短短的口述英文自傳

Question

麻煩幫我看一下
我的語法或者是內容有沒有錯的
還是說我還可以加些什麼
謝謝各位
是面試時說的

My name is Mindy.
I’m eighteen years old this year.
There are five people in my family. Including my parents, my brother and sister.
My father is a Taxi driver and my mom’s job is service trades.
I graduated from National Tam-Shui Vocational High School.
My interest is listen to popular music.
And I hope very much can enter to Jinmen University of Science and Technology.
Let me to learn much knowledge.
Thank you.

My father is a Taxi driver and my mom’s job is service trades.
service trades
爸媽的職業

還是我可以寫中文
麻煩幫我改成英文

Answer 1

My name is Mindy.

I’m eighteen years old (this year).
( )的地方可省略

There are five people in my family. (Including) my parents, my brother and sister.
這句可以改成There are five people in my family.They are my father.mother .brother.sister and me.

My father is a Taxi driver and my mom’s job is service trades.
service trades 你要表達的是什麼

I graduated from National Tam-Shui Vocational High School.
這句可以

My interest is listen to popular music.
改成I am interested in listening to music

And I hope very much can enter to Jinmen University of Science and Technology.
改成 And I hope I can enter Jinmen University of Science and Technology very much.

Let me to learn much knowledge.
改成 Let me learn much knowledge.

Thank you.

Answer 2

My name is Mindy.My father is a Taxi driver and my mom is working at service business.I graduated from National Tam-Shui Vocational High School. listenning to popular music is My favorite. And I hope to attend Jinmen Science and TechnologyUniversity in order to learn more knowledge.