請幫我看我的cover letter 謝謝!!! 20點

Question

基本上這個是會在104人力銀行要面試大公司時用的!!
請幫我看有沒有要修字或語句或加什麼句子的地方
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Dear Sir/Madam,
Following the advertisement on the 104, I am writing this letter to apply for the Sales Representative in Chungli .

I graduated from XXXX with a BS degree in Information Management in 2003. I'm an outgoing person, and I like interacting with other people.

My previous job was a computer engineer but I have a lot of chances to communicate with people. I love this kind of job so I wonder that I can do a work like your company offer!

I hope to have the pleasure of your granting me an interview.
Sincerely yours,

XXXX(name)

喔喔 我標題和內容的點數不太一點
剛選錯了!!!
因為不能改贈送點數 只能贈十點了 請包含!!!!!!

Answer 1

Dear Sir/Madam,





In response to the advertisement on the 104, I am writing this letter to express my interest in the Sales Representative in Chungli.





I graduated from XXXX with a BS degree in Information Management in 2003. I am an outgoing person and a team player who interacts well with others.





My previous experience as a computer engineer required frequent communication and cooperation with others, which I enjoyed very much. I am hardworking and knowledgeable. I believe that I can be a valuable asset to your company.





I am requesting an interview and I hope to hear from you soon.





Sincerely yours,





XXXX(name)

Answer 2

基本上 這樣的文字缺乏說服力
這個和早上說早安 晚上說再見
有什麼不一樣地方 稀鬆平常ㄚ
只能說"看得懂"但不值得"挖"覺
何不看一看其他人的問答 然後
就你所須來發問比較有幫忙ㄝ

Answer 3

以下是我個人認為應修改的地方


My previous job was a computer engineer but I have a lot of chances to communicate with people.

---> 把 have 改為 had, 因您說的是您在擔任 computer engineer 時候的事



I love this kind of job so I wonder that I can do a work like your company offer!

(改法A)
I love this kind of job, so I wonder whether I can get a job like what your company offers.

原因
(1) wonder 後面如果加 that 子句, 是表示對 that 子句說的內容感到驚訝, 按您的說法, 應該用 wonder whether 子句
(2) work 不可數
(3) 不要說 do a job, 這樣會看起來好像您自己在懷疑自己的工作能力
(4) like 後面改為名詞子句 what your company offers. 要不然, 改為名詞片語 your company's offer 也行


(改法B)
I love this kind of job, so I would like very much to get a job like what your company offers.

原因
直接說 I would like very much to get a job....很明白表達您的意願與企圖心 ( 建議用這個說法 )




I hope to have the pleasure of your granting me an interview.

---> 把 pleasure 改為 honor





祝您順利喔!!






(end)

Answer 4

寫的很好~可以去當英文作家囉~加油吧!!!沒有什麼需要修改跟加辭的 你寫的非常好!!!!!