I divorced my husband but still live together for the children? No, we wouldn't have sex. Hell, it's in the same bed with me and I DONT WANT "IT". No, he doesn't beat me or abuse me. He's just a bum and has been one for four years. I've tried everything, even asking what I can do to help. (I tried taking the blame route...didn't work). He won't even clean while I'm at work. Sometimes, I have to come home and cook. He's a great father, though. And the kids love him. I don't, anymore. Please help!
2006-06-05 19:04:15 · 20 answers · asked by Hey! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey, you found the right answerer. I had my ex move back in to the house because he wasn't paying the child support steady, he had no where to take the kids for visits and I needed to go to work full time. So he slept in the kid's room across the hall from me. But he is a good cleaner and cook. He would go out when I got home etc.
Now I bought a house with a basement suite. He pays his child support by either being the babysitter or paying the babysitter. he pays his rent by mowing the lawn and looking after small maintenance etc. When he is not working at all, then I help him out with groceries and he comes up and cleans my house while I am at work. I can go a couple days without seeing him sometimes.
There are 2 bedrooms downstairs, so the 9 year old and 6 year old boys have their rooms their. There are 3 bedrooms upstairs for me, my 17 year old son and the 5 year old girl. We used to have no schedule on who was sleeping where or taking them to school. Then we started doing 2 up, 2 down. Now we are on 5 up and 5 down. We make due with the beds. And when it is my 5 days off I don't have to be here at all. I go out and stay somewhere else usually.
Your ex needs to do more around the house though. Somehow you have to get that into him. I lucked out with a clean freak. I'm the messy one.
Yes, the kids like it. They get a little spoiled sometimes with it I guess, because mom and dad are not always on the same page or sharing the parenting rules. And we have talked about that we might have 2 houses one day.
Actually I have been thinking, he should move out and get his own house, and then I can live in his basement. That would be cheaper!
(it sounds like none of the other people up there have kids!)
2006-06-05 19:18:03 · answer #1 · answered by ruletheworld 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where you are coming from, I have a few of the same problems with my fiance of 5 years. Since you already divorced him, I'm sure you already went thru all the talks and ultimatums and such. But i do disagree with person who said you are using your children as a scapegoat, I can understand why you want the childern to have their father in their lives, espicially is he is a good father. It is better to have your children with their father who loves them than putting them with a babysitter when possible. My main question is how do you feel? Does keeping him around make things for you more stressful for you than if he was gone? I know it sounds really corny, but I would sit down and make a list out of all the positives and negatives of keeping him there, then sit down and do some serious thinking. In the end you have to do what is best for you and the kids.
2006-06-05 19:22:55 · answer #2 · answered by Ms. FairyLove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, it's a bad idea. Nothing says "confusion" like getting a divorce and living together. There is no such thing as a "good divorce" either, when it comes to kids, just sucky and less sucky... so get a grip, seek some counseling, and in the mean time, act like you DO love him. Fake it 'til you make it, as they say. Most moms would die for their kids... all you have to do is live with a guy YOU chose to spend the rest of your life with (remember those crazy promises you made at the wedding?) regardless of the presence or absence of his good behavior.
2006-06-05 19:12:43 · answer #3 · answered by craftladyteresa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you say that he is a great father if he is a bum? Is that the example you want to give your kids? I know that the kids love him and all. but you have to ask yourself is it worth it for u and your kids. You don't have any more responsibility for him. You guys are divorced and he is a grown man . he should support
himself .what is the question? What is the bad idea? Just leave his sorry butt. Good luck!
2006-06-05 19:12:06 · answer #4 · answered by esperanza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In most states, you have to live separately for at least a year before a divorce can be finalized. So you're plan won't work.
Now the question is, what can you do with him to make him realize that he needs a job. I'd start by cutting him off from all money and credit cards. Get direct deposit to your own checking account and cancel all joint credit cards. Just like parents do to kids who want money, make him earn it. Give him chores to earn his money or he can go get a job.
2006-06-05 19:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by my_alias_id 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its going to come down to what you want. if you want to move out, or have him move out then do it. either that or at least get a bigger place so you can have your own room. i see how you want to stay together for the children, but as they get older, they will catch on that mommy and daddy dont love each other anymore, and might think staying in a loveless relationship is ok. do what you need to do to make yourself happy. if he doesnt work, then he can watch the kids while you do and you pick them up from there and take them home or whatever. at least you dont have to worry about cleaning up after him that way. but the only one that can answer this question is you and you have to figure out what is best for you and for your kids. it will be hard on all of you, but you have to do what you feel is right.
2006-06-05 19:10:47 · answer #6 · answered by kantriella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long do you want this dead weight around. He's got it good, a free ride. I think he could move out, take responsibility for his own life, stop teaching his kids how to get a free ride through life, and teach then about self respect.
As for yourself, don't you and your kids deserve better?
What kind of great father doesn't help around the house, shoulder responsibility, teach kids important lessons about being a good partner, how marriage should work, and how to be responsible?
2006-06-05 19:12:41 · answer #7 · answered by B'Dub 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Might be a good idea if you were the one who worked all day and he helped out around the house, but he doesn't even do that. He sounds worthless. I would divorce him. Your children won't be fooled later on, they may even resent you for contributing to an unhealthy family dynamic. Good luck.
2006-06-05 19:10:32 · answer #8 · answered by NA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My bf's parents are still married, but might as well be divorced. They stayed together in the same house for him, but he has a bedroom down upstairs and she has a bedroom upstairs. There's no romantic relationship there. They simply didn't want him going through the whole two household thing.
First, you need to talk it out with your husband and see what he's up for.
Good luck!
2006-06-05 19:09:48 · answer #9 · answered by Dreamer7787 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you are already divorced you can both have you own lives.you just have to share the bed and the responsibilities for the children so go ahead and enjoy your life.wait until the kids are old enough to know that you are divorced without being very hurt and then seperate totally
2006-06-05 19:08:57 · answer #10 · answered by chance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋