I came across an e-mail under my boyfriend's account that said he belonged to a sex site. What am I to think?

Question

I was playing on the computer and I admit I opened his e-mail account even though I should have known better. I didn't expect to find anything, but I did. It doesn't seem like much, he is registered to xpeeps.com some kind of a porn site. The girls on his list aren't from here and the rest are pornstars. However, he last logged in while we were on vacation. I guess what I'm thinking is that why does he need to belong to a sex site, why does he look at porn so much, it's not even the good stuff. I try to do things for him and try new things and he can't say that I don't want it all the time and that I am a bore. So I really don't get it. Should I bring this up to him and ask him why he belongs to such a site. It's basically like Myspace.com but a sex version. I already get annoyed that he is on myspace. I will ask him what he is doing or why he is late and he'll say he was doing something or getting ready, and it turns out he was online on myspace or I guess this new sexspace. What the?

It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him. He gets playboy mags, buys really lame porn (Girls Gone Wild) and he says it is because the girls on GGW are realistic and that pornstars are out of the ball park. Now he is on some sex site and although I don't think he is doing anything, I don't really know. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Should I let this worry me? Should I bring it up to him? If I do I have to confess that I went on his e-mail. Granted if he has nothing to hide he shouldn't care (he should care that I went on it, but not blow up about privacy and all that crap I already know how that goes with cheaters) I went on his myspace once and he didn't get all that mad he just asked me to never do it again. I figure if you want to keep that private then you must be wanting to keep things from me. He tells me things I really don't need to know, yet I can't have access to his "simple and harmless" accounts. Ugh!

And I am not saying sex sites or porn are wrong. I'm probably the reason he even joined it because I look at it all the time. The point is he didn't tell me about it and I don't like him doing it behind my back.

Okay, shut up with the get over it lines.
Like I said, porn is not bad.
No, I want sex more than he does which is why I'm confused.
And third he shouldn't be afraid to tell me because I am not like that, which makes it even more weird.
The only thing I can think of is he is trying to come up with new things. I kinda brought up that I'm getting bored, but he should talk to me about it instead of trying to find things out from pornostars. ha ha.

Answer 1

You need to get it clear that ur boyfriend needs some genuine sex. You should be more free about it and be considerate while discussing these topics. Most men visit sex or porn sites and thats pretty normal now-a-days, but u should be more concern abt him hiding it. After all its the love which bound u together.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel. I found the same type of stuff with my boyfriend and i felt bad because i went through his stuff, but at the same time i wasn't expecting to find anything and did. I'm also the same way in bed, I do everything in my power to make him happy and sexually satisfy him when it comes down to it. Knowing he is part of these sites makes me feel like no matter how much i gIve to him he's still not going to be sexually satisfied and there is something wrong with me. What ive chosen to do is talk to him about it. in a relationship, communication is the key, and if you can talk things like this out.. then when something bigger comes up it might cause you two to break up because you cant express how you both feel. If he is on these sites talking to people around his area (which i found on my boyfriends site) then its a big issue. its more along the lines of he is planning to meet them since they live so close. even if the people on his friends list are so called "porn stars" it doesn't matter. he is on these sites while in a relationship and isn't thinking of how it makes YOU feel.. just talk to him sweetie.. and i wish you the best of luck with it all. I have to talk to my boyfriend about this stuff when he gets home. =\

Answer 3

me personally do not see why re u so pissed about this stuff. but if i had the same situation so even without being angry at him i would ask him anyway about it. the same questions u asked now u have rights to ask him. it seems to me strange too why he needs to visit sex sites when he has a willing woman at home. maybe u look different than those women? maybe he is into some kinky stuff he is afraid to ask u for? and also i do not understand why does he prefer to be on my space instead of communicating with u. i rememebr i was chatting with people when i was first time very unhappily married, so it was like an escape from the reality for me. in any case it seems u have to talk with your man. do not pretend nothing happened. just do not be histarical or accusing or make any scenes. just ask nicely and politely what is his problem and why is he doing it. good luck.
ps. and just can not resist to answer to that previous answerer who said be grateful that he is having internet sex and not real one. honey, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INTERNET SEX AND REAL ONE. the only difference he won't bring home sexually transmitted diseases. but mentally he is cheating on u with other women. what happens mentally is more important

Answer 4

First of all I don't know the site you refer to but many send out spam, making it look like you are on their site when you are not and it's not fair to people who have jealous significant others. Remember they are very good at making it look like you have been there. Secondly, if he views porno, unless you enjoy viewing it with him, then leave him alone about it. Don't get jealous of him viewing porno. It is nothing you are doing wrong and you will never change that about him and might I add I think he views porno as an outlet so that he will not cheat on you!!!!! I will say it again: I think he views porno as an outlet so that he will not cheat on you!!!!! So do not worry.
I would however bring the issue up with him. I don't believe in relationships where couples do not share. It was not wrong of you to check his email. If you are in a relationship then it is okay, and it is his perogative to leave THAT relationship if he does not like that. If you found out something you do not like about him with porno then leave. Do not get angry with him over what he really likes. You can not change that but if you have him as prisoner and want him to stop then by all means make him miserable for life. But be proud. NOT ANGRY.
Yes it is tricky. If there are real women on his profile, then it is a different story. I was only talking about porno. If he is meeting real women off a sleazy introductions site then just feel sorry for his future and RUN LIKE HECK!
Oh I can't believe I said "HECK" I must be getting old.

Answer 5

I would question him. Yeah he is a guy and guys look at porn....but if there are real girls on his list (not the porn stars but regular girls) I would be curious. My b/f belongs to myspace too and I go on his profile all the time just to read everything and make sure there is no funny business going on. I also ask him who they are...how he knows them and everything. It may only be the internet but honey my uncle just got married to a lady he met on the internet. They talked for a couple of months, she flew to meet him while on vacation, and two months later they were married. Ask him...if he gets mad then suspect something. He shouldn't get mad at you for wondering who all the girls are that are on his friends list. My b/f doesn't. Good Luck

Answer 6

U shud b happy that he has is having internet sex n not the real thing with other ppl.

He still remains true to u although being a guy has to relieve the pressure of being alone while ure on vacation.

Do not mention that u found out, jst be happy u still have him and u dont have an STD!!!

Answer 7

Honestly, most men and a lot of women in healthy, fulfilling relationships like to look at porn. It does not mean you are not satisfying him. I know it may be hard for you to understand but it is something a lot of married/attached men do. I am a woman, married, and I look at it occassionally and I know my husband does too! We are not "swingers" or anything weird. We don't discuss it, we don't talk about it, he knows I look, and I know he looks and everyone is happy. Please just try and remember that HE IS WITH YOU! Maybe he is hiding it because he knows it will bother you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Alot of men have this problem but, they don't see it as a problem. Have you ever heard of sex addiction? Sadly that addict doesn't see anything wrong with porn or fantasy stuff like that. HE will tell you your just jealous or somehow it's your problem. Run the other way now! It doesn't matter what you do and it has nothing to do with you, it is him.

Answer 9

Get over it. Guys like to look at chicks. If he's hooking up on MySpace, then you should dump him. But if he looks at a few pictures online, no harm.

If he spends hours there and doesn't have sex with you, then there IS a problem.

Answer 10

Ask him does he visit porn sites. If he says yes talk with him about why he does and how that makes you feel. It does not have to be a heated talk it can be a civil talk.