He wanted the divorce - I still love him. Should I try to be friends with him - he wants us to be close friends? We have two kids, almost grown. I'm torn: One part of me wants to be friends another tells me that it wouldn't be good for me.
2006-06-05 14:28:41 · 22 answers · asked by Lotte T 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I find it very curious that a man wants to be "close friends" with the woman he chose to divorce.
It sounds like he wants his cake & eat it too . Of course you want to be friends with him ; you didn't want this divorce. Listen to the instinct that tells you it wouldn't be good for you .This has BAD VIBES . You deserve to meet a man you can be happy with; and that won't happen by being close with the man who divorced you .
2006-06-05 15:16:46 · answer #1 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think since you have kids, you will have to be at least moderate friends. However, i don't think it would be a good idea for you to be close friends with him because
1. you still love him (it will make it that much more difficult when and if he begins seeing someone else).
and 2. Having the ex so much in the picture could sabotage any future relationships you may want to try.
I have not been through a divorce, but my mom is in the same situation as you, only my dad has a 26 year old girlfriend. She maintains contact but is not close with him anymore. She says that that is a privilege and a trust that he broke and lost when he left.
2006-06-05 21:35:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex and I have been divorced since my oldest was 3, he is now 12. (you can do the math..lol) Anyway, we also have a child who is 10. The youngest lives with me, oldest with dad. I personally don't really like my ex, but the kids, think that I think he is a great person.
He has since re-married, and I've even babysat for his kids from his new marriage, went to BBQ's at his house with the ex in-laws believe it or not and just been a generally nice person.
One day recently, my youngest had to write in school, 10 things he is thankful to his dad for.... # 3 was "I'm thankful that you and my mom are friends".
That was all I needed to hear to know I'm doing the right thing.
Good luck!
2006-06-05 22:17:38 · answer #3 · answered by Emma <3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it would be nice to still be friends. the question is do you think you can be friends. if the divorce was ugly and there is much bitterness between the two of you, it will take some time. i'm going through a divorce, and right now i hate my wife. we have a two year old. civility is all i can afford her right now. friendship may take many years. it all depends on the reasons you're getting divorced and whether you have the capacity to see the goodness in each other.
2006-06-05 21:39:17 · answer #4 · answered by Thomas K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say, yes. If you can be friends after a divorce that's more then a lot can be said for half of divorces that end ugly. Especially if you have kids. I became really good friends with my ex husband after our divorce, and it made it that much easier to stick to our decision. Plus, your kids will appreciate seeing parents that can still love each other, instead of using them or making them choose between two hateful parents. If you decide to be friends, best of luck to you, and good choice!
2006-06-05 22:50:12 · answer #5 · answered by TwiggyJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel it is a good thing to remain friends especially for the kids sake... Close friends is another thing though and i do not really recommend that one. I dont feel you should be bitter and unforgiving towards each other in any way and you both should be forgiving as well!
2006-06-05 21:35:23 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes try to be freinds. It may take you awhile though. I know from experience, I wanted to be friends with my ex but was not able to be right away. We did eventually become friends and are good friends. He is remarried but we can still maintain a great freindship. We had a lot of memories together and it's hard to put that behind you. So try to be friends with him if possible.
2006-06-05 21:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by Lynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about you right now. Can you handle it. Think about what you want the relationship to be. Pray. Come to terms with what you can hadnle emotionally at this time. It may take time for you to grieve and heal before you can become friends.
2006-06-05 21:48:39 · answer #8 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay friendly for the sake of the kids. but do not become his friend. I tried it. It is sooo damn confusing when you still love someone. Draw a line to protect yourself.
2006-06-05 21:36:58 · answer #9 · answered by Gabrielle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay friendly beacuse of the kids but you need to have a little space for your own life.
2006-06-06 14:36:02 · answer #10 · answered by Tom H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋