What to do if your wife gains weight and you are no longer attracted to her?

Question

How would you handle it if your wife looks nothing like she did a year ago before you got married and she refuses to do anything about it and says I should love her for whats inside. I dont mean to sound selfish, but looks are important also. She has gained about 30 lbs, cut her hair short, and rarely wears makeup. I know this is very common as I have friends that are going through the same thing. My question is why is this such a common problem, and how do I handle it? sex life sucks.

Answer 1

Do a coworker or neighbor.

Answer 2

Well, the truth of the matter is that you should love her no matter how she looks. Did you think she would look the same forever? After being married for many years/kids/etc you can be assured that both you and your wife will not look the same.
Talk to her about it and tell her that you enjoy a physical lifestyle and enjoy being in shape. Do things together that will help keep both of you in shape - if you are doing it together it will be good for your relationship and your health. Tell your wife that you miss her getting dressed up - take her out once a week (or more) for a "date" - where you both get dressed up and go out for a nice evening.
You need to keep communication open with your wife and tell her how you feel, but you also need to love your wife no matter what - no matter what she looks like.

Answer 3

Since your marriage no one feels the same including yourself. Looks are important no matter how old or how long you have been married. It sounds like your wife has found what she has been looking for (you ) and thinks your there for long haul. She sounds like she is not happy. Yes I'm sure you love her but she is in denial or depression. If she has ask you to love her for what is in the inside, what is the inside? Get that girl motivated, have a date night, when she gets dressed and make up on make a big deal out of it. Treat her like a queen. Then maybe she will get the hint.

Answer 4

That is sad. I've gained weight and worry my hubby feels like you. He's never cut me down about it, but I do feel he couldn't possibly be attracted to me anymore, b/c I feel so yukky. I don't know what the answer is. I gained due to some meds I took after having a baby. I'm also lazy and depressed right now so I can't get my motivation in place. Your post makes me sad to think my hubby may feel the same way. Although we're fine in the bedroom dept for now anyway!

Answer 5

well if you are not in shape yourself, you do not have the right to feel that way toward her. but if your are a healthy person who takes care of your body then maybe you could use it to your advantage by suggesting daily workouts together or healthier diet for the both of you. you have to always include yourself even if you are in shape because women are sensitive and they don't know how to take constructive criticism. However, if you take care of yourself and you already suggested the above, then tell her that if you wanted a fat women who doesn't wear makeup you would have married one. If she still doesn't change, then tell her not to get mad when you stare at other females who look like she used to once upon of time. Besides, that baby-weight excuse is getting old quick, get ya a-s-s in the gym.

Answer 6

As a woman I would want to hear how you feel but put a little better. Incourage her to eat healthy and take care of herself. Compliment her and offer to pay for her to go to the beaty salon. I went through this myself where I not only got comfortable but I was a little depressed and needed encouragement. I'm telling you it's about how you say it so talk to her, and as far as sex woman need to feel wanted otherwise we can't connect enough to have sex. Maybe she is sensing that you are disgusted with her

Answer 7

looks do matter and they do help in what turns you on right? She may just be so comfy in your relationship and secure now that you're married and might not realize this is so negatively affecting your sex life. You should definately talk to her and tell her exactly what you said on here. Bluntness might just be all she needs. you don't have to hurt her feelings just let her know and if you truely love her and she loves you then communication is really going to get the ball rolling...

Answer 8

Remember you married your best friend (well at least I hope you did). There are obviously underlying issues at hand - ask your woman how you can help her... if she refuses to do anything and has hoodwinked you into marrying her... well, that's a different story. It is common I think because people get complacent. My man and I have been together for a loooonnnnnggggg time and we are happier than ever. He helps me. I help him. That's what friends are for isn't it?

Answer 9

Offer to exercise with her and help her to lose the weight. Are you thin and trim yourself? You should love her for who she is not what she looks like on the outside. She is right you should love her for what is inside just like she should love you for that as well. Try spicing up your bedroom life with her too. You obciously are not helping her self esteem any by doing this or saying these things to her... You need counseling too!

Answer 10

Are you TREATING her the same as before? make her feel the way she did when you were trying to snag her...ie..listen to her, make her feel important and from that she will want you to be happy. She will ACT like she did when you were first together..ie..move her booty a little more when she walks out of the room. she will make herself look nice for you by instinct as long as she feels important. If you're not attracted to her anymore, hook me up...lol jk

Answer 11

Go out walking with her at night, get a gym membership with her, join a pool ect....just try activites that she might like. Also maybe buy her a spa package....including a make over.