急!!10點!簡單幾則笑話的翻譯!

Question

麻煩看得懂的人幫我翻譯一下!!
謝謝你!!

The city slicker
A fellow owned a big ranch down in south Texas. His sister and her city-slicker husb and came to visit. Trying to impress the city dude, the rancher took him to a large porch at the rear of the house. He pointed toward the horizon and said, “I can drive all day in that direction and never get to the property line.”
“I know what you mean,” replied the city slicker. “I used to have a car like that, too.”

More shorties
The blacksmith was instructing a novice in the way to treat a horseshoe. “I’ll bring the shoe from the fire and lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, but he never hit a blacksmith again!

A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. “Are you hiring any help?” She asked.
“No,” he said. “We already have all the staff we need.”
“Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?” she asked.

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a farmer twenty dollars to pull him out with his tractor. He said to the farmer, ”At those prices, I should think you’d be pulling people out of the mud day and night.”
“Can’t. At night I haul water for the hole.”

A farmer was passing the insane asylum with a load of fertilizer. An inmate called through the fence. “What are you hauling?”
“Fertilizer,” replied the farmer.
“What are you going to do with it?”
“Put it on my strawberries.”
“And we put cream on ours, and they say we’re crazy,” the inmate countered.

Answer 1

都市騙子
一位老兄在德州南方擁有一座大牧場。有一天他的姊姊與他從都市來的丈夫來拜訪他。為了讓這個都市來的老兄對他刮目相看，牧場主人帶他去房子前面的大前廊。他向前指著地平線說：「我可以向那個方向一直開車，卻永遠開不到我的牧場邊界。」「我知道你的意思。」都市男人說，「我以前也有一部這樣的車。」(意思就是他的車大到牧場邊界)

更多矮子
鐵匠正在指導一個新手如何做馬蹄鐵。「我將要從火中拿出馬蹄鐵並放在鐵鉆上，當我點”頭”，你就用這榔頭打”它”。」這個學徒照他所說的做了，但是他以後再也不打鐵匠了！(這樣應該懂了吧，學徒打了頭)

一個女人走上去對百貨公司的經理說：「你要僱用幫手嗎？」經理回答：「不，我們所需的職位都滿了。」女人問：「那麼你能不能找到人為我服務呢？」(懂嗎？女人不滿沒有人服務她，才問經理是不是缺人手)

一個騎士陷在路上的泥淖中，所以付了20美金給一個農夫請他用拖曳機拉他出來。他對農夫說：「以這樣的價錢，我想你會日夜不分的把人們從泥淖中拖出來吧？」農夫回答：「喔不行，晚上我要忙著用水填洞。」(路上的泥巴和水是農夫故意製造，讓騎士陷入的)

一個農夫開著滿載肥料的車經過一家精神病收容所，一個病患隔著柵欄問他：「你拖著什麼東西？」農夫回答：「肥料。」「那是要做什麼的？」「要放在我的草莓上。」病患回說：「那我們在草莓上放奶油，為什麼要叫我們瘋子？」

呵呵，都挺好笑的啊

Answer 2

城市老狐狸

一個小子擁有南德州有一個大牧場. 他姊姊與城市老狐狸的姊夫來找他. 為了巴結都市佬, 一個牧場長工帶他到大房子的門廊. 他用手指著地平線說, " 我可以開一整天的車, 還是在我的土地上."
"我懂你意思" 都市老滑頭回答" 我可以用那----種車子."


另一則

鐵匠正在教一個很菜的菜鳥如何打馬蹄鐵. 我會把"鞋子"在鐵鉆上. 我點頭的時候, 你就用鐵鎚用力敲上去.
這個學徒真的照著他的話做, 居然不會 再 敲到這個鐵匠.

一個女人跟著百貨公司經理後面, 問到,"你需要助手嗎?"
" 免啦, " 經理回答," 我門已經有人了."
" 那麼你會在意叫人等我嗎?"

有一個司機, 開車子陷入泥沼的路面上, 拿20塊錢叫一個農夫用他的耕耘機把他的車子拖起來.
"照這個價錢, 我該謝謝你把人從早到晚吊出泥巴路."
" 不行, 晚上我還要把水推進坑裡."

有一個農夫載著滿車的肥料, 經過精神病院時. 一個精神病人頭探出圍牆喊著, " 你在 拖 甚麼? "
農夫說, " 肥料"
" 你要拿它幹甚麼?"
" 給我的草莓施肥"
" 那麼我們會在我們的草莓上面塗奶油, 然後它們會說我們瘋了." 精神病患邊說邊數著.