Which do you feel is worst? Being shunned by society or burdened by your conscious?

Question

Have you ever felt ashamed of an action or inaction you committed?
When I was a teen. I used to ride the bus a lot, . One time on the way home from a friend's house, I was sitting behind the driver, when an elderly man got on with his groceries. He sat right across from me, and I remember thinking how bad I felt for him. He seemed like someone who had a rough life and had been retired for some time. I wondered where his family was, if he was alone. Anyway, after a few moments this horrible stench crept up on me...others on the bus started complaining and making rude comments towards this old, (beaten down looking) man. (He didn't look homeless to me, just kind of disheveled.) Well, this loud mouth woman started yelling at him, and he sat there quietly with his head down. I was young and looked at the bus driver thinking he would stop their insults. He didn't. The woman continued and everyone moved to the back of the bus to get away from the smell.

Everyone on the bus was LOUDLY complaining and even bus driver chimed in. I just sat there, kinda covering my nose.

I wish I had, had the courage to stick up for this poor elderly man. I'm pretty sure he has since passed away. Sometimes I wonder if others had treated him better. I know I was as much at fault for his cruel treatment as the people who were insulting him. As an adult I now realize that the 'smell' could have been some kind of medical ailment. This incident was a major event in my life. I doubt any one who was there that day remember, but I do. I was scared that day about having the crowd turn on me too, that's why I didn't speak up..Today I'd rather be ostracized and shunned by society than have to feel that burden on my conscious again.

Julio..ideas are not physical either, but who can say they aren't less dangerous or hurtful? It's not a matter of it being just his 'business' it was a matter of "doing the right thing just because". Humans thrive on more than just the physical. Wouldn't you stop a parent who was verbally abusing their child?? Verbal abuse can scar in the same emotional and mental way than physical abuse can. Think about it..

Humans by nature are SOCIAL creatures, we thrive on the companionship of other humans. It was a city bus, I seriously doubt anyone would have hit me, and by your own 'reasons' why should their "WORDS" have bothered me if they were JUST "words"? What real harm would have come to me if I had shown solidarity to this poor elderly gentleman? Why should I have cared what the crowd thought? I never I would prob. never see any of them again ( I didn't).

Why would I scream at them? What would have been wrong with me just sitting next to him? Wouldn't that have shown him that someone CARED about him as a person?

daria did you mean to type "cathartic" and not "carthatic"??

Yea it was kind of a 'purging' I guess..?

Answer 1

Burdened by the conscience.
I know exactly how you feel. I cheated one of my good friend once. I haven't got over it. I pray that she is very successful somewhere.

I have been shunned by the society/family and supposed friends. But I always sleep well at nights, because my conscience is clean.

Unlike people who believe in clean thoughts, but no action, I believe that even when my heart is full of bad thoughts, I would never hurt/offend a fellow man or do any wrong.

I believe in action and not words. "Words are useless, especially sentences." -- Madonna :)

Answer 2

I don't think i have much to add, because i read diogenese's and thought it was the best reflected answer.

Perhaps you had a carthatic moment on the bus, perhaps you didn't. However, the fact that you recognized the separation between the elderly man and the masses is good enough. Sometimes that is all people need. And it shows you were mature and kind enough to recognize it. Sometimes we can't say or do things because words are not enough. If people had recognized their own behaviours, that would speak louder than anything anyone could have said.

I'm sure he would've recognized it, a man full of experiences usually does. Don't ponder upon it too much. Experience, makes us all stronger I believe :).

Answer 3

Colon cancer. He was dying of colon cancer.

There are some things you can do something about, and some things you cannot. Even if you had come to that persons defense, it would not have changed anything. You were a teen at the time. Even if you were an adult, it probably would not have changed anything.

You are powerless against a crowd unless you happen to be carrying an AK-47.

You were going to do what? Scream at them? Show them the error of their ways?

Shame them?

T'ain't going to happen. Not in the situation you described.

There are some things you frankly cannot change. No matter how hard you want to.

Yeah, I understand your feelings, and how you were ashamed at your inaction, but you know, no matter what you did, you would not have been able to change the mood on that bus, and you probably would have made it worse.

Sometimes life sucks. Change what you can. Watch what you can't. You have to get through this life too.

Answer 4

being ashamed was an appropiate feeling by my standards.you were young let it go. you learned and that is what life is about. would being homeless had made a difference, he was still a human being. i lived on the street for a week just see what it was like. i learned a lot little things like finding workplaces where people have to take quick breaks, thats where you can find long discarded cigarettes. searching carwashes, laundrymats, or any public vending area for dropped change. storebrand vienia sausages are cheap. i also rememeber the warmth i felt to wake up at my campsite a couple of times and find hot coffee, bicscuts and gravy, one of the few kind souls left in this me-me-me- world left for out of kindness. washing up in public restrooms making sure i took extra toilet paper for the bushes. poorly dreesed i was eventually arrested on trumped up charges. i got my constitutional rights trampled on in exchange for two days room and board and having my clothes washed, so they could more thouroully search them. boy were the pigs suprised a few days later when they found out what a fine home i really lived in. you must have been on a church bus. remember: jesus came to this earth once before to srtaighten out those kind of holy people and he is going to do it again. you will hear people say look at that so and so if he wanted to he could so and so or i would blab-bla-bla. everybody does not come into this world with the same capabilities, it's a long way up from the bottom.

Answer 5

It depends on the person. I would rather know i did the right thing and have people not like me, or think I'm stupid and lose rank and time and money over it than do the wrong thing. I've done it before. It's something I decieded best a long time ago. It was rude for the people to insult him. They should have just went to the back of the bus. They obviously not one oto have, or atleast care about the whole conscious thing.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Being bothered by your conscience is a terrible thing to happen. Being shunned by society is one thing, but once you are in line, and innocent, then there is nothing to worry about - it will be the crowd that will be ignorant, or likewise. I remember i saw a $1000 bill on the floor in my class room. I took it up, and walked away with it, saying that I am going to pay my own expenses today. However in the lab there was an announcement that a girl wanted her $1000, because she owed the school some money, and it was the last day for her payment, or else she would be expelled. I was too desirous of having the cash, so i told my friends i found some money. We felt really happy, that we were about to spend it. I felt terrible all of a sudden. I went back to the girl, telling her that I found it on the floor in the lecture room near the exit, and i even told her that I was going to spend it. But because of kindness and guilt, I returned it to her. She was crying, being overjoyed, and she was able to pay her debt. My friend cursed me about why I gave back the money, but clearly, i cared no more, cause the magnitude of someones future being in trouble was greater than a friend's quarrel. So I felt a lot better ---------- and beside, I was blessed myself with money. Cause i saw one of my friends who owed me some money, and it was a perfect day for me to get it back. So all thinks worked in favor.

Answer 8

That is a really sad story. To answer your question, I would rather follow my conscience than be accepted into society for something I am not. Don't beat yourself up over this. If you knew where this man was today, I'm sure you would try to do or say something to help him. If not, then just trust that he is in a better place now and he's had more good experiences in life than bad -- in other words, imagine him as a happy and strong person whose life was not significantly altered by this embarassing event.

Answer 9

Your story made me kind of sad...I have been in your situation and am glad to see that there are people like you out there. Your probably right no one else has probably thought about that day since other than yourself. The fact that you think about it still today means that you learned from your mistake. I bet if put in a similar situation again you may react differently. There are some great answers on here...I just wanted to hop on the wagon. You have a good heart.

Answer 10

You don't have to worrie about society in your case. It was a matter of 50 people. I have been in those kinds of situations, living in N.Y. But what I do is let it go if is just a VERVAL confrontation. In other cases where is physical, I have gotten involved and I always will. That's just me, Words are just words. You know, "sticks and bones" You don't have to regret it for the rest of your life. You didn't do anything wrong. Let it go . You can't get involved in everyones business.