't be doing and I'd make it very clear this is for the daughters sake that he step up and handle his fatherly duties...At 11 years old, she should knows better...and the next thing her father should make perfectly clear is that there are consequences to bad behavior..and he needs to step up the discipline so she doesn't continue such behavior...this is his responsibility, don't allow him to put it off on you..

Answer 10

I respectually submit to you that the 11-year old has a right to be with her father. Unfortunately, you are not married to her father, so you have no right, really, to be living with either one of them.

The daughter's rights to be her father's daughter and to have her father in their home are being violated by you, the "intruder", who just happens to occupy the same space.

Unless you and your boyfriend are married, whatever you are experiencing is the daughter letting you know that you are NOT her mother, you are teaching her NOT accept responsibility of family; you are showing her that YOU HAVE NO RESPECT for her, yourself or your boyfriend; and, that you are perfectly willing to accept the disrespect you and your boyfriend are showing each other by living together as "husband and wife" without being responsible enough to BE husband and wife."

The disrespect you are being shown by the little girl is the same disrespect you are showing her. So, in that regard, you are the intruder in the eyes of that little girl. And how do you feel about intruders in your home??

Answer 11

Talk to your b/f about this and have him discipline her in a way to make it work..If you dont the relationship will suffer even more over time..He must make her understand that she is to treat you with respect even if she doesnt like you..(I'm thinking his ex is influencing her opinions of you)She needs to behave for him and you are a part of him so she has to accept this, not like it but accept it anyway..Once she knows these are the rules and uses them in time I think she will change by knowing you better and realizing your not that bad a person!I know its not easy but try to be patient and have that b/f of yours take control of her!For all sakes involved..good luck!