Why do white women expect their husbands to give up their love and loyalty to their mother when they marry?

Question

Why do white american expect their husbands to give up their love and loyalty to their mother when they marry?women expect their husbands to give up their love and loyalty to their mother when they marry?


In India we embrace our mother-in-law and consider her an important part of our family. In America on the other hand all you ever hear from wives is "me first, me first!" and talk about "boundaries" and such. Why do american women have such a problem with their husbands mother? She's the woman who raised him and shaped him into the man he is. Doesn't she deserve his love, loyalty, and respect. This doesn't mean he has to give up his wife though. Why are American men always put in a position to choose between their mother and wife by their wife? Why does it always have to be either/or?

and why do they use the bible to justify it?

Answer 1

I'm not sure where you getting information that we americans don't care about our mother in laws. It is wrong and ignorant information. Granted, I do believe that the spouse should put the other spouse first. I don't expect my husband to "give up his love and loyalty" to his mother. But, when you get married you do agree to put your spouse "before all others".

I have an awesome relationship with my mother-in-law. In fact, I'm probably closer to her than I am to my own mom. She understands that her son is married now and his first obligation is to me and our son. Doesn't mean we stop visiting and calling her. Grow up.

Answer 2

In a good and proper love/marriage, it doesn't have to be that way, in America or anywhere else.
but America does not have the extended families that other countries still have, or like we had many years ago.
Also, the King James Version of the Bible (which is dominant here) tells how to handle marriage. That a man taking a wife, will cleave unto his wife and leave the "apron" strings behind.

I can speak from experience, that in regards to boundaries, America does not have nearly as many as there should be.
my wife's mother is incredibly intrusive and manipulative.
I have only spoken to her twice in the last 3 years, because of her B/S.

Answer 3

This idea comes from God. In Genesis 2:24 God tells us that 'for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'.
He is talking about bonding in marriage.

Mother-in-laws are not forsaken. You may have seen a family that has had problems getting along with each other, but your impression is wrong for "white" people

Answer 4

It's not about race or color, it's all about those controlling mother-in-laws. Some men do need to step up and put mommie in the correct place. A relationship between "two" people is just that "two" not three!

Answer 5

I think that you need to learn what the hell you're talking about. I don't know any friends or family members that have been expected to do that. I think you watch too much TV and movies. Do some research and meet some real americans and families first.

I would never expect my husband to do that! We go to both our parents houses virtually every week at least once or twice! He's going to lunch with his mom today, and I don't care! I don't expect him to eat lunch with me!

Answer 6

I'm a white American woman, and I love my mother-in-law very much. She's a smart woman, and very important to me as we raise our own children. Both of our mothers play a big role in our family, and I value both my mother-in-law and my mother's opinions.

Please don't classify all "white Americans" as a certain way. We are all very different.

Answer 7

A good woman doesnt want to get rid of your mother from your life, but she also wants a life apart from her inlaws. Its not fair to your wife to expect her to live according to your mothers whims, wishes and demands.

She should be able to go to her for advise and friendship, it should be the two of them working together in a relationship of love for the same man, but your wife shouldnt have to come in second to your mother. A man leaves his family and marry's his wife and they become their own family unit.

Its a very honerable thing to care for, and love your mother as a married man, she should be able to depend on both of you for her care and welfare in her old age. But not at the expense of your wife being first to you.

Most men who are still connected to their mothers in this way have a case of mixed loyalties, all their decisions and concerns automatically lean towards their mothers feelings and desires, and not to their wife's. This is what makes a woman hate her mother in law. Youre married to your wife, NOT your mother. If you love you wife first and live for her FIRST then you can work as a team to care for and love your mother, and your wife wont feel like she has to fight for you loyalty, your love, and your attention.

I know because iam married to an only child, who's mother thinks we hate her and dont want anything to do with her because we moved 6 miles away. no matter what i do to care for her or convince her i love her she always tells my husband how evil i am and how i have torn the family apart. And every decision me and my husband makes gets changed behind my back because he fears more what she might think or feel about it. And that is not fair.

I love the woman, she did give me my husband, but she wont let me have him, and she wont let me be a loving part of their family, and thats not fair. iam sick because of it. Its not fair to ruin the health of the woman your son loves.

iam very familiar with the way families function in india, and it is a very honerable thing. But not at the expense of your wife being first to you in your heart and thoughts and concerns.

Answer 8

it's not always that way ... usually in such cases you'll find that the mother is over-controlling

Answer 9

because our culture is so possession oriented. we think we own our husbands, and no one else.

Answer 10

shoot , it's the chinese women that try and control your life!