How do you start being on the take?I want to start getting bribes so I can run for congress as a conservative?

Question

I called congress to talk to any Republican congressman but they dont meet with you unless you are on the stock market

Answer 1

First, you need to find a church that will support you - make sure you take on all the social issues and are against them - gay marriage, abortion, dogs and cats living together - get puffed up and let those church-goers know you mean business when you get to D.C.

Next, pass the hat - let them know in order for you to GET to D.C. it costs money and the more the better. You need loads of money to make videos pronouncing your disgust with the American social system, Hollywood, those dogs and cats living together and such as well as run ads in local newspapers. It'll cost more to run ads in liberal papers because they really don't want to know you, but they will take lots of money if you offer it to them and then they'll have to run your ad.

Next, find someone who will lend you their BMW or Lexus or better yet, their Mercedes or Bentley so you can go on the campaign trail in your town. Raise your fist a lot and yell things out like "those damn liberals" and "Democrats are the weak link in the chain" or "Evolution is Evil spelled without the o u t o and another n (out on... a limb)." Create a campaign slogan that deals with the marriage issue, or abortion, or how all the Mexican illegal immigrants in your neighborhood need to go back to Mexico or stay and continue working for $1.50 an hour. You can always go back to the dogs and cats living together thing - whatever riles up your constituents the best.

Lastly, find a way to bribe the people that run the voting booths in your district or make sure your cousin works for either the voting booth company or the local news channel that will announce your candidacy. People always believe the media. Those things seem to always do the trick.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Now you know better you cant get close to those guys unless you are a have or a have more...got to learn the rules if your ever gonna make a good crook eh er...Republican..Now first you have to realize there are certain ways of taking money that are perfectly legal...so's ya don't lose your cushy job...the best is you get your self one of those great lobbies...anyone will do...but the bigger the corporation the more money you get so try to get a good one...now understand once elected these guys are gonna want that money back...you can do this legally to in the form of corporate welfare so just watch yourself so that these guys are getting taken care of...there are certain perks too that are still legal you just got to be careful that you can classify it as business...there's also the out and out thievery so long as you don't get caught as i said before this is a little more tricky and you wouldn't want to lose the cushy job...this ought to help you get started with your new career as a money grabbing Republican congressman....good luck to you praise Bush...and remember not to go hunting with the V.P.

Answer 3

You don't have to be a Republican. You can do it as a Democrat too. Just ask William Jefferson how to do it as a Democrat.

*LOL* What makes you think it's ONLY conservatives who are on the take. Todays congressmen (of both parties) want to redefine what on the take really means as much as Bill Clinton did about what having sex is. The bottom line is they are only on the take AFTER they get convicted.

Answer 4

Don't forget about Social Security Benefits:

SOCIAL SECURITY:

(This is worth reading. It is short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.

Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.

You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan.

In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.

For all practical purposes their plan works like this:

When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die.

Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments..

For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275, 000.00 during the last years of their lives.

This is calculated on an average life span for each of those two Dignitaries.

Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.

Their cost for this excellent plan is $0.00. NADA..! .ZILCH...

This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds;

"OUR TA! X DOLLAR S AT WORK "!

From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into, every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer). we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.

Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator! Bill Bradley's benefits!

Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.

That change would be to:

Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us

then sit back.....

and see how fast they would fix it.

Answer 5

Politicians of all parties take bribes.

And the only reason there are two main political parties is because there are two sides of every office: in and out.

Answer 6

There are a lot of rich people to buy all the americans including America's rich people

Answer 7

It doesn't matter what political party-they all do it. Republicans are just better at the smear campaigns.

Answer 8

you havn't been watching the news lately have you?

Check out the Louisiana democrats.

Answer 9

Ask Bill and Hillary, they know all there is to know about that!

Answer 10

I agree almost all politicians are dirty..