可以幫我看英文文法有錯嗎?

Question

My mother gives me a puppy.It is my birthday present when I was 10 years old . One day , I played frisbee with my puppy in the park . Unfortunately , my puppy lose in the park . I was very worried . I looked for it in the park for a long time. suddenly , My puppy bolted out of the forest and I was so happy because my puppy went back my side.

可以請大大幫我看一下哪文法哪裡有錯嗎?
有什麼地方需要改進的呢!!~~(要參加英檢的我)

Answer 1

My mother GAVE me a puppy. It WAS my birthday present when I was 10 years old. One day, I played frisbee with my puppy in the park. Unfortunately, my puppy GOT LOST in the park. I was very worried AND looked for it in the park for a long time. Suddenly, my puppy bolted out of the forest and I was so happy because my puppy CAME back to ME.

作者述说着过往的事情所以应该用过去式 (past tense)　的文法。
give (present tense) = gave (past tense)
is (present tense) = was (past tense)
lose (present tense) = lost (past tense)
为什么不写　my puppy　WAS lost in the park 而是　my puppy GOT LOST in the park 呢？　

WAS lost in the park 有着主人把小狗遗失的含意。
GOT LOST in the park　则是小狗（自己）走失的意思。

I was very worried . I looked for it in the park for a long time.
写英语文章要切记尽量把句子连接起来以达到更为顺畅的效果。单写　I was very worried . 似乎让读者等待一些什么事似的。　作者担心些什么呢？要表达的是因为担心所以就找了很久，因此要把两个句子以　and 连接。

went back my side 的意思是　回去我身边。在这里则应该是　回到我身边。所以是 came back. 虽然说　came back to MY SIDE 是正确的　但 came back to ME 更能表达小狗回到怀抱的意思，比起回到身边更为表达主人的喜悦。

希望帮上你的忙。英检成功哦！

2006-11-27 10:52:24 補充：
I played frisbee with my puppy in the park。应该是I WAS PLAYING frisbee in the park.WAS PLAYING 是说当时正在玩。　动词＋ING = 正在进行当中。而WAS　是代表过去式。

Answer 2

My mother gave me a puppy as a present on my tenth birthday. One day, when I was playing frisbee with him(her) in the park, he(she) got lost. I was so worried that I searched the whole park for several hours. Suddenly, he(she) just bolted out from the forest. I was so happy that he(she) came back.

你寫的很不錯啦！只是有些句子可以簡化，不然就會變成run-on sentences嚕。在你的文章哩，你用it來代表你的小狗。但是你也可以用he or she，看狗狗的性別。"For a long time"我改成 "for several hours"，我覺得這樣感覺比較對！=] 最後一句有點中式英文唷。"我很高興他回到我身邊"的英文是"I was so happy that he(she) came back. "。"went back my side"= not a good English grammar.

Answer 3

幫你修一下:
My mother gave me a puppy as my birthday present when I was 10 years old.
One day, I was playing frisbee with my puppy. Unfortunately, my puppy disappeared in the park. I was very worries and looked for it in the park for a long time. Suddenly, my puppy bolted out of the forest and I was so happy because my puppy came back to me.