Do I still love him?

Question

Have been married nearly 30 years and life is sooooo boring. I dont think I love him any more - least not 'in' love with him. Any ideas how I know for sure, cos once I leave there will be no going back?

We have been to marriage guidance. I want to try new things and he doesn't. I do realise all relationships have ups and downs but this down has been going on for too many years.

Answer 1

that is something you and only you can awsnser. but think long and hard about it and maybe you guys should see a marriage guidance councillor

Answer 2

After 30 years together its not surprising that the spark has gone from your relationship. Have you tried going out and doing something unfamiliar that neither of you have done before, sometimes how a person reacts in an unfamiliar situation can give a fresh insight into the true nature of that person.
Maybe you will decide enough is enough and end the relationship, or on the other hand, you may just see the 'spark' that got you together in the first place. Try it.. what have you got to lose? Remember, shared experiences bind you together. You dont have to go bungee jumping or anything extreme, as long as it is something you can do together that neither of you have done before or since you met. If you have fun, then why not do the same thing again and create some common interests or perhaps try something different and more exciting. Its your life and it aint a rehearsal.. go for it and good luck to you.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear this. Yes, the marriage have up and down situation and relationship but hearing that you have been thru of this for 30 years, why you should doubt what your feeling about him anyway. Of course yo still love him that you will not want to be apart.
Now you just feels boring about your situation, the routine or maybe you wanted more than what have your hubby done for you that he not realize it and it make you angry with him.
Take you both to a romantic vacation, discuss what are happen between both of you or find therapy to solve your marriage problem, somebody that you both not known before and make sure that he is a wise man and will never make the situation getting worst.
Both of you need a break and revolution. the changes to a better relationship after so many years. Think of what were the first time you were falllin in love each other, what were you done when you were very enjoy with both then repeat it will refresh your feelings n hope that love like the first will comes again.
good luck.

Answer 4

ask him if he loves you and if hes say yes than tell him your gonna scheal a cruse or a norther honey moon you have to put some spice in this marriage i don't think leaving is a good idea
you got 30 years do you think will not miss him i think you would
tell him your think-in of leaving and see what he say i bet he don't want you to go i been married 10 year and you have to do new thing all way to keep the love alive this is what you can do hes set in his ways that's for sure so get out an old photo album when you first got to gather bring back thoughts old memories do you have any old love letters put this where he can see them and leave for a little wile then once gone go out by a new sexy something come home and go up to your room put some candles and romance music on start a bath for him and call up there tell him you need his help with something and go from there
make sure to where the new sexy some thing and just keep reminding him of the love you had in the being and do it Little each day and things will get better

Answer 5

I'd say there must be a part of you that still loves him, it's just a matter of admitting it to yourself. Maybe your life is too hectic, but you have to try and find time or more time to spend with eachother, and when you do that... Try to bring back the memories of the days when you first starting going out or the memories of how you first met, I'm sure that will do something. And if children are involved in this marriage as well, this makes the situation worse... You really have to consider the children's feelings as to what you could be doing could ruin them.
It has to take serious thinking for you to come up with the answer of wether you still love him or not, but you should take your time making this decision as it could permenately change your life and there's no going back once you've already made a decision. So the best advice I can give you is to take your time making this choice and choose wisely, you don't want to end up regretting something for the rest of your life.
Hope this helped.

Answer 6

i know exactly how you feel - i have been married for 22 years and now realise that, although i am still fond of him, i am not in love with him anymore. I cant say exactly when i started to feel differently but i just know that this isnt what i want for the rest of my life. My problem is, i have four children - 3 teenagers and one under 10 - and they would be devastated if we were to split again. You see, we were separated for two years and he had a relationship with someone else (which i wasnt aware of until we got back together) and at first it was fantastic, but now i realise it was a big mistake and that i should have 'moved on' and made a fresh start. We have been back together now for 3 years and things are so different as i dont feel i can trust him. He is so different and shows no interest in me whatsoever. We have nothing in common and never spend time as a couple as i work most evenings. All we seem to do is argue and i know the children are worried that history will repeat itself but i know deep inside that i cannot carry on like this. To everyone else he is Mr. Wonderful, but not many people know the real story. Are you able to support yourself financially if you were to split? unfortunately, i wouldnt be able to support myself and the children and he doesnt earn enough to rent or buy another property elsewhere. Do you still find him attractive? does he still make you laugh, and how would you feel if he wanted to start a new relationship with someone else? I agree with your comment of 'no going back' - i too should have adopted that attitude. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you make the right decision.

Answer 7

Marriages are boring, and secure, you have someone and something, to wakeup to. Family. Kids. A good home. A person to rely on intimes of trouble,disasters and need. Oh no. You want a little bit of excitement in your life. You believe if theree is no excitement then there is no love. You need someone to beatup on you every now and then, right? Give you an std once in a while? Cheat on you so you have to compete with a girlfriend for your husband's attention? Is that enough excitement for you or you want more.

30 Years is alot to account for. You have a golden relationship and you are secretly the envy of all your friends. Hold on to what you have , becuase there is nothing more wonderfull out there than what you have at home. You never miss the water till the well run dry.

Answer 8

After 30 years of marriage you will be leaving b/c you are bored? I believe you need a hobbie, a part time job, go to the gym. You need to create your own fun. If your husband is willing to join every now and then awesome. I think you can implement date night. Iam sure your husband does not want to end a 30 year relationship. As much as we would like to dream the grass is greener on the other side of the fence it is not so. Re-invent your love for each other. Iam sure you love him 30 years just to be around I dont think someone would tolerate it. Think it thru carefully You are right after you leave your pride will keep you from admitting you were wrong.

Answer 9

You've been married for 30 years, you know that there are times when it seems BORRRRRING!!! But that does not mean you are not in love. That's what being married is all about. Getting bored with one another and discovering new and exciting ways to "keep it hot". Marriage is beautiful and you guys have been able to make it for 30 years, why hang up the towel now. If he's still good to you and you don't have a love interest, work it out. I can't wait till I make it to 30 years, that's something special that many people can't say. You guys are special and you definitely have something special. Hold on to it. Remember "keep it hot".

Answer 10

Make sure Jude that you have done everything to make your marriage work. you don't want to get a divorce and then realize that you could have or should have tried at least one more thing. Divorce is a big blow to a couple and can be looked at as "this is what I get for all the years that I've given you?" But on the other hand if you're having doubts to the point where you are questioning your love, then maybe it's time for a change. It would be more respectful to leave someone than to get caught cheating.

Answer 11

Hi Jude, well I do not know how you can test yourself for love but why don't you do special things together??? Like maybe going out and eat at a romantic place, prepare a picnic basket and when he comes home have a picnic in front of the fireplace or in the livingroom, do special things for him or go on a speacial date with just the two of you and no one else!!!

Try to remember the things that attracted him to you and try to have that again or even remember what special things he was doing for you when you where still in love!!!

I am not married yet and I am 20 but trust me, there are diffrent stages of love:

You like this man ALLOT!!!
First you are in love (funny butterfly feeling)
Then you love him
And then you get the love that is there and it is not all romantic and exiting allot but you know what you got in him and that he loves you and that you are gonna grow old together and watch your grand children grow up!!!

What I am trying to say is that you never will be in love (butterfly kind of love) with a person forever you 2 grow together emosionally as well as spiritually and you love each other and care for each other and there is that bond when you think something he already knows what you are going to say!!!!

Ask yourself would you really want to give that up!!

My mother always told me:"To be married is easy to make it work and actually reach your 50th anniversary is hard"

Don't take the easy way out!!!!!!!!