自己的英文翻譯,煩請看是否有誤

Question

打從孩提時代,我就受到鼓勵自力更生.而且,因為出生貧窮之家,我早就學會財務及情感上的獨立.我曾經考不上高中入學考試.因此,我白天送報紙而晚上上補習班.我比以前更努力希望能進入高中.我的努力終於有好結果.

Since I was little,I have been encouraged to be independent.Born in a poor family,I had to deal with financial problems and control a feeling of affection on my own.I once failed the high school entrance exam;therefore,I got a part-time job of delivering paper during the daytime and went to the cramschool during nighttime.My wish to get into high school makes me work harder than I used to.Finally,it paid off.

#麻煩大大能否幫我看是否有表達不順之地方
或是時態錯誤,中式英文等
麻煩了^^_

Answer 1

Since I was little,I was constantly encouraged by others so I learned to be independent long ago.Born in a poor family,I had no choice but to deal with financial problems and to control my own feelings.
I once failed the high school entrance examination. In order to have a comeback, I found myself a part-time job delivering news paper in the daytime so I would be able to attend the cramschool at the nighttime.
My desire to receive education makes me work harder than everbefore. Finally,it paid off. I was admitted by a high school and that is why I would be able to stand tall here telling you my story. Hopefully, my story will inspire some of you to know who you are and what you are going to be.
事實上您所寫的內容可以看得懂, 但因為語句的通順上, 以用字的技巧上造成了您在段落間沒有很明顯的分段, 所以憑自己的個人看法替您加上(也同時去掉)了一些字, 我相信這樣讀起來應會更順一些才對!
加油囉!

Answer 2

感謝大大建議,小弟一向虛心接受指教
有什麼建議請盡量跟小弟說,小弟會十分感激.
不過Pay off應為主動用法,非被動用法,這邊所指非"付賬''
而是"所努力得到回報''
如"Teamwork pays off''----(合作努力得到回報)

2007-03-31 07:34:59 補充：
客氣了,以後務必多多指教^_^

Answer 3

你的英文很不錯，別擔心啊。兩個回答的高手都很肯定你。我只有小小幾點建議。標點符號的使用，逗點(comma)和句點(period)後面，請記得按一個space鍵空一格。My wish + to V當主詞，有點怪，改成My wish of going to high school感覺比較好。人 pay off 帳單 -->帳單 be paid off by 人，所以，改成it was paid off. 一點點建議，還望您別介意。

2007-03-31 06:16:36 補充：
原來是這樣的，真不好意思，我是直接看英文下來 ，沒有對照你的中文，傷腦筋>_<

2007-04-01 13:51:24 補充：
不好意思，我現在才發現您的回話。您客氣了，我們一起相互學習吧^_^~也請多多指教。

Answer 4

cramschool應該是cram school吧。

My wish to get into high school makes me work harder than I used to.
應該是：
My wish to get into high school ^^made^^ me work harder than I ^^had^^.

其他沒有問題。反而有一種美感。這篇演講除了達到introduction的目的外。也有達到一些inspiration。相當難能可貴。因為這是
C手冊第10單元才能達到的目標。你現在應該是C1 Speech的Ice-Breaker吧。

2007-03-26 17:08:03 補充：
樓上的，人家只是在做自我介紹。你把她的演講稿改得像博士在教訓小孩。
inspire這個東西貴在意在言外。當你口中說出inspire,其實已經不是inspire而是motivate了。這樣容易造成聽眾的反感。尤其是新進者就開口教訓人，更令前輩反感。您英文很好，但是說話也要看場合啊。而發問者他已經做得很好了。