Three years ago I was rather rude to my spouse. Shortly after I became pregnant with his first child. After giving birth to our son he tells me it is now payback. He said he waited so as not to cause any undue stress to the unborn. He became verbally and physically abusive, stayed out late. I tried talking to him he said it was his time now. I later found out that he cheated as well.
I am ready to leave his ***. My friends think I am being rash. I told him two months ago that his attitude and behaviour does not affect me since I have grown closer to both family and friends as a result of him shutting me out. He was devastated by what I said. He doesnt stay out anymore. We have long talks, he cooks, takes care of his son. The sex has been off the chain. I think this is just to soften me. I am afraid to trust him again especially since I found out about the cheating. I just want to call it a day and move on. I cant forgive many of the things he said and did and worst of all didn't do.
2006-06-06 02:28:32 · 20 answers · asked by Annie T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Leave his ***. I have no respect for men who abuse their women in any shape or form, nor do I have respect for the women who stay.
2006-06-06 02:34:46 · answer #1 · answered by princeofdaarkness 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a cycle. After the period of abuse there is always the "honeymoon" stage as it is called. He apologizes and does nice things for you and you think he is going to change. Than the abuse happens again.
This man is very immature to be in a relationship. You were rude to him and he wants payback. Hello! Any person that has verbally and physically abused someone will do it again. You should think about your child. What is going to stop him from hurting your baby.
Also a relationship without trust is a hard one indeed. Trust your instincts and leave him. He is no good.
2006-06-06 09:35:35 · answer #2 · answered by butterflykisses427 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you don't really say how you were rude to him 3 years ago, i can't see that as justification for his actions in any way. But either way it is in the past, one way or the other. The question now is, how long will this "perfect" arrangement you have now last before it reverts back to some childish revenge thing again. I guess you really need to sit down and think out for yourself is it worth the risk, or is it worth trying from scratch with someone new. people can change, but only with help, and if they want to deep down. I do think you both should attend counsellng if possible, and see if you can work out a long term truce to your past problems before they may happen again. If you can't fnd and fix the problem(s) that made things happen the way they did, perhaps moving on might be the best way to go.
2006-06-06 09:42:42 · answer #3 · answered by jaysen_07 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't forget then get out. Dont let him treat you this way. If he cheated once and got by with it then he will do it again I believe. Yes maybe he did change but ask your self this. If he is out late again maybe said he had to work late would you believe him? Would you think he was out cheating? Trust is a hard thing to get back with someone that cheated on you. SOme people can do it but not all. Just go with what you feel in your heart. Good luck to you and your son.
2006-06-06 09:34:57 · answer #4 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was a rhetorical question, right?
Sex is good, he's a model husband, and a decent enough father and you're going to use your past - where both of you were guilty of wrong doing in some manner or other - as leverage to leave him...?
...you don't fix what ain't broke. You don't need a counselor, you need time to heal and grow stronger together. It sounds to me like you both have finally grown up ... a little.
Obviously you communicate well enough. Put it behind you and move forward with the good things you have.
2006-06-06 09:43:24 · answer #5 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you both did things that the others find unacceptable. But if you both feel that you can get pass all the nonsense and finally have that relationship you both deserve then give it another try. if it still doesn't work you can always get divorce, at least give it one more shot. I don't believe in that once a cheater always a cheater. i cheated on my previous boyfriend and the man I'm with now it has never crossed my mind. I think you owe it to you child to try.
2006-06-06 09:37:30 · answer #6 · answered by j :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have cheated and found that the other woman does not love him or even really hurt him and now he realises that he really does love you and does want to be a family with you and your son. Give him this oportunity to fix the two wrongs you both committed. The only way you'll be able to trust him is if you give him a chance to prove himself. Best wishes
2006-06-06 09:36:28 · answer #7 · answered by colorist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me... He may seem all nice and help out more now and all that, but you are right - he's just doing it to soften you up to take him back. My ex does the same thing. Claims if we got back together he would be around more and help out more and all that. The thing is, they may do it for a little while, but it won't stay that way for long. These kind of guys don't change for the long term.
2006-06-06 09:33:37 · answer #8 · answered by angelbaby 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's your husband and you do have a child. I don't think people take marriage seriously anymore. You both took the vows and if things are better now , then it can't hurt to give it a little more time and try to build from it.
2006-06-06 09:59:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up so easily, try to get him to attend couples counseling with a pastor and here from God how to be married. Everything happens for a reason and this is your test, pass it and move on. Get him to talk to you more, but if he hits you then pack yo Sh** and leave!!
2006-06-06 09:38:11 · answer #10 · answered by sweetness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to talk with a mediator and see if you have anything worth saving. If it's all an act, you will find out. If he has sincerely changed because he is a parent, you will find that out too.
Good luck.
2006-06-06 09:32:53 · answer #11 · answered by ladyren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋