請幫忙修正我的英文作文

Question

請大家幫我檢查一下我英文演講稿的文法問題，謝謝。
我希望可以口語一點，越通順越好。

Hello, everyone.
哈囉，大家。
Now I am gonna share the wonderful experience with all of you.
現在我將要和你們分享我美好的經驗。
These photos were taken on December second.
這些照片攝於12月2號。
Does anyone know what the special on that day?
有人知道那天有什麼特別的嗎？
（或者幫我翻成「有人知道那天是什麼日子嗎？」）
That day is just the so-called “Simple Life Festival”.
那天正是所謂的簡單生活節。
It took place in Taipei Hua-shan, and I went to there by train with my senior.
它在台北華山舉行，我和學長搭著火車一起去。
After leaving the train station, we almost got lost in this crowded city.
離開車站以後，我們差點在這擁擠的城市迷路。
Happily, we still discovered the correct way to the entrance.
很高興地，我們還是找到了通往入口正確的路。
As we entered in, everyone was asked to wear the wrist belt.
進去的時候，每個人都要戴上手環。
（手環的英文是什麼？wrist belt是我亂翻的。還有動詞用wear還是tie？）
I think it just symbolized the admission of eight hundred dollars.
我想它正好象徵了八百元的入場費。
Fortunately enough, we didn’t miss Cheer.
She was rehearsing on the Sky Stage that time.
很幸運地，我們沒有錯過在天空舞台排練的綺貞。
（這句話可以照字面來翻嗎？就是濃縮成一句）
Cheer is Qi-Zhen Chen, and I think you all have heard of her.
Cheer就是陳綺貞，我想你們應該都有聽過她。
She was also the purpose of we traveled out this time.
她也是我們這次出來旅行的目的。
After we rambled around so many pitchmen, the following was to wait for the singers and bands’ performances.
逛過許多攤販後，接著便是等待歌手和樂團的表演。
One who made the first appearance on the stage was a band, Sodagreen!
首先出場的是一個樂團，蘇打綠！
I admired the vocalist Qing-Feng’s softy tone very much, and A-Gong’s special dancing made me laugh.
我喜歡主唱青峰嬌柔的唱腔，還有阿龔特別的舞姿令我大笑。
Sodagreen perked up a feverish ambiance.
蘇打綠樂團炒熱了現場的氣氛。
Next was the program from Pata, he was a handsome man good at playing guitar.
接下來是來自Pata的表演，他是一個很會吉他的帥氣男子。

Answer 1

Hello, everyone.
哈囉，大家。
I like to share my wonderful experience with you.
現在我將要和你們分享我美好的經驗。
These photos were taken on December second this year.
這些照片攝於今年的12月2號。
Does anyone know what this day is?
有人知道那天是什麼日子嗎？
It's the day of Simple Life Festival.
那天正是所謂的簡單生活節。
It took place in Taipei Hua-shan, so I went there with my senior by train .
它在台北華山舉行，我和學長搭著火車一起去。
Taipei is a crowded big city. We almost got lost at the train station.
離開車站以後，我們差點在這擁擠的城市迷路。
Luckly, we still found our way out and get to the festival on time.
很高興地，我們還是找到了通往入口正確的路。

The admission was eight hundred dollar per person and everyone got a wrist band as the prove of admission. The wrist band had to be wear at all time while in the festival.
進去的時候，每個人都要戴上手環。(wrist band)
When we enter, the Cheer were rehearsing on the Sky Stage. I was lucky to watch their rehearsal before the show.
很幸運地，我們沒有錯過在天空舞台排練的綺貞。
Cheer is Qi-Zhen Chen, and I think you all have heard of her.
Cheer就是陳綺貞，我想你們應該都有聽過她。
She was the purpose of our trip to Taipie . We travel all the way just want to see her performance.
她也是我們這次出來旅行的目的。
We rambled through the festival and await for the performances of singers and bands.
逛過許多攤販後，接著便是等待歌手和樂團的表演。
Sodagreen is first performer on stage.
首先出場的是一個樂團，蘇打綠！
I admired the vocalist Qing-Feng's soft tone very much, and A-Gong's special dancing made me laugh.
我喜歡主唱青峰嬌柔的唱腔，還有阿龔特別的舞姿令我大笑。
Sodagreen perked up a feverish ambiance.
蘇打綠樂團炒熱了現場的氣氛。
Pata was the second one, he is a handsome man plays great guitar.
接下來是來自Pata的表演，他是一個很會吉他的帥氣男子。

Answer 2

Hello, everybody.
哈囉，大家。
Now I'd like to share my wonderful experience with (all of) you.
現在我將要和你們分享我美好的經驗。
These photos were taken on December second.
這些照片攝於12月2號。
Does anyone know that what's so special about that day?
有人知道那天有什麼特別的嗎？
That day is ,so-called,the Simple Life Festival.
那天正是所謂的簡單生活節。
It was taken place in Hua-Shan,Taipei .I went there by train with my senior.
它在台北華山舉行，我和學長搭著火車一起去。
After leaving the train station, we almost got lost in the crowded city.
離開車站以後，我們差點在這擁擠的城市迷路。
Happily, we still found the right way to the entrance.
很高興地，我們還是找到了通往入口正確的路。
As we entered , everyone was asked to wear the bracelet.
進去的時候，每個人都要戴上手環。
（enter 不與 in 或 into 連用,它本身已有進入的意思）

bracelet
KK: [
圖片參考：http://tw.yimg.com/i/tw/dictionary/pic/039.gif
]
DJ: [
圖片參考：http://tw.yimg.com/i/tw/dictionary/pic/039.gif
]

n. (名詞 noun)[C]
手鐲;臂鐲
She wore huge bracelets on her wrists.
她手腕上戴著大手鐲。
【口】手銬[P]

I guess it is just for the admission of eight hundred dollars.
我想它正好抵了八百元的入場費。

Fortunately,we didn't miss Cheer's rehearsal on the Sky Stage.
很幸運地，我們沒有錯過在天空舞台排練的綺貞。

Cheer is the English name for Qi-Zhen Chen.I suppose you have heard of her.
Cheer就是陳綺貞，我想你們應該都有聽過她。

She was also our (main) purposes for this trip.
她也是我們這次出來旅行的目的。

After rambling around so many roadside stands, we were waiting for the performances of the singers and bands.
逛過許多攤販後，接著便是等待歌手和樂團的表演。

One who made the first appearance was a band called Sodagreen!
首先出場的是一個樂團，蘇打綠！

I enjoyed the vocalist Qing-Feng's soft aria very much.A-Gong's special dancing style made me laugh so loud.
我喜歡主唱青峰嬌柔的唱腔，還有阿龔特別的舞姿令我大笑。

The crowd was perked up by the band,Sodagreen.
蘇打綠樂團炒熱了現場的氣氛。

The following program was presented by Pata who was a handsome man and a good guitar player.
接下來是來自Pata的表演，他是一個很會吉他的帥氣男子。