I have been friends with a guy for 3 years and we're both in our 30's. When we met, there was no romance involved and there never was. We both have stood by each other through trials and tribulations of the workplace, family and relationships, and whatever has come through our lives. At the latest, he met a girl whom he met a month ago. Two weeks later, he moved into her place. A week later, he proposed to her and she accepted. I never said anything to him, but was shocked at his behavior, since this was not like him. Today, I talked to him and he asked me what I thought. I said he was rushing things and he needs to take his time, since he has been married and divorced once, engaged again but the wedding never went through, and now he's in this current relationship. He said I was being insensitive and that I needed to understand where he was coming from. How can I when I think he's rushing things? I don't believe in quick love and told him that. Serious answers only please.
2006-06-05 13:08:52 · 11 answers · asked by camping_girl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I was not ordering him around... I was giving him my advice and honest opinion.
I am not chasing him... he is a friend and nothing more.
And I do not want a family. So do not think I want to be with him to start a family.
2006-06-05 14:10:39 · update #1
The fact that he asked for your opinion and then rejected it suggests that he is already feeling somewhat defensive and probably knows that he's headed down the trail of tears.
You can't convince him of this and the harder you try, the more he will resist. Instead, if you want to be friends with him, just ask him to tell you his story, and listen really intently. Through your listening and feeding back what you're getting about his experience, he might start to see how stupid he's being. It's not likely that he'll see that but it's possible, and it's all you can do.
The less you share an opinion, the more open he'll be with you. He wasn't looking for your opinion anyway, but instead was looking for your approval. You don't have to give that. The best you can do is really listen and help him to get a little elevation on his own experience.
By the way - and this is just my opinion here - this guy sounds like a tool.
2006-06-05 13:15:30 · answer #1 · answered by jackmack65 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He must not have the vision to look at things clearly. Pushing your opposition will only bring yo more problems. Let it be and insure him that you are his friend and will stick by him if things go wrong. The woman has rushed him for some reason and more than like it is not a good one. Time will tell the truth. Too bad guys become zombies if their buttons are pushed right. He will come out of it a changed man and having someone that cares around will help him lick the wounds that she will give him.
2006-06-05 13:14:13 · answer #2 · answered by old codger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, guys at 30's want a family like you do. but since he has fail in the past before does not mean he will fail again. you should ask yourself on how important this guy is to you. he is a good pal and stood by you a lot, but if he has the heart to walk out of the shadow, you should be happy for him. but if it ends up being bad again. just stand by him and that is all what friends are about.
Unless.....you are thinking of him more. maybe deep down you like him more than a friend or you want him to ask you out. i have a female like you to. i really like her and want to be with her. but things happen and i know she won't love me for who i am. this has nohting to with age and stuff, it.... just something in the middle. So i went out and found another girlfriend. which we are together for almost 3 years and talking about marriage. but back to you, if your friend really get married, where would you be? thinking of him or caring for him alone???rushing thing can be bad and good. just take a deep breath and think if this was you, what would he think? and how would he react.
I don't mean that you love him as boyfriend/girlfriend. but somewhere inside of you, you do want to keep this friend to yourself. i mean once he is marry, you would call him less and see him less. and he would call you less. right??
2006-06-05 13:20:54 · answer #3 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when its love you are not rushing things. you only live once and you never know where life will take you or how long you have. i met and married my husband in four months time. we have been together now for a little over 4 years and we still are in love and acting like newly weds. if you catch my drift. You have the right to your oppoin and your only looking out for him, but he has a right to be in love. Tell him that you are happy for him and be there for him, if things don't work out don't tell him i told you so, hold his hand instead. Your a good friend, but he needs you to be there for him.
2006-06-05 13:15:07 · answer #4 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can't be subjective because you may feel rejected by him because he didn't develop the same relationship with you as he has with this woman. Tell yourself how you really feel about him. If you don't love him romantically...then you have to support him in his happiness and be there for him if it goes wrong for him. Maybe you have not seen him in love before and this is why his behaviour is unexpected. Get to know the other woman before you judge the relationship. They know what they want and apparently have found it. Be strong for him and value your friendship enough to let him go for it with his best friends (you) support. good luck
2006-06-05 13:18:34 · answer #5 · answered by toe poe gee gee oh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is weird but I had the same kind of scenario happen with my friend. he met a girl and proposed in one week. used the money he owed me to buy her gifts and the ring. we were friends for over 13 yrs. I was giving him a place to stay when no one would take him in. he met her and was love struck. forgot all about me and our friendship. he then had his gf attack me verbally about the money. I then decided to end the friendship with him. I agree with you. like the song says: ONLY FOOLS RUSH IN.
2006-06-05 13:17:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly, some men can be like that. The only thing you can do it seems, is stand by him as his friend. We can only learn by our own mistakes. Some need to make the same mistake more than once to learn it. He sounds like he could be one of them.
It's a difficult position for you to be in, I have been there myself.
good luck
2006-06-05 13:15:30 · answer #7 · answered by googlywotsit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm, looks like you're in emotional trouble...look girl, firstly, stop chasing a man who is emotional and makes wrong choices, or shud i say, committing easily and not acting pricy. Remember, the man who plans properly and chooses his carreer/wife/life properly, has a good vision abt his life and can be a 'giver' and a responsible 'breadwinner' for you. Dont go behind an already lost in life character like him.
2006-06-05 13:14:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't get angry!!!!!!!But when you gave your opinion were you giving it like an order or advice.If he is still angry you need to tell him that you understand and care about him,as a friend,and he don't want to see him get hurt by someone.
2006-06-05 13:52:54 · answer #9 · answered by movin12006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i guess u did the right thing..but try to listen to him and solve the problem.and show him that nothing is so easy as he is thinking.........he needs to think about himself.......good luck!
2006-06-05 13:20:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋