煩請幫忙校正一下英文

Question

這次期末考要用的
我先自己想一下,但也只能寫出一些皮毛...
結果老師說最好先請人操刀
她覺得我可以更好
以下是我的原稿,希望可以幫我看看
寫的不好請指教...
覺得不錯的送10點~

我小時候跟我爺爺很親近
I was closed with my grandfather I was a child.
如果我放長假,我都會回去爺爺家
If I had long vacations,I will go back to grandfather's home.
我爺爺很愛我
My grandfather loves dearly me very much.
如果我想吃什麼,他都會買給我
If I wanted to eat anything,he will buy to me.
總之,他是我最珍惜的家人之一
In a word, he is one of my most cherished family.
但是上了高中之後,因為課業繁忙,變的不能常常回去
But after the high school,because of the relation of lesson,it become unable to often go back.
今年九月的某一天晚上,當我跟我朋友剛吃完晚餐的時候我爺爺打給我
One evening in September of this year,my grandfather called me while I just eating up dinners with my friend.
對話中都是他關心我的事情,但那時候我只想掛掉電話
What he said is full of caring about me, but I only wanted to hang the telephone up at that time.
所以我沒有很認真的跟他聊
So I have not chatted with him conscientiously.
幾天後,我接到我媽媽打給我的電話,她說爺爺被人送去醫院了
In a few days, I received the telephone that my mother called me and she said that my grandfather has been sent to the hospital.
醫生說是肺癌
The doctor said it is lung cancer.
但那時候學校正要考期中考,所以我沒有時間去看他
But it just took a school midterm at that time, I had no time to see my grandfather.
幾天後我爺爺就過世了
After a few days,my grandfather passed away.
這真的太讓人難以接受了
The thing is really too unexpected.
我真的很後悔那天晚上沒有跟他好好聊天
I really regreted I did not exchange a few words of greetings with him that night.

Jenn,☆ ╮叛逆∞庭╭☆ ,阿富 的都不錯,但跟我理想中的還是不太一樣>"

Answer 1

I used to be close with my grandpa. I liked to visit grandpa on weekend and holiday. He loved me very much that he often bought me what I wanted. I love him too.

After I attended to the high school, I had a lot of thing to do for school and I seldom went to see him.
It was the night in this September, after having dinner with my friends, my grandpa called me. Every words he said was his being concerned of me, but I hesitated to get through. I just answered him politely without chatting with him more.

Not a few days later, my mom called me and told me grandpa was in the hospital.
The doctor tols us that my grandpa got a lung cancer.
No more than a few days, grandpa passed away.

I can't accept that.

I regret that I haven't paid enough attention while chatting with him .

2007-12-30 00:34:56 補充：
漏掉這句


但那時候學校正要考期中考,所以我沒有時間去看他

I was too busy studying for mid-term to see him.

2007-12-30 00:36:20 補充：
讓發問者自己決定

Answer 2

第一位Jenn大大修改得最好，我建議用她的吧
但是要注意時態喔，全部的動詞都要用過去式才行

Answer 3

I was closed with my grandfather I was a child.

=> I was closed with my grandfather when I was a child.

If I had long vacations,I will go back to grandfather's home.

=> I always go to grandfather's home if I have a long vacation.

My grandfather loves dearly me very much.

My grandfather loves me very much.

He will buy anything for me if I would like to eat it.

However, He is the most cherishest of the one of my family.

I don't back often as the homework is heavy from I'm a high school student.

My grandfather called me when I was dinner with my friends in the one of this September.

All of his talking is take card of me, but I was just thinking to hand off.

So I was not serious to talk to him by telephone conversation.

My mother called me and she told me that grandfather is in the hospital.

Doctor told us that it is the cancer of lung.

As it is the school midterm test then so that I had no time to visit him.

My grandfather died after few days.


It is indeed not accepted by us for this unexpected matter.


I'm really regreted that I didn't chat well with him.

Answer 4

我小時候跟我爺爺很親近
I in childhood very much was intimate with with my grandfather.
如果我放長假,我都會回去爺爺家
If I put the long vacation, I all can go back grandfather the family.
我爺爺很愛我
這句很好
如果我想吃什麼,他都會買給我
If I want to eat any, he can buy for me
總之,他是我最珍惜的家人之一
In brief, he is one of family members which I most treasures
但是上了高中之後,因為課業繁忙,變的不能常常回去
But after on high school, because the schoolwork is busy, changes
cannot frequently go back
今年九月的某一天晚上,當我跟我朋友剛吃完晚餐的時候我爺爺打給我
This September some day evening, when I just finished eating with my
friend supper time I grandfather hit for me.
對話中都是他關心我的事情,但那時候我只想掛掉電話
In the dialogue all is he cares about my matter, but that time I only
want to make the telephone call.
幾天後,我接到我媽媽打給我的電話,她說爺爺被人送去醫院了
After several days, I receive my mother to hit for mine telephone, she
said grandfather is sent to by the person the hospital.
醫生說是肺癌
Doctor said is the lung cancer.
但那時候學校正要考期中考,所以我沒有時間去看他
這句很好
幾天後我爺爺就過世了
After several days my grandfather passed away
我真的很後悔那天晚上沒有跟他好好聊天
I really very much regretted that day evening well has not chatted
with him.
這真的太讓人難以接受了
This really too let the person accept with difficulty.
好多喔

Answer 5

我小時候跟我爺爺很親近
I was close with my grandfather when I was a child.
如果我放長假,我都會回去爺爺家
When I had long holidays,I wentback to grandfather's home.
我爺爺很愛我
My grandfather loves me very much.
如果我想吃什麼,他都會買給我
If I wanted to eat anything,he will buy them for me.
總之,他是我最珍惜的家人之一
All in all, he is one of my most cherished family member.
但是上了高中之後,因為課業繁忙,變的不能常常回去
But since high school,because of my busy schedule,it became hard for me to go back.
今年九月的某一天晚上,當我跟我朋友剛吃完晚餐的時候我爺爺打給我
One night in September of this year,my grandfather called me while I was having dinner with my friend.
對話中都是他關心我的事情,但那時候我只想掛掉電話
What he said is full of caring about me, but I only wanted to hang the telephone up at that time.
所以我沒有很認真的跟他聊
So I have not chatted with him conscientiously.
幾天後,我接到我媽媽打給我的電話,她說爺爺被人送去醫院了
A few days later, I received the call from my mother that my grandfather has been takent to the hospital.
醫生說是肺癌
The doctor said it was lung cancer.
但那時候學校正要考期中考,所以我沒有時間去看他
But I was taking a midterm at that time, I had no time to see my grandfather.
幾天後我爺爺就過世了
After a few days,my grandfather passed away.
這真的太讓人難以接受了
It was all too unexpected.
我真的很後悔那天晚上沒有跟他好好聊天
I really regreted I did not exchange a few words of greetings with him that night.