有誰可以幫我改一下這篇英文作文嗎？

Question

My Favorite Place
My favorite place to relax is a well-lit, comfortable and big living room. When you open the lavender front door, you will be caught sight of the large French window ending the living room. It’s almost three times wider than the front door that the sun can illuminate every corner of the living room in the day time. I like to stand in front of the French window, admiring the beautiful scenery as the sun going set. I also like to sit at the cream-colored sofa to the right of the living room that adjoining the French window. When I sit at the sofa, I can feel the wind bellowing my cheek gently. While the dark is coming, I don’t afraid the living room is not as beacon as day. Because there is a big European style droplight which has six lamp bulbs that suspending from in the middle of the snow-white ceiling. Every time I light up the lamps it is bright such as the day. To the left of the living room, there is a good-sized Liquid Crystal Display TV putting on the wooden TV table. It is a wonder time after a meal of over a cup of tea, sitting at the soft sofa and turning on the TV, watching some TV programs.
以上是此次小女子寫的英文作文內容，老師這次著重的重點在於形容詞及介系詞的使用，這課是加強如何形容一個地方、人、事、物。此各位英文超強的大大，幫我看一下我寫的內容。我是覺得我描述的順序性（sequence）與及連貫性（coherence）似乎不太好，concluding sentence 也很爛，請英文好的大大幫我改一下吧！謝謝喔！

謝謝joanna大大！
被你講的我蠻心虛的，因為我篇文章寫的很趕
寫完後也沒有很用心去訂定，
可能也是因為自己寫的關係，
老是找不到問題點。
只覺得不太順暢而已。


非常感謝您花那麼多的時間幫我訂正！^^

Answer 1

My favorite place is the well-wit, comfortable and big living room in which I can relax. The first sight I cathch when I open the lavender front door is the large French window. It is almost three times wider than the fornt door which allow the sunlight to brighten every corner of the living room during daytime. I like to stand in front of the French window and admire the beautiful scenery during sunset. I also like to sit down on the cream-colored sofa that is located at the right side of the living room, and feel the gentle wind blowing on my cheek. I am not very afraid as the night comes because a big European style droplight with six bulbs that is suspended from the snow-white ceiling provides me light in the living room. The living room is as bright as in daytime when I turn on the lamp. Located in the left side of the living room is a huge digital TV set on a wooden table. It is a pleasure to have a cup of tea while watching TV after having a meal. I really enjoy the time I spend in the living room.






一些comment on your essay:
整體來說你的essay很不錯,讀者能夠了解你想表達的意思. 可是有些句子跟單字的用法不是很通順.

For example: we don't usually use "illuminate" to describe sunlight, it is mainy used to described moonlight.

一些English usage的問題:
ex. sunset是名詞, 不能說the sun going set.

一開始point of view要一致:
第一句用my,後面就要consitantly用第一人稱, 不能突然跳到第二人稱"you," it's confusing.

最後就是一些句子順序的問題. 看的出來是用中文說法直接翻譯過去英文. 要注意有時候英文用法是跟中文顛倒. 盡量避免使用逗點, 容易導致fragment and run-on sentence. 想辦法把長的句子break down, 把短的句子合併. 恩...大概就這樣^ ^

我覺得你的conclusion其實不錯, 只是還缺一句definite statement, 最好是能在最後一句話提到你的主題: the living room in this case.

希望有幫到你~XD

Answer 2

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Answer 3

My Favorite Place
My favorite place I can relax myself is the bright, comfortable and spacious living room. When I open the front door with fragrance of lavender , I will caught sight of the large French window stretching to the living room, triple size as the front door. Brilliant sunshine lights every where, every corner in the living room during the day time.
I like to stand by the French window, staring at the beautiful view of sunset. I also like to sit into the cream-colored sofa placed at the right of the living room next to the French window. While I am sitting on the sofa, breeze bellows over my cheeks gently.
When the dark curtain is falling, I won't be afraid. Splenid chandlier decorated with bunchs and bunchs of chrystal slinging beneath the ivory colored ceiling is going to light the room as bright as day time. There is a enough screen size LCD ( liquid chrystal display) TV put on the low counter made of hi-tech nano material.
Of cause, I always have a great time. After having a good dinner, I sit into the leather cream colored sofa, turn the TV on, and watch my favorite program, my super hero, Anorld Schwarzinger is on.

2007-12-13 06:56:11 補充：
我的興趣是英文寫作.