didn't want to go to AA or Anger Management or live apart, but wanted a second chance. I have been separated from my husband for nearly a year. I have not seen him in that time, only talked to him on the phone. I keep praying that he'll change, but he doesn't believe that he has a problem. He tells me that actions speak louder than words and him telling me he's changed means nothing, that I have to see his actions. Well we have kids and I don't want them to see him like this. If he refuses help do you stay with him or go find prince charming?
2006-06-05 15:56:59 · 39 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
second chance
2006-06-05 15:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by rjb2k6 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all there's two problems, he's an alcoholic, and he's physically abusive, very dangerous combination. One of those things would be bad enough but both of them are really not good. Don't put your kids through that. It's not fair to them to be brought up in an environment like that. And the fact that you mentioned that he doesn't believe he has a problem is another reason not to continue with this. Also, Prince Charming is only in the fairy tales, find someone who is sober, and will love, and respect you. But first give those things to yourself. After wards, you won't be confused about making the right choices for your life. Good luck!
2006-06-05 16:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stay with him. Once an abusive husband ALWAYS an abusive husband. Alcoholism isn't something that can be treated and then goes away. It is a lifetime of getting up each and every day and making the decision not to drink. Unfortuneately, alcoholics and drug users are selfish and don't quit even for the people who they want to live for. It's tough love, but you'll be doing all of you a favor keeping him at the curb. Don't rush out to find someone, women usually have a way of letting history repeat it'self and find the same "type" of man. Take your time and be extremely choosy.
2006-06-05 16:37:29 · answer #3 · answered by spitonapit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps this is arguing words, but why did he change if he didn't have a problem?
If he admits that he had a problem, then he needs to know why and what he did to correct it. I suggest talking to some counciler for yourself and if you do decide to give him a second chance, start with marraige counciling. If he refuses or says he doesn't need it, then it's time to move on.
Note, there is no such thing as prince charming. The next guy you find will be better or worse, not perfect.
2006-06-05 16:04:33 · answer #4 · answered by something 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is easier said than done, especially if you are still in love with him ...and also have children, but I think in your heart you must already know the answer to this question. You can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. Trust me, I've learned this the hard way. If your husband is not willing to seek help for himself, or at the very least to try to make changes and admit he has a problem to save your family...then hard as it may be...you need to move on for your own sanity, and the future of your children.
You are a role model for your kids. If you have a daughter and she witnesses this abuse, she will surely grow up thinking this is an acceptable way to be treated by a man...(hell, it was OK for her mom)...and if you have a son, he could end up behaving as his father does towards women in his life. Of course, none of this is certain...but are you willing to risk your childrens futures on that rare chance, all will be OK? If you can't do it for your own soul and self-esteem...at least do it for the kids, & in the process...you may end up not only getting your own self worth back...but may find your true "prince charming".
I am not one to preach....I am not religious or anything like that...but I am a 33yr old single mother, with a 10 year old son....so I know some of what I speak. My son is so much better off without all the fighting and negativety in his life. (His father hasnt been around for 6 years now.) I have a wonderful boyfriend now of 5 years...and we are getting engaged soon, and he adores my son as his own. No abuse. Please know that you and your children don't deserve to live a life of unhappiness with a man who can't even admit there is a problem. Stay strong, and at least think very hard about the consequenses of staying, if you do choose to go that route. Good luck.
2006-06-05 16:10:36 · answer #5 · answered by NYCaliGal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't accept that there's a problem -- then it's his problem and not yours. Don't go back to him, don't give him the opportunity to hurt you or your children again. The truly amazing thing about people who are addicted to alcohol is their ability to twist things around, so somehow, the problem is yours and not theirs. You don't need to see his actions -- you've seen them. What you need to do is evaluate the changes in your life since the separation. Are you happier and less fearful? Are the kids acting more like kids and less like mice? Because, when you look at the positive changes, it's an easy decision. Good luck!
2006-06-05 16:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by witchrhizu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what he tells you, no matter how often he repeats it, and no matter what you think you want to believe about him, know this: men like this do not change, ever. When you take him back, he will be great for a short while and then old habits will reappear. Bookmark this answer and make yourself a note to look at it again in eight months. I bet when you do, you'll have a black eye and a big debt to the bail bondsman.
Of course, you could also do the right thing and divorce him and right the ship of your life.
Good luck.
2006-06-05 16:05:02 · answer #7 · answered by jackmack65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've been separated for a year already, go ahead and take the next step to divorce him and get on with your life. Do it for your children's sake as well as your own. I have waited all of my life for my alcoholic father to change, but at 92 he still drinks! He went to AA, but he did not want to change. Even tho it is a "disease" you are not obligated to live your life that way. My sister and I both married alcoholics because that's what we were used to...I say get out while you can!
2006-06-05 16:07:21 · answer #8 · answered by bonbon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't want him to change, you made him the way he is, so you could be the good guy and he will be the bad guy. you are being the victim here. that justifies what you want. you left out one important part of your story, have you been seeing men while you are seperated? having sex? there is your motive. I bet he was your prince charming in the beginning. until you drove him to drinking. you want to elicit pity from your question to soothe your conscience. you get none here. I arrived at my conclusion by reading some of your other questions, it's like a little trail of deceit. you have kids, remember those are kids and not weapons to be used to gain a means to an end.
2006-06-05 16:04:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont look 4 prince charming cause he dont exist but leave the guy ur kids would b better off with nobody than to b with an alcoholic that seems 2 have an anger problem
2006-06-05 16:01:09 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here in Canada, if someone is a danger to themselves or others, they can be committed to a psychiatric facility for evaluation. The evaluation will determine whether or not they can be detained for further treatment. If you have him charged with assault, he might be forced to take anger management classes. You don't mention whether or not you love this man. Are you staying with him only because of the financial security? You don't mention children. Why not go back to school, get a decent job and get rid of him, unless you actually still love him?
2016-03-27 04:06:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋