girlfriend very upset over her ex-husband getting engaged?

Question

My girlfriend was divorced two years ago and it seemed as if she had "moved on" after all the financial and other stress of divorce. She has three children from the marriage, who live with her almost full-time but they've all handled things brilliantly. She was together with her husband for about 14 years.

She met her ex-h's new girlfriend for the first time over the weekend when we picked up their children from a weekend at their Dad's. They seemed to get on really well together, and the g/f gets on really well with her kids.

He's subsequently told her that he and his g/f are engaged and plan to get married next summer.

She's been surprisingly upset by this, but has really been struggling to identify what it is that is upsetting her.

I'm not sure how to act around her at the moment, and feeling uncomfortable about this. I'm not sure if this is a sign for her that her marriage is totally ended, or if she feels that he's easily able to marry again and it isn't so easy for her.

Answer 1

It could be that she was with him for 14 years. Whether they are together or not, she may consider him still "hers". She may be realizing that he isn't. And it's upsetting for her. Or, it could be her mind telling her that if he is getting married already then did he really love her? You have to ask her. No-one else is going to be able to help you and her. You need to treat her the way you always have.

Answer 2

Well, it could be a few different things making her feel like this. One maybe it is hard for her to finally have to accept the finalization of their divorce( which one filed for the divorce?) and 2nd: maybe she isn't too happy about another woman being "step" mom because, she is MOM and doesn't want anyone else to be in that category with her. VERY understandable I feel but, not reality not now days. I would just give her a little time let her heal and in a few it will be better. If you truly love her be her friend don't just up and leave her in this situation alone I am sure she has had enough loneliness in her past...(not a pleasant feeling either) Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

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Answer 4

This is a natural feeling, don't read into it, women are emotional and if they are children involved, she can be concern about the kids and a step-mother, how they will adress her etc.

I, too, got upset over my ex-huband marrying his girrfriend. They are having a big wedding and we never did. It troubled me and made me think why I wasn't worth it of a big wedding, why we couldn't make it as a couple, why they are happy together and we werent etc. That doesn't mean that I love him (for pete's sake, the guy is the biggest loser) the thing is that there is a history and memories,there are things that you want to forget and the news of a wedding is a reminder of the failure and a reminder of things that you have forgotten. Woudn't you be troubled too if memories of failure came across?

Your g/f is over the relationship with the ex, divorce leaves an emotional scar. Let it be, dont dweell into it and don't read into it. It means nothing. Be supportive.

Answer 5

they lived together for too long a time to just accept new happenings in her ex's life just like that especially maybe she had hope that one day he would come back to her senses and take her back, because in this situation I would say, she might have separated with the ex when she still loved him due to other reasons not loss of love of course. She moved on to you in order to find comfort and maybe to just show the ex that she can do without him, but now that him too has showed that he does not need her, it hurts her most, maybe she expected him to beg for her love in future. She has not really moved on and their is nothing you can do about, but be honesty with her and tell her that you can read her mind and know that she is upset with the development in the ex's life, then get what she has to say. If her love is still trailing behind, you will not receive all the love you expect from her and that will hurt you in the end. I hope gets over the other man and move on for the sake of your love.

Answer 6

tell her it's normal. she has happy memories and feelings for him but that doesn't mean anything is wrong or that she doesn't love you. It's some kind of emotion release a bit like when your mum cries at your wedding even tho you've been living with you GF for years. It's a last little string and the tears will heal and are nothing to worry about. you sound like a really caring and loving guy and she really trusts you to tell you this. So well done you. plan something fun or a surprise for her and give her a cuddle she's yours now. Lucky lass.

Answer 7

I have split with my husband and the thought of him wanting someone else over me is hard to accept.. If she shared a love and children it just feels like the biggest rejection even though she has you. You sound like a really nice and supportive guy. Trust me these feelings have no bearing over your relationship, just give her time to get used to the idea and spend quality time with her. Take her out for the night and show her how much better off she is with you and not him. Best wishes xx

Answer 8

She must have some unresolved feelings. I'm divorced too and when my ex moved in w/ his new gal I hated it. At first I didn't know why but now I now it was that I still had feeling for him. I never wanted to get back together but I still had love for him. I felt like he was replacing me and no one wants to be replaced. It was also hard knowing another woman would be taking care of my kids. I think you should just giver her time she will be fine. She may just need to vent so give her an ear and don't take it to heart.

Answer 9

The ex-wife must learn not to be too emotionally clingy as the marriage is already over and the husband is free to have a new wife. People must move on with their lives instead of staying preoccupied in the past. To keep it simple, move on and get over it.

Answer 10

This is normal feelings and oviously she has not gotten past the pain of her first divorce yet. Do not marry her until she is healing and getting past the pain of her last divorce and relationship.... Be patient and give her time to heal. She gets along with her kids because she is their mom and that is important to her and to the kids. They are a part of her life and you need to accept that as well!